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male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: Hi everyone,Im 20 years old, and from calafornia,i have been going out with my girlfriend jane(20) for about a month, we were good friends (that slept together) before we decided to be a couple.I love spending time with her, we can talk about anything, have loads of fun and laughs and the sex is great! However after a certain conversation i started to have doubts...she told me that she has slept with 5 guys AND she CANT'T EVEN remember the number of guys she's been sexually initamate (given BJ's,etc) with. She is open about how much she enjoys sex and talks about masturbation and sexual things she's done very openly and is adventurous in bed. Note: I am her first boyfriend so all her sexual experience have been from random one night stands.She dresses really provocatively when she goes out clubbin with her girl mates and always ends up getting really drunk. The only reason i spent time with this girl initially was because we were having casual sex...then i got to know her and we started to like each other. My mates say i should dump her because she is a slut (but still sleep with her,if she wants) because she's gonna end up cheating on me. However i dont know what to do because we have this great connection that i've never felt before.PLEASE HELP !!! I dont want to throw something great away, But her past sexual history and her actions are really bothering me...i dont want to waste my time just to get cheated on!Thanks really appreciate any comments!
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drunk, her past, one night stand, sexual past Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, DeeDoc  +, writes (13 January 2007):
 THESE ARE MY THOUGHTS: Oh my Lord. Honey, you have more to think about than your girlfriend who has a lot of experience with differnt partners sexually. You have to look at WHY? She tends to be more loose when she drinks, therefore, at this young age, she has a drinking problem. This might be the root of your problem. It is a very serious matter. If she is drinking this much where she cannot remember who she has been sexually active with, then the drinking is the factor. I feel that you can help her with this. Since you were friends first, you can talk with her about it. It might just put a damper on your relationship, but you will be helping her in the long run. It will be a difficult task and a bit of a sore subject. But, that is a normal reaction when you approach someone and tell them about what they are doing wrong. No one is perfect. But, I really do believe that she is headed for alcoholism being she is so young. Your friends are labeling her already, but they do not have the bond that you have with her. Please help her, she needs you, even if she thinks she doesn't. You are in a position where you can help, please do not pass this up. We all have our faults, but we can also learn from them. Let this just be something in her life that she can learn from. Not continue on this self-destructive path. Help her is my advise. You can play a very important role in her life right now. Act upon it. Good luck to you sweetie.
xx
A
male
reader, DocSilverback +, writes (13 January 2007):
 Well buddy, maybe she can't count the number of sexual encounters is because she's doing them while being intoxicated. Sounds to me someone at this young age gets drunk and has sex or 'intmate encounters', due to the outcome of drinking alcohol. Apparently your problem is not what you are thinking of. She has an alcohol problem on top of being very sexually active. Do you really want to go there? If you started as friends, why don't you be a true friend and talk to her about going to AA, since that is what initially start her "sex" trotts. You said that you would not give her a minute of your time, but once she got you into bed, you changed your mind. Geeze, think with your other head dude, the one 3'above your a**. She has made a reputation for herself as being a drunk slut, according to your buds. Try to help her with the first of the two adjectives, drunk...then she will do the 2nd of the two on her own. Once she is sobber, she will probably think twice about giving every Tom, Dick and Harry a blow or two.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2007): Personally, I'm outraged that you're considering dumping the girl because she's got more sexual partners than you have. That shows a lack of confidence on your side.
She's no slut, she's done nothing you haven't done as well.
Honestly, she'd be better off without you because she'll end up finding someone that truly appreciates her.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2007): Bruv, i'm gona tell u straight up-trust me, this is the only way, 4get any p.c stuff people tell u. 1) you whining over whether she'll cheat on you will just make her think you're a sissy and she WILL cheat on you with the next fake hood thug. girls don't cheat when they think that YOU could cheat on them and don't want to lose you and so do whatever they can to keep you. This girl doesn't seem to want to settle down and is doing what a lot of young girls do, just taking things as they come and having as much little experiences as she can before she meets someone 'special'. (although that said, she's nothing as bad as the average girls in london-i've known 20 y o girls to split with a guy and then sleep with 18 guys in 3 months!). Fact is, girls act all sweet-but in fact are probably worse than guys, cos the guys that sleep about are those guys that can get all the girls (about 2%), whereas girls can go into any bar and get sex. You gota accept that, s'not nice but you gota accpet they aren't angels. Take it as it comes bro, be cool. the cooler you are the more she might give all that up for you, cos if you muck up, guaranteed she'll be having more guys. getting drunk does not mean the girls a slut.
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A
male
reader, Big boy +, writes (12 January 2007):
 the past is the past.. what ever happened has happened...
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2007): Hi, (i asked the Q)
Thanks for the response...i AM thinking this through. I kno its definately not a 'cover-up' because she totally knows what she is doing in the bedroom also she has introduced me to a couple of her mates (which she has been with). I spose its more "can't even count" than "can't even remember"...omg i never thought i'd even give a girl that "can't even count" the number of guys she's bin with, even one minute of my time! Yet now i cant stop thinking about it....What the hell am i doing !!!!!!!
jason
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2007): Maybe this is a cynical view, but as many people say, a leopard never changes its spots. I mean she slept with you when you were just friends? So who's to say the next 'friend' that comes along she won't be sleeping with? The fact that you have come to ask the question shows you don't trust her, in which case you shouldn't be having a relationship with her since relationships are built on trust. If you do trust her, what your mates say wouldn't matter, but the fact that what they have said does ring true to you, sounds as if you can't trust her.
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A
female
reader, cd206  +, writes (12 January 2007):
 You say your relationship is something great. Then why are you thinking about throwing it away? We all make mistakes in our youth. Would you want her to think less of you if you'd made some bad judgements. Also have you considered the possibility that the reason she's saying she can't remember is to cover up a total lack of experience? Just a thought. Hope that helps.
CD
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