A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I don’t know what to do. I’m at a point in my life when I am repenting for the choices I made in my impulsiveness and lack of thinking.I was secretly in love with my ex-colleague (he’s much younger than me). I had my heart broken in my early 20’s by a failed love affair. Then I decided to revenge myself on men, used sex to control them, I even did part time prostitution with rich men and colleagues I met at work (even though I had a proper job). When I first met this guy at work (he’s from a different culture), I didn’t like him. He was nice and sweet to me, I just thought he wanted to get into my panties. I subtly hinted to him about my prostitution (I thought he would proposition me). But strangely he didn’t do anything. He just treated me with respect, and kept his distance from me. I felt rejected. I decided to get involved with another richer colleague at work, in order to make him jealous. Still no response – I learnt he was in a relationship whom he loved deeply. And he was brutally loyal to her.Deep down, I yearned to be loved the way he loved her. My office romances failed. I tried to woo him subtly, tried to show him that I had changed, that I was a good person (even though I had a promiscuous past). Yet he continued to love her. I wanted to be loved the way he loved her! So I decided to break them up – and I did, but I won’t tell how, he didn’t know it that I was the cause behind his breakup. I even put a love binding spell on him with the help of a friend. I know I did a lot of bad things – but I did it because I loved him and wanted him so badly! But before I could try to say something to get him, he quit his job in depression. I didn’t want to lose contact with him – so we kept in touch via the internet.During this time, I had another office romance. This was with his friend who worked in my office. It was a primarily sex in return for money arrangement – but the sexual chemistry was unbelievable! I forgot about the Leo, and fell in love with his friend. But he didn’t want to have kids, and my biological clock was ticking. We broke up when I learnt he was soliciting other women clandestinely for sex (I wanted him to be only mine!). I was hurt and angry. He quit the job. Yet I could not forget the chemistry with his friend. I decided to resume contact with my ex-colleague via the internet. Tried to hint at him that I was available. I decided to meet the Leo, and when I saw him all those feelings came back. One side my chemistry with his friend, and one side my longing to merge with him(we never had been intimate ever). Yet he only talked about love, marriage, kids and friendship, but I wanted him to just shut up , hold me, kiss me passionately and make love to me like crazy! I couldn’t say what I wanted, and the meeting was over (without any intimacy). I felt he had feelings for me but later learnt that he had begun dating another girl, but yet he wanted me to say about my feelings first. I was angry – I wanted him, but I wanted him to also confess to me about his feelings first! And during this period he met his friend (with whom I had the affair). The beans were spilled over, and he learnt about the affair. We had a fight (in e-mails) over a petty issue, and he hinted that he learnt something about me the day he met his friend. I felt my secret was out, and said to him goodbye. I was angry! And his friend approached me again for sex – I was still longing for his touch. I reconnected with his friend, purely for sex and to make him jealous. He didn’t reply, kept pulling away further. I tried to use his friend with whom I was sexually involved to spy on him, yet he cut him out of his life as well.I didn’t mail him for 3 months. Then one day I mailed him again. I learnt he blocked me from sending messages to him. I was furious and depressed! I felt I lost all chances to get him! But during this time, his friend (with whom I was sexually intimate) wanted a commitment (not marriage). I agreed. Now am pregnant. But now his friend has left me, and he is back to his cheating ways (with other women). I am angry, broken, depressed, soon to be a single mom. I still remember my crush, but I know he won’t talk to me or forgive me. But I remember his kindness, he was the only man I met in my life who treated women as women with respect, honor and dignity, not like sex objects the way I experienced with other men. I want to tell him that I miss him, and I really loved him all along, and I want to be his woman forever, I would never cheat on him if he married me, but I know my past and my status (soon to be single mom – he told me he would never date a single mom) is working against me. Plus he knows about my affairs with his friends (he once told me he would never date a friend’s ex, it’s disgusting and rude according to him) and also that I was behind his breakup.But I've realised that he is the only different man in my life, and I love him, and I want to take away all the pain and suffering that I put into his life out of my jealousy, and want to make it happy for him!But I fear I am unloveable.I regret the choices I made in my life. Do I stand a chance with him!
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affair, at work, broke up, crush, depressed, fell in love, jealous, money, my ex, period, revenge, the internet Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2012): I may come across as a little crass but right now you don't need any type of intimate relationship with a man. You are behaving in a way that is a complete turn off for the average man looking for a significant other. Sleeping with his friends, prostitution, and now an unwanted pregnancy. Would you date someone who behaved like you did? Ask yourself that question.
I really believe you need some therapy. There is something deep seated inside of you that you need to heal from. I have never heard you of a woman your age behave in that manner unless something is wrong. If you want a man to love you, you first have to love yourself. If you loved yourself, you wouldn't have done all of this.
Please seek help and be a the best parent you can be for your child.
A
female
reader, oldbag  +, writes (3 November 2012):
 Hi
Honestly? No you don't. Your actions show you to be unreliable,free with your body, you have also charged for sex,with his friends and now your pregnant.
I think he was nice to you only because it was his nature, he maybe hoped you would change but you didn't.Now your having his friends child.
Its a catalogue of disasters and bad judgement.Also you have played games with his life never mind your own.
I would forget the lot of them,no more sex for money,no more contacting the man you lost. Look forward to your baby and use the time your pregnant to change your ways and your attitude and grow up.
Your child will love you unconditionally just as you will your baby.
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A
male
reader, CJH +, writes (3 November 2012):
 What you need is some time on your own to reflect upon who you are and what you want.
Right now you are obsessed with the power you have over men in terms of using sex. That's bordering on a psychological disorder at the moment if I'm brutally honest.
Forget men, find a therapist and sort yourself out before you make more of a mess than you are already in.
I'm sure what I've said has gone down like a lead balloon with you but, it's the truth.
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