A
male
age
36-40,
*olidus
writes:I've posted about this girl before, see my recent posts for more details, but something is still bothering me very much. Before we were on a "Break" but as of now we're officially broken up. She had a myriad of reasons why. She said I wasn't there for her when her dad died, that she felt she couldn't open up to me, that she didn't live up to my standards of being a mother, that when it was me, her, and her daughter together it didn't feel like home, that she thought I talked about how pretty other girls were more than her, and she said we weren't compatible...strange considering how compatible we were without problems for all those months beforehand. However, all I seem to be able to focus on is the things she told me just a few weeks after we originally took our break. She told me that I was her best friend and that she still loved me. However, she gave me the cold shoulder for a month, started seeing other dudes and all of sudden officially broke up with me and hasn't spoken to me since we officially broke up. I just miss talking to my friend so much. I don't understand what could possibly make her change so much in such a short frame of time. How could you go from telling me how much you love me to giving me the cold shoulder? What happened in the span of a few weeks that made her so distant towards me? Now I'm sitting here missing my friend. I dare say I could deal with her seeing other guys, but for her to so absolutely remove herself from my life when we were each other's world for the better part of a year is hurtful and perplexing...especially considering that she acknowledges that I'm a great guy and treated her great! I know she's got a lot of problems. Alcoholism, depression, that she used to be a cutter...I just can't fathom when everything changed for her and its constantly nagging my brain. At the very least I want my best friend back...but calling her is the very last thing I'm prepared to do. Everyone agrees that no contact is best...I just miss my friend. What do you guys think happened?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (15 October 2010):
 Its what happens after a relationship we need to distance ourselves from the past and look in to the future, as i said you need to have space between the both of you right now so that you can get over each other and maybe later down the line you can be friends but right now you both need space to get over each other.
A
male
reader, Solidus +, writes (14 October 2010):
Solidus is verified as being by the original poster of the question Well, my ex is dating a guy she met at a bar 2 wks ago who lives in australia. yeah, thats a rational decision. -_-
We have a class together and she doesn't even acknowledge my existence. After all we've been through together is that it? We're just nothing to each other now?
how can someone treat someone so callously who has done so much for them? I mean, when her dad died I was the guy who rushed over to her house at 3am and held her all night while you weeped on my chest...I'd like to think you'd always treat that guy with respect and love.
Guess I'm not worth that in her eyes.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (8 October 2010):
Ok well i wouldnt take her giving you the cold shoulder as a reason that she doesnt care for you. When you come out of a relationship it is hard just to become friends all off a sudden you need time so she is doing the right thing, she needs to get over you before she can be friends with you again, as it does take a while for ex's to be friends again after a relationship, so be patient and give it a few months and then maybe give her a text and tell her you would love to meet up as friends and catch up.
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A
female
reader, rachel2 +, writes (8 October 2010):
hi,
to be honest I havent read your other posts, so i am just going by what I read in this one.
It could be that she has some deep need to feel secure, when she told you that she felt you werent there for her when her dad died, and how you checked out other girls (is that true? if so, especially if you commented on how pretty they were, why did you do that?)
but if those things are true, even though she feels she loves you, there is a deeper need maybe that she has for security, and you were making her feel less than secure in the relationship..
that could have been something that slowly ate at her, until she just decided to call it quits.
without knowing more that is my gut feeling about it but i could be wrong
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