A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My wife and I have been married for seven years and have been together for 13. In the beginning, like all young couples, there was plenty of sex. Even leading up to our marriage we still had what I would call a healthy sex life. However it has really been all down hill since. Days after we returned from our honeymoon we had an unexpected house guest that stayed for an extended time. To say the least, it cramped our style and we started having sex about once a month. That became the norm with our busy lives even after our guest had left. Then we had kids. Due to extreme illness we only had sex once during the pregnancy. She wouldn't let me touch her for about a year and a half after our first child was born. From there we began having sex once every three or four months. Most of the above was repeated with our second child.I love my wife and I have tried to tell her that sex three times a year isn't nearly enough for me. I guess our biggest obsticle is that our children sleep with us and I feel that the planets have to be aligned absolutely perfectly in order for an opportunity for sex to even come up. The kids have to be napping, we both have to have a free schedule and she has to be in the mood. The other problem is that she is quite reluctant to get a babysitter and doesn't want to spend time away from the kids, especially if she has to work away from the house at all that week. I kind of feel like she has the kids and the house she wanted and just needs me to be around to do the heavy lifting. What do I do, I love her but he more time this goes on the more frustrated I get? Just thinking about it makes me unhappy.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2009): plse tell her what you are feeling. have a frank but hard conversation with her. tell her your needs. tell her that you want her to satisfy these needs. after so many yrs together we sometimes get too complacent and take our good men for granted. we need a wake up call. you need brutal honesty if this marriage is going to survive.
i complain about 2/3 times a week to my hb, you must be going through hell. and your wife needs to know this. buy her sexy underwear. if she is overweight(?/) maybe she is self conscious but tell her you love her and show her. also be affectionate with her when the kids are around. put your arms around her in the kitchen, give her a kiss when you are driving (make sure it is safe to take your eyes off the road), be intimate while watching tv - no not sexually intimate but playfully, and emotionally. try having some "us" time, it will mean leaving the kids for a while but that is something to work out with the wife. try spontaneous sex sometimes, put a movie on for the kids while mum and dad reconnect.
Gina has made valuable points so i won't elaborate on them, but just to mention - kids are a sure passion killer, especially so in the same bed. so move them out asap. do it lovingly for them them and loving with the wife so that she undertands why.
bottom line- you can try all of the above but your wifes attitide needs to change. you need her to understand what you are feeling. you may try subtely or directly but something has to give. i believe that sex (intimacy) is the one excluisve thing bonding couples together. and it should be expressed and enjoyed as often as possible. you have been good to your wife thus far, but time to make whoopie now!
A
female
reader, meg2989  +, writes (16 June 2009):
 First off, do have other rooms where you live? Would you be able to move the children out of your room and into their own? I think you are going to need maybe go to counseling wiht your wife, for sperations axieties with the kids. Thats kinda what it sounds like. Marital counseling would do wonders for your marriage I believe. Or have you ever just sat down with her and told her how you feel and ask her how she feels about it? Why dont you try to just talking with her for now. Then move to other options like counseling later. I hope that helps! Good luck!
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