A
female
age
30-35,
*ostintranslation92
writes:My boyfriend and I of a year and a half just called it quits 2 days ago. I feel a sense of anger but I still can't get the sadness out. I told him I still wanted to be friends and I know he agreed just to be nice. So last night I did something stupid... I was pissed off of everything he's done to me and I wanted revenge so I went to his house and told his mom everything he's been lying about. I told her he does drugs, he lied about going to college last year and he made fake transcripts and claimed it on his taxes, that he made me get an abortion and also when she let's him run their inn he has invited girls there and cheated on me. She was on my side and was very comforting but idk what happened with him. He hasn't talked to me or said anything about it and this morning his mom called and texted me saying give me a call thanks. Should I be worried? Also I know that it was something terrible I did but I still want him to talk and be friends with me... On top of it he has my ss card so I can't really just forget about him and move on. Any advice?
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male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (28 October 2010):
 Good luck being friends with him after that... He's gonna hate you.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2010): Why on earth would you want to be friends with him? What you did wasn't okay but his mom needed to know the things he does while watching her business. Get your SS card back and never look at him again. He is bad news. someone who cheats on you, then forces you to have an abortion is a terrible person, no matter how you look at it. It's good his mom doesn't hate you for everything you told her but you should also stop talking to her as well. It will only bring drama that is unneeded. I don't think you should be worried about her wanting to talk to you. Talk to her and see if there is a way she can get your SS card back so you don't have to see him. He isn't good for you and you sound like a good person. There is someone better for you out there.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2010): Do you feel better? I doubt it. This seems like childish behaviour to tell his mom everything. He sounds like a dirt bag but we are talking about you here, not him. I would not count on him wanting to be "friends" after all that you have done.
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A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (28 October 2010):
 I'm sorry but why do you want to be friends with him? Why do you need such a dirt bag in your life?
What you did was wrong, but understandable. But you must know that she will NEVER be on your side, that is her son you are talking about and as many bad things as he has done, he will always be her little boy and her love for him is unconditional - so she will always stand by him, love him and take care of him. So you cannot acheieve anything by telling her all this, she probably did need to know some of it like what he gets up to when he is supposed to be running her business etc, but it still wont make a difference to how she feels about her son. She will be angry with him, but will still love him.
So regarding her wanting you to call her - I dont think you need to be too worried, you have broken up with him now anyway so it doesnt really matter what happens with his family now.
As for your ex - the only thing to do is get your SS card back (why does he even have this?! That is very dangerous, he could be using your identity for all sorts of things without you even knowing!) and then get rid of him once and for all. There is no need to be friends with him, he is a bad guy and a bad influence in your life, there is no reason on earth to keep someone like this in your life.
The only reason girls want to be friends with their ex's is for 2 reasons:
1. They are not over them and want to get back together
2. They want them as a back-up just in case they decide they want them back at a later time
Both these reasons are BAD reasons to keep someone in your life, and one of you, potentially both, will end up hurting.
The only way you can remain friends with an ex (and trust me, I have enough ex's to know this!) is to end on good terms, where you both agree it is not working, and there is no anger or sadness. I have stayed friends with 1 ex (out of many!) and the only reason we are still friends is because we went through a lot together (his dad died while we were together and his mum died when he was 6, so he didnt really have anyone else), we were great friends when we were together, and it only ended because the spark just fizzled out and we ended up feeling like just friends. There was no abortion, cheating, lies, anger etc....just two good friends who had lost the spark and attraction towards each other.
The rest of my ex's (over 6 of them) - I just cannot be friends with. There was too much pain or hurt involved for one of us, or in some cases both of us. I have tried to be friends with a couple of them but it has never worked, there were too many residual feelings left over from when we were together.
The fact that you are angry and sad shows you clearly have very strong feelings for him but he put you through too much to put up with it anymore. This is NOT the type of break-up that will ever result in a friendship. So please dont even try and be friends with him, it will only prolong your pain and stop you from eventually getting over him.
The anger and sadness will last a while, breaking up is horrible and will take you months to get over. But eventually you do get there, and you feel loads better. But ONLY if you cut him out of your life, prolonging the pain with a half-hearted attempt at friendship is no good.
So please, forget this friendship idea and realise that the best thing for you is to have him out of you life completely. You deserve to be happy again one day, to find a lovely guy and have the sort of relationship every girl dreams of. But you will NEVER get that if you keep him as a friend, you will never allow yourself to be happy if you keep this source of unhappiness in your life. I know it seems hard and because you have been with him for a long time, you cant imagine life without him - but it is the right thing for you to do. It wont feel like the right thing, but eventually you will realise it is for the best.
Just get your SS card back before he can get revenge on you for telling his mum about his behaviour (by the sounds of things, I bet he is more than capable of doing something bad using your SS card), give his mum a call to find out what she has to say - and then put an end to all of this. Leave his mum to deal with him, and put it all behind you and begin the healing process.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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