A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I was dating a guy for 4 months and he broke up with me. That was about a month ago but we've started seeing each other more casually since...I definitely missed him and I guess he missed me too. Anyway, he started up his computer and I saw a pic of him and an orange button that said 'match' on the screen. I felt like saying something but I held my tongue at the time...now it's eating at me. He said he's not seeing anyone and he hadn't been looking for anyone since our breakup, and if he is looking for other girls I'm so done. But that looked a lot like a dating site and I can't get it out of my head. I even found him on a dating site (but it was clear he hadn't logged in for a long time, and it wasn't the same picture I saw the other night). Is it possible it was another site? Am I just playing with fire here by dating my ex? He said he broke up with me to do his own thing (he has issues he's working on with smoking, fitness, education, and work--and he's actually doing it--so it wasn't unreasonable). Even so, and even though he's still trying to see me casually, I feel like if he thought I was the right girl, he would have held on to me. Am I wrong? I really want him to be the guy, we 'get' each other and have such passion and affection for one another. Why does it have to be so complicated...
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female
reader, Auntie Mel  +, writes (20 April 2011):
 Im so glad this all worked out for you xx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks to the people who gave some great insight on this. So, aftermath. I ended up just asking him straight up if he was interested in seeing other girls. He said 'he didn't know.' So I told him any physical relationship was out but still gave him some benefit of the doubt. Next day I set up an okcupid account to distract myself and guess who I found? I called him out on it and then promptly cut him out of my life.I found someone new and awesome on okcupid a few weeks later, go figure. :)
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2011): I don't think the reasons he gave for not being with you are valid ones. Yes, people have busy lives and goals but they also have relationships...if they want one.
My hunch is you are just a way for him to pass time until he finds a girlfriend or you'd simply be his girlfriend right now...not complicatingly casual.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (12 March 2011):
I have the same feeling as you, OP. I think it's a mistake to be going back to this guy casually. I actually think he's a total liar - even though I have little proof. I think he has been looking for other girls, hence the reason he dumped you to 'do his own thing' (a bit of a classic man excuse to be honest). However, I don't think his plan has come to pass, so he's come back looking for you casually until such time as he does find someone else.
This guy doesn't strike me as someone you should be around - I think he's a bit of a user, and I think the moment another potential "notch on the bedpost" comes along, he'll just end it again and clear off.
If a guy dumps you after 4 months, you probably should't waste your time on him again.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSo I looked a little harder and now I'm pretty frustrated. Even if he wasn't on a dating site the other night, and I haven't found anything to confirm as much...wow. I learned a lot of stuff about him that freaked me out. He considered a 'casual encounter' on craigslist, and in painstaking detail went over how he wanted to ask his coworker out once...now I will always wonder which one. And how he calls girls 'sir' to get a reaction, he always does that to me and now I just feel like the flavor of the week, nothing special, and I am losing all respect for him. Word to the wise: if you want to be loved someday don't leave a paper trail about your indiscretions! I thought he cared about me but he's being nothing but a game player. I'm gonna just stop seeing him.
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A
female
reader, Auntie Mel +, writes (12 March 2011):
Hello,
First of all I would make it clear to him that you want the total truth and if you find out your not going to be happy.
To test him a little ask him if he as ever been on a dating site before and if he says no you will know hes lying for you have found him.
Look at the reasons for him leaving you last time and make sure her wont leave you for the same reasons again.
The best thing you can do here is just tell him that you don't want any messing about and make it very clear. If you do get together after that your trust for him should grow and hopefully everything will work out.
Good Luck xx
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