A
male
age
36-40,
*usic Man
writes:I'm a 24yr old male who has been with a girl since the 5th grade from puppy love to high school sweethearts. This girl has always loved me ever since I can remember but I have always taken her for granted. Not because I don't care for her but because I wanted to try other girls and not be committed. I'm a good looking guy so I have gotten away with being a jerk but since i was 20 I have grown up a lot. I am back with her now and she is very happy, she said she has always known I was a good guy and has never stopped loving me. We were never really apart, I kind of kept her hanging on (sadly). However I am realizing sexually that she has learned a few new things. The other night she swallowed after giving me oral sex and I asked her how many other guys she did that for. She cried her eyes out and told me one other time. I don't believe it was just once and I am well aware of what it takes to get a girl to swallow. How do I grow up and realize that she loves me when I hurt badly because my pride has me thinking she would wait for me like a saint. Also is swallowing to women as powerful and intimate as I feel or is it just another sex move for women?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2008): You think this is tough?
Try being the guy who didn't sleep around at all, and then finding out that she did it quite a bit.
And since I'm a guy, everyone tells me I'm just a chavanist pig with an ego problem for saying I have any feelings hurt about it.
A
female
reader, SAS +, writes (5 April 2008):
You're very lucky to have this girl. Love like this really doesn't come around--not for everyone.
She loves you. She does. If you find a reason to sabotage it or judge what has or has not happened, you might lose it someday. And believe me, you won’t find a love like that again. You’re kidding yourself.
As to the question about what she did for you? Yes it is very intimate. Definitely, especially coming from her. I would ONLY do it for someone I thought was MAJOR.
There is a book you might find intriguing along the lines of some of things you mentioned. It's called The Way of the Superior Man: A Spiritual Guide to Mastering the Challenges of Women, Work, and Sexual Desire I recommend it highly. It is a true directional book that gets straight to the heart of every situation a man encounters in life. It has short chapters like a couple pages each. It isn't for the mediocre. I do not recommend it without the balls to read it, because it is very profound. Read a couple chapters on line to check it out. It’s pretty compelling. Anyway…
As for the woman. Again… I get the impression she is very significant. Love like that--it just doesn't come around so easily. What else can be said?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2008): I would first like to say that it was mean of you to ask how many guys she'd swallowed for. It really doesn't take much for a girl to swallow...you make it sound like a chore or something, and really it's not. It's not ultra fun, but it's good for the guy. At least she's interested enough in you to do that.
I swallowed for my last man because we both enjoyed it and he said it was like 'touching the deepest part of you'. Physically and emotionally.
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A
male
reader, Music Man +, writes (5 April 2008):
Music Man is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for being honest, I tried to be as truthful in my description as I could. These responses have really let me calm down and realize it's something people go through and I have no right to have expected anything. I have since talked to her and just told her how I felt and how I think I screwed up in the process and she was happy saying, "for you to learn more about what was causing you problems is a sign that you care enough to fix yourself before looking elsewhere for the problem". Once again thank you all for allowing me to learn how to deal with these feelings rather then letting them take over me. Good luck and keep helping people : )
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A
male
reader, mattman +, writes (4 April 2008):
 I have a little experience in this field so hopefully I can shed a little light on it.
My ex had dated a few black guys before her and I got together. This made me think that she was interested in a well hung man and made me insecure. After it had ate away at me for a while I finally sat with her one night and totally spilled the beans , come to find out Bigger is NOT always better.
Yes one of her previous was very well endowed and she said it hurt so much she sometimes cried. She also said that it gave her constant UTI infections. I felt like such an idiot for my insecuraty and I see more than every now that every person has the right to find whom will complete them. And EVERYBODY will express that right by dating and having sex. Dont judge them because of what they have done. If it was so good dont you think they would still be doing it?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2008): TRUE STORY:
This guy and girl have known each other since 2nd grade and grew up as high school sweet hearts. Ever since junior high school they have been having sexual intercourse with each other. All thru junior high and senior high...he always asked her for oral sex, but she refused. During their 2nd year in college....she decided to give him oral sex for his birthday, which was 8 months away and she wanted to be good at it. So for 8 months she watched adult movies, practiced on popcicles(frozen ice cream sticks), she practiced on pork chops, she practiced on sour pickles, kosher dill pickles, she practiced on lollipops and ice cubes...she practiced and practiced and practiced...because she wanted to be the best at pleasing her one and only boyfriend and she wanted to make him happy. She wanted to give him what he always wanted....a blowjob, head, brains, skull, a dick suck....all the terms of endearment he had used over the years to try and get her to do it, but now finally....she was going to surprise him and do it for his special day, but she wanted to be good....NO! she wanted to be great for him and make him happy!
Well his birthday came around amnd she brought and wore this very sexy nightie...the day had went well and now tonight is his night. She gave him some "head" and he broke up with her the next day...saying she lied about this being her first time, because she was too damn good.
Well ater talking to him and explaining the situation...over 6 weeks later...he finally went back after finding out the truth. They have now been married over 22 years and he still gets the best head ever!
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A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (4 April 2008):
 Read back what you wrote...
"I have always taken her for granted. Not because I don't care for her but because I wanted to try other girls and not be committed. I'm a good looking guy so I have gotten away with being a jerk..."
What right do you have to expect her to 'wait for you like a saint'?
The answer, as you well know, is none whatsoever.
You've gone and tried other girls. You created this situation, she would have been with you since the 5th grade if you'd wanted. But you chose this. You chose to go and have other women. This is your doing. Not hers. She has done absolutely nothing wrong. You don't have the right to ask her who else she did things with, to make her cry, and especially to doubt her answers.
How do you get over it? There is unfortunately no 'get out of jail free card' with this. You have to just ... get over it. You do that by learning to put it out of your mind. Whenever you feel it bothering you, change the subject in your head. It's the only way. And if you ever feel like it's her fault, re-read what I said above. You did this, not her.
From your point of view, probably what is going on is as follows. Your need to 'try other girls' comes from some insecurity or other. Having sex with them was a way for you to try to prove to yourself that you have whatever it is you feel is missing. As you've probably found out by now that doesn't work (and upsets a lot of girls in the process). Why this current situation is hard to deal with is for exactly the same reason: since sex is connected to insecurity for you, your insecurity about what she has done with others is tied to your fear that they may have been 'better than you', or she may have enjoyed being with them more, or similar. If this is the case (and it's a likely cause of your behaviour), then admitting this insecurity to yourself is the first step to discovering what it is, and then coming to terms with it and overcoming it.
The issue of putting your partners former sex-life out of your mind comes up a lot here. If you look through my post history you'll see many responses to it.
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A
female
reader, x-kitycatlok-x  +, writes (4 April 2008):
 If you kept her waiting you can't blame her for being with ONE other person. She loves you. Doesn't mean she can't be with ONE guy. It's one person! She could have been with a lot more. You should be happy she decided to stay as loyal as she could.
As for oral sex, it is personal and not just another move. Often enough girls do it to make their partners feel special and loved, showing they will do most things for them. It's not just something like "oh, haha. I made you horny."
Wishing you the best.
xx
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A
female
reader, banditsmom1124 +, writes (4 April 2008):
 hey wait a min! swallowing does turn the guy on but it doesnt have to SYMBOLIZE anything! lol
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2008): About the swallowing, as a woman I think it is quite symbolic because you are doing something for your man that isn't very pleasant, to make the experience more enjoyable and intimate for him.
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