A
male
age
41-50,
*oul83
writes:Great 2 months of unstable marriage. At first I was appreciated. We used to love each other prior to getting married but... In these 2 months, we have had epic arguments, I've been called idiot etc. We had an argument tonight and she went further to say: I'm an idiot, she doesn't love me, soon she will divorce me and to watch out as she is now looking for another man and things cannot go back to how they were before. Yeah just upset talk I'm sure. But I keep thinking wtf and why say that after such a short time of marriage?? I have been a bit strong and grumpy lately... Anyway, do you guys think I should ignore the threat of her seeking another man or get angry and walk out (perhaps permanently) as I think no man deserves that s*** from his woman...when a couple are deeply upset, they should work out the problems, not just say 'up yours' and move on!I wrote the above in anger. I found a really good link below: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/husband-threatens-to-cheat-and-divorce-me-.htmlWell, what can I say? Think it's a good idea to print the DIY Divorce papers to scare her?I'm getting more and more disappointed. Now she is threatening to cheat on me...I need a reason to not leave her tomorrow!!
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (2 February 2012):
 No one is telling you to stay with her, only you can make that decision. However, do it sooner rather then later - move on with your life and stop that drama.
A
female
reader, Elydiese  +, writes (2 February 2012):
well go then, tell her, leave her or stay. Dont keep updating on here go actually do something about it
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A
male
reader, soul83 +, writes (1 February 2012):
soul83 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI am absolutely fuming! She walked out the door like a prostitute saying she is going to f**** other guys. Talking like a prostitute. I think tonight is going to end very badly for her. I am so angry that I want to slap her down. Slap her a thousand times over. I have never been so p****** off in all my life. Enough is enough and I won't take this anymore. I won't back down this time. I am not walking away without having my say. She wants a fight so that is what she will get.Oh and yes the family are going to hear about her bs and bad behaviour. They can all sit back there in China and see what she has done to this good man. I am not backing down. I am disgusted in her. And so unbelievably angry. Thanks for bringing me to the lucky country, now I can s**** on you by sleeping with other men. So much anger in me right now.
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A
male
reader, soul83 +, writes (1 February 2012):
soul83 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWeak man?? This man sacrificed 2 years of his life to up and go to China to work and be with this woman! And now that we are back in Australia, I have been trying to take care of her. I get up at 7am to make sure she has breakfast before work, I look after the house and even help her to attend doctors appointments.I attend interviews. I have part time work. I am genuinely trying to job search. My reward? Everyday put down. Called idiot, more hatred towards me, now threats of leaving me. I am not perfect by any means but I simply choose to stand up to her and say 'no! Don't hit me and don't speak to me like that!'... What's wrong with demanding respect from your partner?So, many of you are saying to stick around? Ok then I will continue the selfless and unappreciated role for as long as I can stand. But I don't know why I should help someone who is merely using me now...??
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (1 February 2012):
No, let her go back home - SHE can explain to her family what happened. (though I doubt she will be honest about it)
So, she married you for the Immigrations/Visa, now you know.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (1 February 2012):
There was no indications that you two were not in a happy place when you got married? Because, let's face it is VERY rare that a women (or man) goes completely nuts after the ceremony.
IF however, she did, then yea I would divorce, because obviously, she isn't going to change. She wants YOU to make all the changes.
If he doesn't love you, think you are an idiot, why stay? Because you love her? Because you hope she might change her mind? Honestly, I would be filing already.
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A
male
reader, Relationship.Chef +, writes (1 February 2012):
 Here's a thought.
Stop wasting your time posting here, and, become the man that your wife wants you to be.
The ONLY reason she's threatening a divorce and cheating on you is that you have not lived the ideal that she's had of you in her mind.
Remember, Eastern cultures are a greater deal more strict than our Westernized ideals, and, a good provider is essential to her happiness.
Be a big boy, stop complaining, stop couples counseling, put your back into it, go out, and, get any friggin' job you can. While you're at it, still search to your heart's content for something that will make you happy.
By then, if she's not satisfied with your (demonstrated) hard work, and, you telling her very simply "Sweetie, I'm working very hard on making a buck. I don't like it, it's brutal work, but, I still find the time to search for something in my field, and, I always have a kind word and a smile for you", then, feel free to walk.
But, if you give up before then, then, you're not a man. You're a weak, self-disrespecting semblance of a human being.
Be a man!
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A
male
reader, soul83 +, writes (1 February 2012):
soul83 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI can't sleep because of her comment and this time I want to come and collect my things and leave her to find her man.
I am so sorry to all the people that tried to comment and help me. I think it is better to let her go. Let her be free and find true happiness. I have no idea how she plans to do that as she will have 28 days to leave Australia once I contact immigration. Back to China for her.
All her hard work and effort here busting her a** to learn the job and history was for nothing. I can't explain the sadness in my heart right now to hear her tell me that she is now looking for a new man.
Guess I wasted too much time chasing her :-(
I won't stay while she fools around behind me and ignores me. Should I tell her family everything she did to me after I leave? I have photo evidence of where I was hit a few times before.
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A
male
reader, LovelessAct1 +, writes (1 February 2012):
You two need counseling. Please go see someone. On the side, however, look into what it would take to get a divorce lawyer (don't tell her about it and don't commit to actually getting the lawyer, but if worse comes to worse, you NEED to be prepared and at least have an idea of what you should look for).
If she is really threatening those things, she has issues. Maybe you both have issues, who knows, but she obviously doesn't care about you feelings. Like I said, see a marriage counselor and get into an environment where you can effectively talk about your disagreements without just yelling. But again, look into getting yourself a lawyer just in case she wants to take it to the level of divorce; you'll need to protect your assets.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2012): "After only 2 months of marriage the arguments are terrible and she is threatening to cheat! Why is she doing this and how do I sort this out?"
"Why is she doing this . . ." You are now discovering that's who the person whom the total stranger you married really is, always has been, always will be. You just didn't know it when you married this particular total stranger.
". . . how do I sort this out?" Petition for annulment or file for divorce as the better you get to know her, the worse that the living hell otherwise known as your life with her will continue to get every single day.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (1 February 2012):
 Isn't this you? http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-am-on-my-way-out-the-door.htmlPlease get yourself into a couples counselor's office ASAP. You received a great deal of advice on that last thread and obviously, nothing has helped.SHE has to want to communicate and work with you to solve the problems you encounter in your marriage.Sadly, it sounds as though you two aren't very compatible and if one partner refuses to show up and do the work needed to repair the damage, there's nothing left to save.Couples counseling, TODAY. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2012): They say the first year of marriage is the hardest. On some level I believe that. Alot of people have this romantic idea of what marriage should be, and when it isnt they get upset. Also, a marriage can feel like a loss of independance, because now you rely on him, and him on her. Its really just an adjustment period.
Honestly, either your wife is a right out bitch, but you wouldve seen that before, or she is crying out for something from you.
I think understanding women may help you a bit. Women dont cheat for the same reasons men do. Men see someone they are attracted to, and they want her. Or the man is getting alot of flattery from a pursuring woman and eventualy gives in. A woman is based on emotions. We cheat because a man is giving us what our partner isnt. Which is usualy attention.
Although this may sound really wierd, I would load her up on attention, with no stress or arguing. Buy her flowers, make her dinner, watch a movie, give her a foot rub. Make an evening all about her. Tell her you think she is beautiful and everything you ever wanted. Make her feel loved and desired. Dote on this woman you have married.
Do not pressure her to talk, she will do that when she is ready.
Please try this, I think you may see a difference in her behaviour.
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