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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: Hi my name is Nicole and I am 25 years old. I have been dating Justin for almost 2 years. We have a great relationship and he has never had a problem showing me affection. 7 months ago we went to a party and we got into an arguement and he stormed out. I didn't realize that he had as much to drink as he did (I thought he had one drink). I followed him and tried talking to him in the car. We continued to argue as he drove home and got into a car accident. (He was speeding and went through a red light). I suffered a broken pelvic, leg, ribs, fracture neck and minor spinal injuries. I had 4 surjuries and was int he hospital for almost 3 months. Justin has had a hard time dealing with accident and blames himself. But every since coming home from the hospital he has been different. He hasn't been opening up to me and keeos his ditance. He won't be intimate with me or physical in any way. If I try to talk to him he jsut shuts down. Why would he be like this? and how can I explain to him that I need the old him back Reply to this Question
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male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (30 September 2009):
At the moment, he's dealing with the fact that he's been in an accident and that you almost died. You have to give him time. You can only be there for him, so make sure he knows that you love him and that you want to be there for him. He'll open up when he's ready. give him time.
A
male
reader, rcn  +, writes (30 September 2009):
 I understand where you're coming from. This had been a hard trial for both of you. You want to move forward from this, he's still living in the trauma of what happened. I hope neither one of you drink and drive anymore. It's sad when lessons are learned to get us thinking there might be something to the risk of being impaired and driving.
Look at this from his side. You made it, but may not have. You have the opportunity to live, and I'm sure this has opened your eyes to life searching a little more than before. For him, it's not that you lived, I'm sure he's grateful for that, but what causes where he is now is the possibility that you may not have.
I don't think he sees this as being something that's forgivable. He hasn't forgiven himself. He won't accept your forgiveness because in his mind, he's not going to do or accept what he feels he doesn't deserve.
His acts drinking a driving caused these injuries. I don't think he's trying to hurt you. I believe he's still in the phase of punishing himself for what happened. I'm imagining if I were in his shoes. I don't see myself being able to move forward in this circumstance. I'd believe I needed a great deal of punishment and I'd also see the relationship as my not deserving to be with the one I caused the pain to.
Have you really talked at all since this happened? I know he's not wanting to talk. This is still killing him inside, guilt, depression, creating his own little hell of punishment. I want him to hear what you have to say. So when you're both sitting, watching tv or whatever. Turn it off. Tell him he doesn't have to talk, but you want him to listen. Then tell him how you feel. Let him know how important it is to you that you two get back to an actual relationship.
If you can't get him to do that, put it down on paper, and give it to him. Some guys see emotions as being a sign of weakness, so he may not be willing to listen, if it means showing a side of himself that may be weak. I recommend therapy for both of you. Do so as a couple then each of you solo.
I hope this helps. Best wishes to both of you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2009): It sounds as if he's suffering from post tramatic stress. I'd suggest that the two of you find a theropist and go together. Some sessions apart will likely be suggested.
He needs to address this, or it's going to haunt him for years. It sounds as if you've forgiven him (or that you never blamed him) but that he's NOT fogiven himself. I belive that if you and the theropist can get him to see that the ONLY thing holding him back is HIM, that you can crack the door open and get him back out...
Good luck, glad that you're much better! Now, go heal him!
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