A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have being with my bf 4 over 3 years i have a 19month old girl with him. For the 1st year and a half of our relationship things was amazing in everyway once our daughter was born it slowly but surely went down hill in everyway. Ive noticed myself being distant from him but not meanin 2 we've started arguing a lot about the tinyest thing etc. Things in the bedroom are a no go from my side sometimes i feel i be happier away from him and when i took this step i wanted him back and things ares still the same ive no idea what to do or say now and i fight with my mind and heart everyday for a answer but get nower. Please help. Am 24 and hes 26. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, jimrich  +, writes (18 September 2010):
You are caught up in the very same struggle as most others - baby or not. You just do not KNOW HOW to make the relationship work once the honeymoon is over and the dull everyday routines come back. Most of us were not taught how to make a good relationship at home by our parents, etc. and have not been offered any information to prepare us for the business of making a good relationship and our children suffer the most with unhappy parental role models.Aside from offering some simple, quick tips like: try to treat each other the way you did at the beginning with loving tenderness, passion, respect, total honesty, loyalty, joy, humor, absolute commitment and other things, you need to get some TRAINING in relationship skills which you both now lack. Your child will benefit greatly by having two happy parents so go here and get stared learning how to make your child a happy, respectful, loving home with two wonderful parental role models so your child can grow up KNOWING HOW to make a relationship work.{Moderator note: link to search on relationship tips removed}Good luck making things good for your child.
A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (17 September 2010):
Hi there. Life can get pretty tough when a baby comes along.
For a start, there are the sleepless nights. So as a consequence of that, you walk around all day feeling exhausted. When you feel exhausted, you don't feel particularly cheerful or inspired either. Your fuse would be a lot shorter also. So your patience would be less.
Then of course, as a young baby takes up so much of your time, that also means that you have less time to dedicate to your boyfriend. He might be feeling a bit left out. That's also common.
Because you are already feeling tired most of the time, you wouldn't feel much like talking with your boyfriend, or even having sex much either.
In this new baby situation, you can really get into a rut that seems impossible to get out of.
What I suggest regards the tiredness, is to try and have a nap whenever you put your baby down for her nap - during the day - and refresh yourself that way. It's probably the only real chance that you would get anyway (except for the night). And don't worry if you have to put some other things aside (housework etc.), they can wait. Your health and wellbeing are far more important.
Another idea you might like to try, (when you are not tired), is going for a walk with your child in her stroller. Just put some comfortable clothes and walking shoes on, then walk for about 30 minutes. Just walk at a comfortable, medium pace. It's a great way to relieve stress. It's outside in the fresh air, mother nature, and it will do you both so much good. You will feel fantastic afterwards. It's also some "me time" for you, to be alone with your own thoughts. You will find some peace in doing these walks.
Try to make it a habit - every day if you can. And especially, if you reach a point in your day sometimes, where you are just fed-up and feel like screaming in frustration. To go for a walk then, will put everything into perfect perspective. Then you'll feel great. Walking as a regular habit, will also increase your energy.
Walking is a wonderful way to feel relaxed. The three of you could go for a walk a couple of times a week before your evening meal. That's a great way to talk to each other and really get to know each other all over again. You could talk and laugh, and just enjoy each other's company. It will be very therapeutic for both of you. But during the days when it's just you and your daughter, still go for your walks with her as well. This way you get your "me time" walks, then you, your boyfriend and your daughter, get your time together. I'm sure you will enjoy it - it could become a ritual! And a very good one at that. Try it, it's very much worth your while.
Your boyfriend's mood will improve when he sees that you are happier and more content. It will rub off, as when he comes home from work, you will be relaxed and at peace with the world. You will be cheerful and happy, so you will be fun to be around once again.
Good luck, and best wishes.
...............................
|
