A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my boyfriend for four years. Recently, I feel like we've been drifting apart, but we still love each other. We've had our ups and downs, but lately it feels like more downs than ups. I think I'm starting to become attracted to a mutual friend of ours, whom I only know because of my boyfriend. We seem to have a lot of common interests, and I've literally dreamed of being with him more than once. I love my boyfriend, I really do, and I don't want to leave him... But on one hand, I want to quash this crush; on the other hand, I can't help but wonder "what if?" I don't want to be channeling these feelings if part of stems from relationship troubles... What should I do?
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female
reader, kayla20  +, writes (11 March 2010):
 its perfectly normal to find other people attractive and have crushes whilst in a long term relationship. i was with my ex for four years and had the same problem as you but you seem to act on your feelings to someone else if your not receiving what you want out of your current relationship whether that be excitement,attention.because yourve been with your partner for a long period of time your in a routine where you know pretty much how your day is going to be with your partner maybe you should try doing new things so you dont feel that you are in that fixed routine maybe not knowing when you will speak to your partner or see your partner makes it a little more exciting when you do hear or see that person.maybe go out with your friends and not spend so much time with your partner yourl appreciate it more when you see him.maybe go on day trips with your boyfriend somewhere you wouldnt normally go that sort of thing or try new things in the bedroom it might start excitement in your relationship having something new to try.
A
male
reader, Kenj +, writes (11 March 2010):
 Similar thing happened with a ex-girlfriend of mine years ago. She fell for a friend of mine, it ended in disaster.
I found out, I broke up with her then she dumped my friend a while after.
It put a strain on my friendship with my mate as we had known each other for over 15 years.
My advise is dont go there, if you want to go with someone else, break up with your boyfriend first.
Try doing more fun and exciting activities with your boyfriend take your mind off the other guy.
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