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female
,
anonymous
writes: I have recently split up from my boyfriend of a year because he wanted to go back to his home country. I offered to go with him but he said he wasn't ready for that kind of commitment because we would have to get married. This was back in feb that i found out he was leaving, so I did a stupid thing and stopped taking my pill. 3 days before he was due to leave in April, we found out I was pregnant. I expected him to stay and look after me, but he left anyway. I couldn't believe it. I know what i did was stupid but I was kidding myself that he would see the light and realise that our relationship meant more to him than surfing and his mates. Then I had to have an abortion, alone. 4 weeks on from that, I feel awful. I miss him and hate myself for having the abortion and messing around with an innocent little life. He is constantly on my mind and I can't move on. No-one knows what i have been thru because I am just too ashamed. Please help, I have lost everything.
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abortion, move on, split up Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, sibaan +, writes (9 June 2006):
 abortion is one of the hardest things for any young women to go through and i learnt that the hard way.
you can chat to me privately any time by clickimg on my link.
xxx
sibaan
A
female
reader, nadine hillside +, writes (27 May 2006):
 Dea Reader,
You are never alone with your problems you have always got your family and friends to help you through. At times you may feel alone but family and friends are only a phone call away, if you need them ring them they might be able to help.
When your boyfriend annouced he was leaving and didn't want you to go with him even when you offered it is obvious he can't see he is losing what could be his soulmate. He obviously has no brain and can't see how special you are.
When you stop taking your pill it was a silly idea because you got pregnant when you weren't even ready just to try to make him stay, even though you love him he obviously isn't ready for commitment and you have to ecept that.
You made a very good decision by having the abortion even though you don't think so. It was better to have the abortion instead of him/her asking where daddy is and you not knowing what to say.
If your boyfriend would rather surf instead of being with you then so be it, but don't feel ashamed of what you have done, you made the right desision.
Hope everything works out. Goodluck
Nadine
XXXX
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A
female
reader, matron +, writes (26 May 2006):
 Hi,the way you are feeling is a normal reaction to everything that you've been through. you're not the first person to think that by being pregnant you'll keep your man and you wont be the last. You will come through this a better person,the hurt and guilt will ease and you will move on, time is a great healer i know it's a cliche but its true. Everything happens for a reason, it just wasn't meant to be. Happiness is out there waiting for you, try to look forward because you cant change the past, but you do have a future, you are not a bad person. i wish you all the luck in the world LoLx
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A
female
reader, Jadzia1127  +, writes (26 May 2006):
 There are people out there that understand and you need a place to talk. Try,
http://www.4exhale.org/
This is an after abortion toll-free talk-line.
The most important thing right now for you is for you to find the support you need.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, Phoebe Halliwell  +, writes (26 May 2006):
 Dear Reader,
you have not lost everything. If you hd kept your baby it would have asked questions about his/her Daddy sooner or later. What is more painful? Being happy and then finding out Daddy did a runner, or not knowing to start off with.
If you are going to have a child, it's better to have someone there to hold your hand. If your boyfriend could not see what a special person you are and how much he meant to you he's obviously not worth it. You are never alone, there is always someone there looking out for you. Your very own gaurdian angel that keeps you sane and makes sure you're safe. You were meant to have that abortion so your destiny could unfold in a greater pattern. If that makes sense to you!
If you feel you are alone, look over your shoulder and you'll see your angel. And you have loving and supporting friends and family I'm sure. Don't put yourself down, rise above it and over time you will heal. I am only just over my ex and we had a long relationship that ended a while ago. He had a place in your heart and took it for grnated, his loss, not yours.
Good Luck, All The Best, Blessed be and There is someone out there for you. You will find them,
Phoebe
xxx
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A
reader, marie +, writes (26 May 2006):
Number 1 you should not feel ashamed of yourself and you should accept that we are all prone to mistakes and that we are all allowed forgiveness...from outselves.The pain wont leave you straight away and you have to remember your reasons for having an abortion and in time when you accept the situation and start to forgive yourself that you will feel better.I have been in a simiilar situation and what you need to do is not pressure yourself and do little things to change your life in a positive way - you've made a big decision and your a good person, believe in the fact that when you have a child for the right reason and with someone who deserves you, that you will give them the love they deserve.Good luck and smile, the hard part is over and people are more understanding than we give them credit for.
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