A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Well here's my sad story. My ex girlfriend ended things with me about 2 months ago and she has been with a new guy for about the same time as well. She basically left me and started dating this new guy about a week after, which she met while still with me. I guess she was attracted to him right away because she ended something that I thought was good. This entire heart wrenching experience has been a huge blow to my ego. And just makes me feel less confident about myself. Also not only does it show that our relationship meant nothing to her but she just replaced me for somebody else. Seeing that I meant nothing to her has cut me deeply as well. Being replaced like that by someone you love has hurt me so badly i'm trying my very best to move on but I just can't seem to do it. I just can't but feel like I'm not good enough to be with her especially being replaced like that. I still hold out hope that she'll realize what she has done and how she has hurt me so badly that she'll at least feel some remorse over her actions.She clearly said that she still wants to be friends with me and has maintained contact a few times over the course of the breakup, but I've never tried to initiate contact with her because every time I talk to her it reminds me of the pain that she has caused me. The problem is that I know people usually tell me that NC is really important and that I need to stick with it, but I just can't seem to do it. She means the world to me and I don't have what it takes to just completely cut her out of my life. The time we spent together was complete bliss to me, I was never happier when I was with her.Part of the reason we broke up, according to her, was that she couldn't handle a long distance relationship anymore. However it was in our plan that I would move closer to her in order to be with her more often. I was going to do that around springtime.Anyone who has suffered this kind of heartbreaking trauma can they please offer some helpful advice? Because after suffering this type of personal humiliation and heartbreak I just wonder if anyone can ever love again.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2010): Anytime someone clearly moves on from you, the best therapy is to completely let go of them as well. It's like riding a bicycle.. before you can move on to failing and succeeding with two wheels, at some point you have to drop the training wheels you've failed and succeeded with.
Anytime you have love, there will be pain. You have to be willing to accept that they co-exist together, and let go of the old love and pain before the new love(and pain) can enter your life. Don't be afraid to move forward, and don't be discouraged by the footprints behind you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2010): Hey you.
You will love again. Believe me.
I understand you heartbreak but remember that time heals all wounds.
In fact, anytime you need to talk to someone, we are here for you but the best advice for now is to move on. Be happy.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (21 November 2010):
 Well, I will disclose more heartbreaking news to you, in order to prepare you for the rest of my post: You think that she replaced you right away. You are assuming that she didn't look for anyone else until she broke up with you. That is a wrong assumption. This guy she is with, she had met and assessed long before she broke up with you. At some point, she knew she didn't want you anymore, and started looking for options.
Do you think that a man materialized out of thin air the minute she dumped you? Of course not.
Having said that, I can tell you the good news: you can survive this! Many other men and women have survived things worse than this. Though this is much more easily said than done, all it takes is a conscious decision not to choose to ruin your own life.
She wants to be "friends". Well, if you want to heal your wounds, don't be. At least not for the time being. I bet there is something very cool for you to do at this point: do it, don't think about her, et cetera.
Yes, you will love again.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2010): I have been in this situation myself and I understand that it feels like you can never love again, the pain and humiliation does make you feel like your not good enough and it makes it so hard for you to be able to move on. I myself went through a period after my ex broke up with me, we got back together, and then he broke up with me again and went straight to another (now ex) friend of mine, and he got her pregnant, and marroed her. I loved him and was ready to make the commitment to him, but he didn't feel the same way.
I never thought I could love again because it hurt so deeply, I was so easily replaced, now I have a wonderful man who loves me completely and although I never expected to fall in love, I am more in love with him than I ever have been with anyone. You will fall in love again, it will take time, but there is someone special out there for you bec ause you are obviously a wonderful man who cares very deeply for the people he loves, and that is special. Don't lose hope. It would be nice to think that she will realise how much she hurt you and feel some remorse, but in my experience that didn't happen, I'm not saying it can't happen in your case, just that it didn't in mine, and now I am glad it didn't. The thing I learnt from my experience is that once it's over it's better left over, if they can do it once they can do it again, and it hurts worse the 2nd time around. being friends is fine, but you need to do what is right for you, because she is doing what she thinks is right for her.
I hope that you get through this painful time, I wish you all the best.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2010): Dear OP,
I have been thru the same thing. First of all cut contact with her. I took a lil hit on my self-esteem and really shook my confidence at work and everything. Best thing that helped with me was finding something else to put my time in. I ended up taking on a lot of sports and random clubs. I did anything to shake the thought of my ex from my mind. Id even recommend signing up for a martial arts class. It sounds like you got burnt pretty bad emotionally. Im sorry and I know what that feels like. It really rocks your world and it re-works it. I got faith that you can get thru it but you need to find it withn yourself. Don't worry about her, or think about her. Cut contact for at least 6 months or at least until ur ready. Don't give her your friendship she broke up with you. Wait a while then review weather you want to be friends with her. Keeping her around now is going to end up hurting in the long game. She is using your contact with her to get over you and okay it with you. Let her go. If she comes back she does if she doesn't she doesnt. Good Luck Josh
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2010): wow! I feel you. everyone's been through it it feels like noon ein the world can understand what you're feeling or going through..but it's not true! time is the only thing that can heal your heart its just that simple. I am sorry if that sounds like nuthn but its true!! you will feel all you're feeling and more for a while until your heart allows you to let go and move on..you said you dnt feel like you deserve to be with her?? that's crazy! she's the one who hurt you! and personally if she went off that fast to dud then she obviously was messing with him b4 then.but thats just my personal opinion.. love doesnt do that! long distance relationships are hard but if you were willing to relocate and that still didnt keep yall 2gether then nothn would have, it was just eventual. I hate that you feel this way because as I stated we've all been through it and it's a pain that nothin can stop it but gettn through it!! you will be ok! and yes u will love again and most of all you will be much stronger.. it's nothin wrong with being friends with someone you're not with anymore but to me it depends on what happened..and in your situation I myself couldnt be friends just like that it would take time but the point is if u can handle it fine, but if u cant let go for a while until u heal you!!! you have no reason to be embarassed or feel unworthy...you're a good guy with a good heart and unfortunately not everyone cares about that when you think they would..you deserve someone who appreciates every aspect of you....it will take more than 2mnths but u will look bak one day and be fine about it....trust you and what you need, and its not someone who would let u go and move on in a matter of days...you'll love again!!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2010): Sweetie ~ I am so very understanding and affecting of your heart ache. I live it, and I have also blossomed from it, in strength, wisdom and ultimately character.
I am a firm beleiver that Everything happens for a POSITIVE reason, even if during the interim unbearable pain and suffering ensues. Have you ever heard of the saying, "No pain no gain?" Well it is precisely this required dynamic which catches and sustains one complete and undivided attention such that in the end he grows and shares the invaluable lessons which he will forever cherish dear.
KNOW THIS!
Now, with respect to your ex, you love her correct? Be happy for her..and never turn your back on her.
~PREDESTINATION IS BEYOND ONE'S CONTROL. IF IT'S MEANT TO BE, IT WILL BE REGARDLESS~
God Bless Sweetie.
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reader, JayJay101 +, writes (21 November 2010):
hey just stay strong is all that i can say i kind of going thru sumthing like that i moved from chicago to los angeles to be with my ex fiance and a year later she left me we have been broken up for about 6 months i still communicate with her here and there but im going to cut it off really soon cuz like you said it really hurts and brings back memories she left because she said she couldnt trust me and we fought alot but u never really know i can only hope its for that reason but it was all of a sudden and very surprising also just like ur situation so now im all alone here in los angeles with no family she left with no compassion but what has kept me going forward is that i know someday i will find someone that will love me just as much as i love them thats what keeps me going forward and also having god in ur life so he can give u the strength to keep going forward i know its really hard and very depressing but just keep strong and with time u will forget and move on trust me you will move on buddy just keepp strong and have faith im going thru the same anytime man just hit me up if u wanna talk about it or if i can help with anything alrite bro keep strong
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female
reader, Marie23 +, writes (21 November 2010):
I have gone through a hard breakup also, I am not going to lie it was the most difficult thing i have ever had to deal with. Everyday I was sad, it hurt and I couldnt stop thinking of him. Twice he broke up with me and twice for 6 months I cried myself to sleep. everyone says to get out and get your mind off of the heartache, hang out with friends keep yourself busy..truth is it doesnt work. Nothing and no one can help you get over it until one day your heart decides to move on. I cant tell you when that will happen but it will. I have heard the exact thing I am telling you plenty of times and I couldnt believe it, but one day you'll realize you havent even thought of her all day and that is when you know you have moved on. She may come back into your life, she may not. You have to focus on making yourself happy somehow, if being sad is all you can manage then so be it but one day you wont want to be sad and it WILL happen. I have gone through this for a yr and a half and only a few months ago I was finally able to say I was happy again. you can love again, it may take time it may happen next week who know's. Focus on yourself is all the advice I can give because it is ultimately up to you to move on, not anyone else or what they say to do.
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A
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reader, Racna1305 +, writes (21 November 2010):
 lol ahhh been there done that. I have had had a woman leave me for a guy she was friends with and they end up together soon after the break up. Contacting her makes things worse, and you will end up wondering "What if" "Maybe she will come back""Does she still like me""What did I do wrong?"Well the thing is man, this is common in alot of relationships especially in the 18-23 age bracket. This is the time when people want to explore and see what else is out there. She wants to keep in touch for one of the two reasons or maybe both.1. She feels like crap for what she did and she feels being in contact with you helps you during your heartbreak...it doesn't and while she is happy with her new toy you are unhappy and hurt.2.She wants to test the waters and keep you around while she does what she wants.There is no way someone who once loved you can easily date someone else a week after a breakup. That's nonsense....Do what I did, dont contact her at all. Dont answer calls, dont text dont do anything. I was in your same shoes and we did long distance, bad thing was I MOVED near her only to get dumped a week later and she date another guy a week after. Lol ahhh....But anyway, dont contact her. You need to go out and have fun. Enjoy your life, do your favorite hobbies and meet new people. Distraction of the mind and time is the remedy of a broken heart. Its ok to see how she is doing but keep like once or twice a month but for a while let her initiate the contact. ENJOY LIFE man, go be happy, never let someone take that away from you. I know exactly how you feel, happened to me twice. Biggest mistake you can do is treat others wrong because of her wrong doing. Leave this in the past and give every woman you meet in the future a clean slate. Dont let this make you insecure man, I know it sounds wierd coming from me being a few years older but you are too young to feel you cant love again. What comes around goes around and I can tell you that every girl that has done that to me always get bad karma and end up trying to get back with me. Bet the same will happen for you, as soon as that guy does wrong she will ask herself."Why did I leave him for this guy" She will try to reach you wondering why you have not contacted her. She doesnt know what you're up to or if you have a girlfriend or anything.If she doesnt contact you again then it wasnt meant to be and by that time you will be over her or with someone else better or both. I felt there was no one better than my ex, BOTH OF THEM. And I always found someone better, this is a life experience for you, take it and use it
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