A
female
age
36-40,
*ebe girlie
writes:Hi all, I'm having serious concerns... I recently got married to my 2 year boyfriend .. and we love each other a lot but my main concern is MONEY! ... He is a pilot and pretty well loaded... I just found out he has a bunch of money saved up in the bank... before we got married I used to work but I quit cuz I didn't like the job .. I will be employed soon so he always talks about saving money... saving... saving... so he is like when I get my salary I should keep a fraction of it and put the rest into the saving account... I hate this idea.. I feel that I'll be deprived from my money... Please, I want you to know that this is a very sensitive subject to us... it's hard to talk about and he insists I should save up with him... it doesn't feel right, I mean all these months that I was unemployed he hasn't gave me a lot and I haven't even shopped or did anything trying to keep the money he gave me so I can't ask for more (I hate asking).... I don't know what to say anymore. I'm scared, I want to live a life were I'm independent.. I feel like crying.. he is in front of me now watching stand up comedy. I feel like killing him ! He is telling me he loves me and I'm saying me too but I'm really concerned.. Life is already hard enough especially here in arab countries you are always expected to dress good, look good, be up to date especially in front of his family... it's so complicated.. please I need your honest advice.....thanks in advance!
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male
reader, yum yum  +, writes (13 October 2008):
 Hi dear, I am not arabic but however I do have many arabic friends and I am informed about the culture. Even though its usually more of a man's duty in the house hold to keep track of the money and budget, he still needs to consider that you have wishes. You earn your own money, you are entiteled to having your share, he has no right from depriving you from your money. You should not feel guilty
for wanting to spend your own money. In my opinion try and bring up the subject with him gently but make sure you bring your point accross to him. Make some hints to him about you wanting to have a certain degree of independance concerning financial issues. Mention it to him twice a week or so, for a peroid of one year if he does not meet you even half way then I suggest that you divorce him because he is egoistic and self-centered. I know it sounds harsh but he should respect that you want a certain degree of financial independance. If he loves you it will be more important for him to keep you happy rather than just wanting you to save all your money. Marriage is about having mutual agreements between one another. Kuwait is a country that has become more open in the recent years and your husband should realise that the times are over were the man takes an overbearing role in the day to day desions.
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (13 October 2008):
 It's difficult to know why this is happening. It might be that
1) he's a real tightwad. Pilots make very good money anywhere, and Kuwait is not exactly a place where his profession would pay little.
2) you spend way too much
3) Both of the above
4) you have different ways to manage money, but, in your country and culture, you, as a woman, are expected to do as he says.
and
5) all of the above.
I think you should be able to keep your own money and decide on how to spend it, PROVIDED you two separate enough money for your COMMON expenses, such as housing, services, food... and then, the rest, would be yours (and his) to spend or to save. I'm not sure if this is a real possibility in Arab countries. I'm sorry for you if it's not.
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