A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've had an extremely difficult school quarter. I started out my sophomore year of college by quiting my fraternity. Due to the backlash and harassment I received due to leaving I ended up in a very dark place emotionally and was extremely distraught and depressed. I'm was a member of my college student government(second term) and due to the bad place I was in I ended up resigning. About a month and a half ago I received a text message from the girl (one year older than me) I'd mentored for the past year and helped to get elected asking if I wanted to go out one weekend night. She specifically used the words "it's a date" after I'd accepted. I'm extremely shy and timed around girls. I'm almost 20 and I've never dated/kissed a girl/held a girls hand before. For me getting a hug from her after going out a second time was a big deal. I spent a lot of time asking her male best friends who I am also good friends with for advice on how to proceed and he assured me that the fact that I was taking things extremely slowly was a good thing as she'd never been in a serious relationship before. Her assured me that we were dating and that there that we'd be a really good couple and he was happy for me. His sentiments that we were dating were echoed by most of her close friends that I know.We went on 2 more what I would consider dates, after the first time she asked me to a movie, seeing 2 concerts at the local music college. We begun to spend quite a lot of time together. Over the month and a half we spent at least an hour together every single day and the weekend when she went back to her home town we spent it texting constantly. Our Typical Sunday had us hanging out from 5pm until 11pm just studying together. We're both officers in an engineering student group and word apparently got around that we were dating. A member mentioned during a meeting a word of congratulations on our dating and she exploded. She looked at me and told me that she had a boyfriend of a year. Apparently I'd misunderstood that us hanging out was just her being a friend because I'd been in a bad place. She hasn't talked to me since and it's been six days. All her friends are shocked by the existence of this guy. She'd actually introduced me to him as "her friend." What I'm asking for is how to I fix things between us. She's been the person that got me through my depression from the back lash of quiting my fraternity. After I realized how mad she was at me I hit an even lower point and didn't get out of bed on tuesday. I'm usually an extremely private person and I had confided a lot of my problems and issues with her. She also shared a lot of her random ambitions and opinions on life. I still have feelings for her which I understand she'll most likely never reciprocate. At the very least I really want my friend back at the very least though and have no idea how to get that back. Any advice?
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female
reader, QuirkLady +, writes (21 November 2010):
 I have to wonder why she didn't mention her boyfriend up front. You'd think that would have come up in a month and a half!
I suggest you give her a little more space, and then shoot her a text asking how she is. Nothing heavy, just friendly stuff. See if she responds. This would also be a good time to rely on your other friends. I'm sure she's not the only one who cares about you.
Good luck.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2010): Ok.
I do feel for you since you have been let down but
a) you got yourself out of your depression
b) if she misleads you and then punishes you for it then you owe her nothing
c) you probably will never get her back as a close friend since the circumstance but you can slowly become a good friend to her.
d) let her come back to you. give her space. move on.
Good luck, friend.
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