A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I'm not really sure where to start here, so I guess I'll jump right in. I have always experienced severe, crippling insecurities involving the whole 'size' issue... it has really consumed me as of late. Although my length is slightly above average, 6.1-6.9 in. depending on the method of measurement (interestingly not every study takes measurements in the same fashion...some take 'functional length', which involves pushing the ruler through the fat pad to the pubic bone, and some take the measurement from the visual base), I feel extremely lacking on the girth side of things. Depending on the method of measurement, which again varies greatly, I am either 4.6 (measured at the middle), 5.2 (measured at the base), or 4.75 (an average of 3 measurements, one at the base, one in the middle, and one at the base of the glans). According to the lifestyle study posted the wikipedia page regarding size, the average measurement around the middle of the shaft was 5.0 in, putting me below average. It had been made clear to me, through reading numerous postings on this site and countless other offerings on the net, that girth is vastly more important than my above average length. To compound my issues, I also have moderate erectile dysfunction, where I cannot become fully engorged without putting pressure on the base with my fingers. (as of yet I have not found any device, such as a c-ring, that works for me) I am only 22, and I have been to a urologist on several occassions. I have tried Viagra, Cialis, ect., and none of them have worked satisfactorily. I suggested to my Urologist that I have mild venous leakage, which is an incurable form of ED, but he literally laughed at me as it is extremely rare (but not unheard of) for young men. I felt like he didn't really take me seriously, and just wanted to be rid of me as quickly as possible. With these 2 factors against me, I have avoided intimacy for most of my life. I've never really had a girlfriend, and only recently lost my virginity, and the whole experience was not confidence inspiring to say the very least. I was drunk, she was a 50 year old mother of two, and I definitely didn't feel adequate. I couldn't feel very much, didn't know what the hell I was doing, and wasn't attracted to her at all. I had always heard about the 'tightness' and friction with sex, and I was horrified, discovering that I was not adequate. I know fears of this nature get posted all the time, and most of the responders say "size doesn't matter, it's what you do with it" or some variation of the idea. I'm curious, what exactly do you do with it that somehow makes up for it's paltry girth? Even with these posters saying "size doesn't matter", there are also the posters saying it does, and that they have ended relationships because of it. I even read several accounts of wives cheating, leaving, asking their partners to wear extenders, because their size wasn't enough on this site. And you know what, I understand. Women deserve, need to be sexual satisfied, and it seems like much of that satisfaction rests on the size of their partner. I don't feel as if I can ever be enough for a woman... stories on this site of women being completely enthralled with a man and then turning tail at the realization that one aspect of their body was unsatisfactory make me unbelievably depressed. We as men are inevitably reduced to the size of one appendage, any other redeeming qualities forgotten if this one aspect does not "measure up" so to speak. I know some women like to compare it to having small breasts, but that is not realistic at all. Breasts are a secondary sex characteristic... the male organ is not. Breasts can be enlarged, the male organ cannot. A large number of men (including me) find smaller breasts more attractive... no one wants a little dick. Let me tell you, I'm trying my ass off to accept my lot in life. It hurts a little bit less everyday, but dealing with the fact that I'll probably never have a loving, trusting, fulfilling relationship in my life is incredibly hard. I've always been a romantic, and I absolutely love women. I get my fair share of come-on's at bar's, school, ect., but I always have to push them away for fear that it might actually go somewhere, and I'll be revealed for what I really am; worthless. Well this has gotten quite protracted, I guess I just needed to vent a little bit. So I guess I have a few questions; what techniques exist for us who are thinner than average? What other types of aids exist for ED? and lastly, is there any hope for me?
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aids , breasts, cialis, confidence, depressed, drunk, lost my virginity, sex life, viagra Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2009): I think you are worrying yourself for nothing because you are quite normal.However since you are so worried about width try to put on some weight if you are thin. because similar to other parts of the body if you get fat, that gets fat also.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2009): I don't wish to sound crude but women can be brought to orgasm by a man using his fingers - not the widest part of a human anatomy are they so please consider that width etc is not vital to achieve orgasm. My favourite sex is with my current partner who is definitely not the biggest guy width wise (I have had 4 different sexual partners) and the worst, which left me feeling almost abused because at times it hurt and often afterwards I was sore was a guy who was very wide particularly at the base. We can only speak from experience us girls but I doubt you will find the majority prefer big. I've talked about this subject to female friends and they all say that average is absolutely fine - we want to be able to sit down and still go to the toilet etc afterwards after all.
Personally I think your ED is due to your emotional state regarding your penis size and I would work on that first before you become any more concerned with a possible physical issue otherwise it will just perpetuate your state of mind. It doesn't sound as though you have ever really enjoyed sex and I'm sure if you met a caring loving woman who you really fancied and turned you on and then you stimulated her in whatever way you felt was natural to orgasm your esteem would start climbing high.
Next time you are chatted up in a bar you need to allow yourself some normal hot blooded feelings. You are emotionally repressing yourself - not good for an erection. Allow yourself step by step to pursue or be pursued by a woman. You can take it at your own pace - the first night does not have to be result in full blown sex! Get turned on with your clothes on, say goodnight and then think about the next date with her. She will respect you for taking it steady and you can build your confidence - win, win.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2009): Ok, listen here, stop feeling sorry for yourself. Your lack of confidence in yourself and low self esteem is more of a turn off to most women then your penis size. That and you act like you are somehow handicapped.
Be grateful that you are a young healthy man of 22 and are not actually handicapped and paralyzed from the waist down. Sounds ridiculous to mention this, but really it isn't, you act as if you have been given a death sentence.
Your penis size is above average, and it really is how you use it and how you make love to your woman that matters. Sex starts first between the ears. It is always best to share sex with someone you are in love with, it is the love between two people that make sex amazing, not a drunken session with a woman you aren't even attracted too.
You will learn about sex when you have a partner that you can practice with. There are many books available at book stores that talk about sexual technique and even have pictures to illustrate. You can't really try these out until you have a partner.
Further, women's vaginas actually vary in length and stretch to accommodate what ever size penis is inserted into them. The length of a woman's vagina does not have anything to do with how petite or large a woman is, it just varies from anywhere from 2 inches to about 9 inches in depth, so length of a penis can be important to a woman and some penis sizes may not even fit inside of some women if they are too large. So you my man are in a better postion not to be over sized as you will fit with most women out there. That said, there is a lid for every pot, and you will find someone that you will satisfy just fine.
Women are not that overly concerned about penis size, they want a man they love and who is a good lover, one that is not selfish and cares about her pleasure first....so stop worrying about this...really it is ridiculous to obsess over penis size or to be depressed about it.
As far as your ED, it sounds like it may very well be performance anxiety related and in your head and not physical at all, otherwise your urologist would have found a problem with you. Often ED can be a sign of your vascular health and if you smoke or are over weight this can affect your function. So be sure that you are over all in good physical health, no high blood pressure and good circulation going for you. Excercise to relieve some of your tension will also help you.
Get out there and date some girls, you don't have to go to bed with them right away! Fall in love!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2009): Okay. Please listen to me. I am a very sensual, sexy woman. I am a former swimsuit model and face model. I've been blessed with fantastic sex. And fantastic sex has nothing to do with penis size. Nothing at all. Why? Because there are two kinds of men: 1. Men who truly desire to pleasure women, 2. Men who don't desire to please women. You sound like you want to please a woman so you are already on board to really getting a woman off.As a note, I've had a few large penis' (penae?) And it's not that great when the operator doesn't desire to please his partner. Having a big dick in me is good only when the host knows how to work it. I've been unimpressed and bored to death with big dick because the owner doesn't care to move the way it takes to get a woman off.And get this: I've had amazing, glorious sex with small dick men because they know just how to hit it. In fact I cried it felt so good. My husband's dick was so small I barely felt it in me, but the way he pounded my clit with the base of his dick was delicious. And he would rhythmically grind it around and made me writhe for more. His hand and oral skills were remarkable too. So two things: 1. People who say size matters have never had good sex with a small dicked man, or they are lying. And 2. Study exactly what pleasures women. AND DON'T USE PORN AS YOUR EDUCATOR - WOMEN DON'T LIKE IT - THEY ARE BEING PAID TO ACT LIKE IT FEELS GOOD. Get a good book at Barnes and Noble from experts.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2009): Take heart, this is NOT going to ruin your love life. The first thing to keep in mind-- since you seem to be relatively inexperienced-- is that many women derive more sexual pleasure from being fondled than from actual intercourse. Learn to use your hands, and your future lover will be grateful.
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