A
female
age
41-50,
*ainaaa
writes:Since my husband cheated me, I am unable to trust any other men. I see all men in the same eye.Everyone is same. They all are shits! But I want to live a happy life. How can I see others in a different way? Or are there anyone who is good? Can I get someone who is good and whom I can trust? pls help Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, SkyLaBleu  +, writes (19 June 2008):
 You've been hurt and I understand totally. It wasn't fair-afterall you'd been faithful right?Well what would you tell a man who's woman had cheated on him? Don't you think it'd be unfair for him to think all women are just shit and cheaters? You afterall, did not cheat. There are good guys out there, who stand by their morals. Others just don't care. But I promise you, not all men are pigs.The first step to see them differently is to try to find the good in them. As in if you meet some guy-don't automatically think 'he'd cheat on me'. That wouldn't be a fair chance for him, nor you because you might be missing out on a really good guy.I know you'll look at my age and think, 'how does she know?'. Well I've been through this with my dad, after my mom cheated. ( My dad had cheated on her before they were married, in his younger years, but stopped when he fell in love with her.....he never cheated in all the eleven years they were married.)She's not a bad person, she made one mistake but for a good reason. It's complicated.My family has been split in half. But now, after almost five years, my dad is finally, truly, trusting her again. They still are in love, but my dad is remarried-we all know who's he's gonna choose (my mom....believe me, my whole family knows that.)I really don't care as long as they're happy.Sweetie there are good guys out there, but you have to give in a little. Get to know a guy. But have a guard up as well. At the same time though, keep in mind he's not your husband and is a completely different person.Don't rush things as that would turn into a disaster.Take it step by step and if he has a problem with the trust issue, explain to him why you have one.It's completely normal.Let everything come natural.Relax.Why worry about something when the only reason you'd think a guy would cheat is because your husband did?That's not fair.I hope I helped, and good luck hun!
A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (19 June 2008):
 You have been hurt and that is not fair.
However, how would you advise the man who married a woman only to learn that she was unfaithful to him?
If he now believed that all women cheated, and that he could not love another woman, and that all women were ****, what advice would you give him?
You know that not all women cheat (you did not), thus what would you say to convince him? Start with helping others to help you find your own peace.
-Frank B Kermit
www.frankadviceforwomen.com
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A
male
reader, jay12toes +, writes (19 June 2008):
 i hate that. one big jerk ruins every other guys chances with a girl. it happens way too often. i dont blame you for your trust issues but you need to know not all men are pigs, some of us have morals and we stand by them. but sadly, there are less and less good guys in this world. it makes me so angry when stuff like that happens because thanks to that jerk you will eventually meet a really great guy and it wont work out because you will always doubt him. i guess the best advice i can give is please try not to doubt someone who hasnt given you reason to doubt them.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2008): just because one does it doesn't mean they all do it. you have to be willing to look for a good guy. find the good side first when you meet a new man. it takes time to learn how to trust again. i know from experience. i was in the same shape-i was cheated on and i thought it would never be possible to trust every again. sure i saw all men as pigs or dogs that only wanted sex. get out there and date-dont look for flaws first thing, because then you'll never like any man u meet. look for the good traits and signs that he's NOT a cheater! now that u are familiar with the signs of a cheater, you know just what to avoid. good luck to ya love!
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