A
female
age
30-35,
*unkissed29
writes:I feel like my boyfriend takes me for granted and has gotten way too comfortable in the relationship. All he mostly wants to do nowadays is to take naps with me or have sex (nap and sex usually go hand in hand). I've tried many times to suggest doing other stuff like watch movies, go out, just ANYTHING besides napping ALL the time. He usually prefers taking a nap instead... His reasoning is that he really likes taking naps with me by his side and that he's always tired from not enough sleep. That's fine; I like taking naps with him too, but not all the time. One day, he even wanted to take a nap twice a day. That's just too much for me. He doesn't make much effort to try and suggest other things to do when we see each other. It's really frustrating and I feel like he's just so lazy with me. There's a lack of effort on his part, and I'm tired of being the only one trying. What is going on and what should I do/think of this? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, angelDlite  +, writes (5 June 2011):
 ahh, sounds like a perfect day! - but not every day! if this carries on it is gonna get very boring, very quick. take him out of the bedroom sometimes, get out into the real world with him and if he doesn't wanna go with you, you go without him. you need variety and then that way the bed-times will feel more special and not just like the boring same-old-same
x
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2011): This also sounds like my wife and I for the first 6 months we were together. Sometimes I really miss those times. I would even call in sick to work to stay in bed with her, make love to her, nap, eat breakfast, have sex again, shower, fall asleep, and have sex yet again. We never do that anymore. I can certainly see why you would get tired of that routine quickly, but to a guy that's pretty much the perfect life! Tell him you want him to take you out somewhere fun and that if he does a good job of it he won't regret it when you get back home.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2011): Haha, I don't know how long ya'll been together. But this sounds alot like when me and my fiance were starting dating. We had soo much sex, we never wanted to leave the house. We watched movie-after movie. having sex before, after, and between. Sleeping alot...it was crazy.
If you love him, i really think that things will change eventually.
I am 20, and my fiance is 23 and we have been together for 4 years. Things are perfect now.
My advice is find out what his hobbies are, and...do them. Maybe theres a movie coming out that you think he may like, and suggest it. Maybe he likes WWE (see if theres going to be a show near you..) Maybe he likes football or what not.
Tell him you're hungry and that you wanna go to a resturant...and whenever you go out to eat, maybe say "wow...have you ever been to that place before? maybe we should go after dinner."
i would even suggest just talking to him. Tell him "Hey..you think after your nap we could go bowling?"
or maybe make plans and say "lets have a date night once a week, where we actually go out and do something"
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (5 June 2011):
Hi there. Has he always been this way from the start of your relationship, or has it gradually happened over time?
He likes to nap - because he doesn't get enough sleep.
Why doesn't he sleep well at night?
Is he a night shift worker?
If he does do shift work, well I could understand it can be difficult to sleep during the day, when there is noise and if it's hot.
If he isn't a night shift worker, well then maybe he goes out and stays out late with his mates, or maybe he sits up late at night watching tv at home, then gets up early in the morning. He might only be getting 4 hours sleep a night.
In any case, he seems to be constantly lacking in sleep, otherwise he wouldn't be tired all the time. It just doesn't seem like a normal thing to do.
If he needs 2 naps a day, he can't be sleeping much at night at all.
Either he's not sleeping much at night, or he is sleeping to pass the time - boredom or depression.
Depression can cause very low energy most of the time, and making it hard to function.
This might be something he needs to see his family doctor about, because there has to be a reason for the need to sleep so often during the day - every day.
Perhaps you could ask him about it a bit more thoroughly, and express your concerns for his health.
It's possible that he might even be an insomniac - the inability to sleep at all, or sleeping and waking up throughout the night.
You could also ask him what time he goes to bed at night, and how he feels when he wakes up each morning. Does he feel rested? Or, does he feel like he didn't sleep at all and feels like he needs to stay in bed?
Ruling out night shift work, he might eat late at night while he's watching tv and then as the food he eats begins to digest, it produces energy and keeps him awake for quite a few hours. It happens.
And if he does this on a regular basis, it would keep him awake at night for many hours - every single day. So even if he went to bed at 10 or 11pm, he might not get to sleep till 2 or 3am, and then up again at 6 or 7 am, in which case he's losing 4 hours sleep every night. That soon builds up over a week. It's also very unhealthy.
Doctors often say - Don't eat after 7pm. Don't drink coffee or cola drinks after about 3pm. Caffene being a stimulant. That's something to keep in mind as well.
He could make the above changes and see how he goes. If he does have food or snacks to eat after dinner and before bed, plus coffee or cola drinks - he needs to stop them.
He could take up exercise - going for a walk on a regular basis. That will relax him more and help him to sleep well at night. Also, if he likes herbal teas, he could have a cup of camomile tea before going to bed with a teaspoon of honey (but no milk), and this will calm him and relax him enough to sleep calmly during the night.
The other obvious thing for him to do, as well as avoiding food and coffee, is to go to bed at the same time each night and get up at around the same time every morning. This starts to get his body into a habit of regular sleeping times.
Anyway, see if you can talk to him about it, because to be sleep deprived all the time is not a healthy way to live and can cause other serious health problems over time.
There just has to be a reason for the need for 2 naps a day.
If you can't get him to discuss it with you, or he gets angry, you might need to think about whether it's worth it to continue on with him. It's making you a bit unhappy, otherwise you wouldn't have posted your question here.
No matter what else happens, you and him have to talk about it. Don't leave it any longer.
He probably doesn't realize that it upsets and frustrates you as much as it does. So you need to tell him so. Be kind and respectful when you do.
Then go from there.
Good luck and best wishes.
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A
female
reader, fi_the_tree +, writes (5 June 2011):
 You need to talk to him about this! It's nice that he likes to feel close to you when you take a nap together, but tell him that there's more to life than sleep and sex!!
Explain that whilst you do like snuggling up to him, that you have needs too, a desire to go out and explore with him, make memories together. Surely if he loved you, he would make more of an effort to go out and about with you, even if it's just to the park or somewhere.
Have a chat with him and see if you can come to some sort of agreement on going out more often :) all the best!
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