A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Well...my story is a pretty pathetic one. I have been in a relationship for over a year with this guy. Initially it was amazing...but the last few months,well;they were pretty bad.I'm pursuing my MBA and 3 months ago i was really busy with my internship. I was overloaded with work...n i told him that i needed his support for those 2 months,but somehow...we just ended up fighting like crazy...he even fought with me on my birthday - which was the worst birthday ever...and then...its been like that for over 4 months now.In between i went home...and i ended up kissing another friend of mine...I know what you are thinking...WTF...but that kiss was electric. It was like no kiss i've ever had in my entire life. It was so good that i ended up kissing him again a week later...we went way beyond kissing;though we didn't do the deed.But i cheated.And then for 1 month i was going crazy - with guilt, with what to do about the other guy.Anyhow, i told both of them that i need some time and i decided to stay with my bf...but i could not bring myself to telling him that i cheated on him...i've tried ; but i can't so it. For he'll leave me for sure.After this, ny bf came down to visit me...we had a good time together...but now; once again - we are fighting and i am wondering - am i just fooling myself? I mean, for one; i cheated on him and two, things are just getting worse.Should i stay with him?Or should i move on....I need help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2010): Read "After the Affair", it may help you understand what you are doing. There are other books as well. Take some time...think...don't "do" right now.
It will all make sense.
Get counseling for yourself, not for the couple you are in.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks guys...:)
Well, there's a part of me which thinks its hopeless.....but there's another part which wants to hold on.
And its not that i am scared of being alone.
And yes, i think the long distance aspect did not really help me.
Telling him the truth...aah....i really don't know how to do it.
Anyway, i am giving it some serious thought as i don't want to deceive him anymore and if this rel'ship has to end - i need to be sure.
Thank you once again. :)
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A
male
reader, dyeruz  +, writes (14 August 2010):
The kiss was electric and you did it twice and you're still fighting, it's only a matter of time before you go all the way, either you stop fuffing about and if you're really serious about making your relationship work then get down to the root of whatever it is that's making you two fight so much and TALK seriously. Otherwise the cycle will continue and it will be too late for the both of you and you'll definitely have it end it if he finds out, because the truth will out eventually.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2010): Firstly it's not a pathetic story, it happens, all of the stuff you said happens.
Should you stay with your boyfriend? Well when you told him you needed his support through an important time in your life, what did he do? Yeah, it was kind of the opposite of support wasn't it? He added a load of stress and fought with you instead.
Seriously OP 4 months of stress, fighting, a ruined birthday and cheating. Which part of this do you find worthy of continuing? You're only fooling yourself if you actually think you're in a relationship with him in anything but name.
The choice is easy OP, stay with him and enjoy the endless arguing, fights and stress or wake up and move on. It's been 4 months and this still isn't sorted. You dragged this one out as far as it will go, don't you think? You tried but in the end you need to get free of this cycle of unneeded stress.
completely ignore your feelings for a minute and think with your head, what's best for you? I think you already know the answer, don't be afraid of breaking up it will hurt but not as much as a long drawn out continuation of this pain and fighting.
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (14 August 2010):
 Well first off, we need to know what you two are fighting about exactly. Is it your internship? The time you spend away?Do you really want to move on? I mean, you sound like you think (or know) that there is still a chance between you two. In my opinion, I think there is definitely a chance for you two to maintain a stable and loving relationship. All you need to do is talk to your boyfriend about why you fight. After you do that, you both have to face the fact that you cheated. I'm not judging you so, if my answer makes you uncomfortable, I'm sorry.You do need to tell him that you were cheating. If you think there is still a chance for you two then honesty is the first step right? Do not just blurt it out but, tell him about when you were feeling lonely and rejected by him (That's the impression I got from what you said...basically just tell him how you felt). Then carefully move on to tell him that you kissed the other guy. If he starts getting uncomfortable (which he probably will) then just quickly calm him down and tell him that you needed someone and he was there for you and that obviously you feel guilty about it. Try not to blame him directly, use subtle hints that it's his fault he wasn't there to support you and be a caring boyfriend.I don't know about you or your boyfriend or this other guy so I don't know how that would turn out. I'm just suggesting to you, what I think would be the best way to tell him because, I really do think that you need to tell him.Sorry about your birthday, I feel bad for you that you fought on that particular day.I hope that helps.
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