A
female
age
30-35,
*eeponsmiling
writes:So a while ago i posted a question, which asked whether or not a guy and a girl could actually be friends without it being compromised by physical attraction or it ending up in one or the other falling for the other. I asked this based on a friendship i had with a guy, so sure that we were strictly platonic friends, but very very close.Boy was I wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong. So New Years Eve came, and I was at work in a bar. He came in around 2am, so naturally i gave him a hug and wished him a happy new year, somehow we got talking about me and guys chatting me up, i told him he couldn't always be protective like that over me and he said it was either be protective or fall for me. I never said anything, shocked. He then went on to tell me he felt like we were becoming more than friends and asked if i did too, I looked at him and shook my head. Once this had came out it was like everything he's been keeping to himself, poured out. He told me he loved me over and over again and much more. This went on for half hour about what he feels. But, nothings been discussed the morning after, its strange. He's expecting me not to change, so im not, but how can i just pretend like everything that got said, never happened? I know he remembers because he's made references to things that happened. Its like theres a huge elephant in the room and neither of us wants to discuss it. What do i do? I really don't want to lose the friendship, I've had him around for the past 5years we speak everyday. I couldn't lose him :(
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female
reader, Abella  +, writes (2 January 2013):
 I thought Staceily's advice was very insightful.
Hope you thiught it helpful too.
A
female
reader, Staceily +, writes (2 January 2013):
 I think you will inevitably lose his friendship. His attraction to you is going to hold him back from pursuing other relationships. He will secretly hope you come around and change your mind no matter what he tells you. And when he finally realizes that this is all it will ever be he will make the difficult decision to move on. It'll hurt too much to be around you. Come on, do you really think this could last forever when you meet and date someone else? Like he will be able to handle seeing you happy with another guy? Or the new guy will be okay with you talking to a dude every single day and cuddling? Of course not. This type of friendship isn't meant to last forever. It isn't a truly platonic friendship, it's a pseudo relationship wherein you have all the emotions and ties of a real relationship but not the sexual aspect.
You may be able to be friends at another time when he has moved on but it can't ever be like it is now where you talk constantly or cuddle. And this is why they say men and women can't be friends, it typically leads into the situation exactly like you are in. There's nothing you really have to do right now but you should accept that this won't ever last as it is now forever and something will have to give eventually. You can't have a true friendship when one likes the other no matter how badly you want to. Platonic friendships don't hold you back from being in other relationships.
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A
female
reader, MenLoveMe +, writes (2 January 2013):
 This may not be helpful, but it appears friendships with men and women they are attracted to can never truly be platonic. This has been my experience which spans several decades. If your friend wants to pretend his confession never happened, you can too. However, if it concerns you then you may want to sit him down, acknowledge his feelings and explore where your friendship goes from there. This can be tricky when you do not return his feelings. It can go well or blow up in your face. So choose your words carefully and be prepared for a disagreement along with the awkwardness that follows. If you are uncomfortable but don't want to risk a blow up, write out your thoughts in a letter addressed to him, but only give it to him if you really need to. Otherwise, consider it an emotional exercise and continue your friendship to the best of your ability and avoid sharing about relationship issues.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (2 January 2013):
You are not obligated to develop feelings for him, based on the fact that he has feelings for you.
You care about him as a platonic friend.
Life is full of situations where one persons cares more about a person than the other person in the same friendship.
He has a major crush.
Be kind to him, but gently tell him the truth.
He may find it too difficult to continue as your friend. Or he may come to the realisation that friendship only is on offer, if he can settle for that.
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A
female
reader, keeponsmiling +, writes (2 January 2013):
keeponsmiling is verified as being by the original poster of the question I understand how much it must have taken for him to tell me, and i appreciate that he had the guts to. I didnt do anything or react negatively or anything because of it, he asked me not to change because of it, and i promised him i wouldn't which i haven't. Believe it or not, the whole situation didn't feel at all awkward, I behaved like nothing was different, I still let him cuddle me, I stayed, I listened I didn't make a quick escape, I haven't avoided him for it, I haven't changed. I'm just not attracted to him in that way, i love the guy to pieces and he knows i do, just not in a way thats more than friends.
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A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (2 January 2013):
You didn't do anything when he confessed his feelings nor did you give any attention to his special treatments for the last five years so you may as well continue to do nothing. I think for him it was his moment to confess his feelings and all that he has built up and sort of give it a chance. It was risky on his part but he didn't do anything wrong. Nor have you. He is human and he can have feelings like any other guy out there. It is a shame you wont give him a chance though, I often think that it is just a mental choice young women put themselves through to reject a best guy friend.
I do remember someone asking about platonic friendship which IS possible but it ofc depends on circumstances which I don't think ever existed here.
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