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male
,
anonymous
writes: This whole mess sounds too stupid to even talk about when I write it out, but my feelings are still real and I don't know what to do. I've known "Sally" for about four years now. She was married when we met, with two children from a previous marriage. She was very unhappy. We were friends and then very close. At the time I was still raising my two children. We did have some communication issues, and I guess I hurt her feelings a couple of times without meaning to, or even realizing it. Apparently, after about a year and a half of being very close with each other, she started seeing a third person "Dick" - although I didn't know it. Three months later, she finally left her husband "Harry" and moved in with him, "Dick." She says she did it because he had considerable money and she needed to feel secure. That's been a big issue for her.It didn't go very well there, though, and she would sometimes leave him, and even come to stay with me. But then she would go back to him within a week. She would consistently say she didn't feel "good enough" to be with me. Is that just an excuse? Or is that genuine? Throughout all of this time, she would constantly stay in contact with me, tell me she loved me, talk to me about how she was unhappy there. I would repeatedly ask if she just wanted to be friends; she always said, "No." But she wouldn't commit to be with me, either.In May of 2005, she finally left "Dick." Her ex- left their home and she moved back into it. We started seeing each other again. But then she got scared again. And even started dating "Dick" again, briefly. At this point, I had nothing to do with her for some time. In August of 2005, she started seeing someone else, "Tom." Shortly thereafter, she reached out to me and we were talking again. About November, she broke up with "Tom." We talked a lot; we spent a lot of time together. She said she loved me; she knows that I love her and always have. But within a three weeks, she started getting distant again. She keeps saying that she feels she's "not good enough." A week later, she was back with "Tom" again. They repeatedly would break up and get back together. He's very controlling. She says she likes the security of that, but also can't stand it. She says she really loves him, that he really touched her deeply. But, she broke it off with him and has nothing to do with him now.A few days ago, she reached back out to me. She's still hurting, but she's through with him. I still love her. I don't know if she's talking to me as just friends? Or if she really cares? If, maybe if I give her some time after "Tom," I'll have a chance to finally be with her? Her family likes me a lot. My family, which I understand, thinks I should stay far away from her forever. I still love her, though. She does seem to have grown a lot over the last year. I have no idea what I should do. Sorry this is so long; after four years, there's actually a lot not included.
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female
reader, carebear  +, writes (25 April 2006):
 You have answered this yourself (Tom, Dick, Harry) come on have you heard of unrequited love that 's what you have dear she won't commit to anyone jumping here & there I think your family have yoyr best interests at heart stay away find someone else she will never settle with 1 guy and she's right you are too good for her
Take Care
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