A
male
age
41-50,
*w1974
writes:Right peeps, need some advice, been in a relationship with a girl for 14 months. Last 3 months didnt go to good, she kinda rushed things, so she tells me she wants space, so i kinda say ok, then she begins in texting me nearly every day asking am i ok, chatting etc.Then calls me if i dont answer my texts, eventually i ask her not to contact me. Which i think is fair on both of us, she gets very angry saying shes only texting to see if im ok. And that she wont text me again.When asked by numerous people have we split or has she spoken to me she gets very defensive saying no i just need my space to sort myself out. Now since this i have gone no contact. Its been a few weeks now, her mother was kinda gutted about it all to.Now after a few weeks of no contact nad me coming off fb etc, she asks her mum if she has heard from me, she says no and she went oh ok.Wondering if anyone has any idea why the sudden turn around?
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female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (19 September 2011):
It sounds like she is trying to find out about you and how you are, without actually talking to you, so she's doing it indirectly by talking to her mother instead.
It's kind of game playing really. Although it's not malicious in any way. It's more about her being cautious.
If she says about giving her some space, well then give her that space. And in the meantime, don't try to call or text her, and instead let her contact you.
After all, she's the one who keeps saying she needs her space. By letting her initiate contact with you, you are giving her that space.
Let her set the pace from now on.
It's possible that prior to her meeting you, she might have had a bad breakup or a relationship where she felt very hurt and disillusioned about all relationships, as a result after that. So now, she is just not rushing into becoming too emotionally involved, too soon until she is really sure about how you feel towards her.
You said at the beginning she got pretty involved and things moved fast, then she went the other way and backed off a bit. She might have realized things were moving too fast or, that she might scare you off and that it might end.
Many men in a new relationship would be scared off by a girl moving fast. Needless to say, she has probably had this happen to her before now.
It definitely has something to do with that for sure.
She's also afraid she might be losing you during the break, so she texts or calls you all the time, just to make sure you haven't found anyone else yet. She's also wary of pushing you completely away altogether!
Lots of things are going through her mind now, I can almost see it ticking over all the time.
It's clear she really likes you, or else she wouldn't be texting or calling you all the time like she does. Or else asking her mother if she's heard from you. These are all clear signs that she hasn't lost her feelings for you.
She's just unsure of how to proceed from here.
Only time will tell, I guess.
Leave initial contact to her, because she's the one who needs space.
Then when she does text or call you, you could ignore her texts or don't answer them - depending on what specifically she is saying, that is - and you could ask someone else to answer a call to you (if it's not to your mobile), or else you could press "End Call" to send it straight to your mailbox messagebank. Then you can listen to the message later, at your leisure.
The main thing here, is that you do have some control over this situation, regardless of what you might think.
Ultimately though, you are probably going to have to be right upfront with her, and ask her exactly where you stand in this situation, and that you won't put your life on hold for too much longer, while she makes up her mind.
It's inevitable, you are going to have to take a stand on it eventually. You can't wait forever while she hums and hahs about deciding if she wants a relationship or not.
That's not fair to you. You deserve happiness and a little certainty.
A
male
reader, jw1974 +, writes (16 September 2011):
jw1974 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the reply, she did say she was confused and she doesn't know what she wants. I wanted no contact but she kept Texting asking if I'm ok, then ringing, when I called her though she kicked off about having space. What I don't get is why ask her mother if she has heard anything from me.
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix +, writes (16 September 2011):
Hi there. Perhaps she hasn't found anyone else to go out with and she's keeping tabs on you, to see what's happening in your life.
That's what it sounds like to me.
She doesn't seem to know what she wants, does she?
If you break it off with someone, it's either on or it's off.
And off, means no contact whatsoever, otherwise it's not really a break is it?
She's either confused about her feelings for you, and is afraid to commit and get serious, for fear of getting hurt, or like I was saying before, she just doesn't know what she wants from life right now.
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