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female
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anonymous
writes: I'm 26, my boyfriend is 29, and he wants us to have a threesome with me and another man.I told him no, and said it would cause harm to our relationship, but he still wants it to happen.I asked him why he wants to do this - and he refused to say why in any detail, just saying that it's a good thing and nothing more.He's still agressively insistent about it, but I have told him it will wreck our relationship.Our sex life was good up until now - but now his plan threatens to wreck it.Joanne in Kingston-upon-Hull, East Yorkshire
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2006): I agree with Jadzia's comment that this request seems a little fishy and suspect to me. My take is that this request has less to do with you and your boyfriend and more to do with issues that the may be struggling with but how insensitive to put you in the firing line.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2006): Jadzia1127 asked:
Does your BF have a particular guy in mind? If so why that guy?
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Yes, but he refuses to even say why.
Joanne in Kingston-upon-Hull, East Yorkshire
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2006): My advice is if you really love this man and want this relationship to last then dont do it. My boyfriend asked me the same thing about 3 years ago, which was for us to have another man in bed with us. This was just for me to have sex with him, not my boyfriend. I did do it and I really regret it. I never know why my boyfriend wanted me to do it, he never gave me a straight or consistent answer about it.
Our relationship was never right afterwards and we broke up sometime after. I would say that most of that came from me wondering why the heck the man who supposed to love me wanted me to sleep with other men. Was it so I wouldnt go off with other men, was it a fantasy, I dont know, but I know I lost all respect for him in asking me to do it. The real test came when he asked me to sleep with different men with him and foolishly i would get drunk and do it. In retrospect it seemed like my boyfriend would stop short of nothing to get a cheap thrill - and thats what I felt like - Cheap!
Looking back I felt that I had lost total respect for him, me and the other man who I slept with. It has has taken me a long time get back self respect. If your boyfriend is anything like mine (which you probably wont know until you do it) then it is best to steer clear.
You have to remeber that this sort of thing is a very slippery slope, once you are on it its a long way down. I know it all sounds very sexy and it did to me to begin with, but once that intimacy and closeness you have once shared with someone is invaded by another person, I dont think you get it back.
I would NEVER do it again.
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A
female
reader, Jadzia1127  +, writes (26 May 2006):
 Most men fantasize of a threesome with two girls (not another guy) but don't act on it for the sake of their relationship.
For your BF to be so callous to your feelings makes me wonder what is really going on in his mind. Does your BF have a particular guy in mind? If so why that guy?
Listen to your gut feeling something doesn't seem right in the state of your BF's trousers.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2006): Whoa there!! Right, firstly Do Not, under any circumstances, do this against your will. You poor chicken, this is a hideous situation because you are damned if you do and if you don't. I'm afraid, however, that if he is going to be aggressivley insistant about this, then you will have to be aggressivley resistant (if you definitely don't want to do it that is).
I think the real issue here is why he wants to do this. Is he curious about sex with another man and feels this is the most acceptable way to address that? Or is it something to do with dominance? You have a right to an answer to these questions, and that is what I mean by aggressively resistant. I think this is symptomatic of a larger problem, especially as it has come on so suddenly, and he is being unfair to expect you to go along with his plans without knowing the full picture.
I also think there is an issue with respect here, and you might like to evaluate that issue across the board. No bloke that truly loves you would put you in a situation where you felt uncomfortable, whatever the motivation.
Stay strong and stand up for yourself, and if the relationship is ruined over it, perhaps it was never meant to be. Don't let yourself be bullied.
xx
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A
female
reader, matron +, writes (26 May 2006):
 Hi, if you dont want to, dont, it's as simple as that. Your b/f obviously knows you well enough to have the courage to ask you but that being so he should have known that there was a chance you'd say no. If he thinks enough of you he will respect your decision, or was he hoping you'd say yes and then after the three-some with another man perhaps he was hoping for another but with a female. Whatever his motive dont be pressured into something you dont want to do, if he persists and you feel uncomfortable in the relationship then perhaps it's time to call it a day.good luck LoLx
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female
reader, been_there +, writes (26 May 2006):
 hi there! firstli u need 2 ask yourself if theres a defined reason y u dont want that 2 hapen? are u against it or is there an underlying issue such as uncertainity about ur b/fs sexuality or even uncertainity that ul enjoy it?if ur 100% against it u need 2 talk 2 him and explain y!! im sure hel then b able 2 understand and drop it!! best of luck!!
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