A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hello my name is tinker and i have a question i am married im young and i dont think i am in love with my husband any more sorry i no it sounds bad and i feel bad but at the same time idk what to do about my feelings i cant stand the way he treats me i feel i can do better for myself and i feel like there is someone els out there for me someone who will treat me the way i feel i should be i been with him for a really long time just got married two months ago i have been unhappy for a really long time tryed leaving him but he wont let me leave its really bad to feel this way i no but at the same time i cant help it im not alowed to have friends and i never leave the houes i feel more like a friend then anything els i dont even no him any more i feel like going crazy half the time he makes me feel like im not good enough any more never showes me affection never have sex nothing idk what to do can you pleas pleas help me
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male
reader, Presto +, writes (13 September 2010):
 Tinker, I know exactly how you feel. The week before my wedding I sat down with my fiance and told her that I didn't think that we should get married because the person that I was dating prior to the engagement had faded away and a more passive person had taken her place. This person was sitting in front of me. I wanted the older more vivacious person to come back. My wife promised that this was just a phase she was going through and things would change back when we got married. What a sucker I was. Six weeks after we got married she brought up the subject of children. I felt so tricked and trapped. She went so far as to stop taking her birth control without discussing it with me and she got pregnant. Our son is now 2. It's been 3 years now since we got married and I'm doing what a responsible father should do, providing for his family. If you want to make the marriage work, the bring up the subject of seeing a marriage counselor. It's not uncommon for new couples to go through counselling the first couple of years. Perhaps the reality of marriage is setting in and he's having difficulty dealing with it and is in turn lashing out at you because he doesn't know how to properly handle his feelings. If he doesn't want to see a marriage counselor, then suggest going down to the courthouse to have the marriage annulled. If he get's mad, then leave and get a lawyer, a mean one who will get you what you need to get out of it. Then move on with your life. You need to be strong and show that you're not afraid of him. However if you're going to suggest any of what I just mentioned, don't do it while you're emotional. Wait for things to be calm, and spring it on him when he least suspects it. He won't have a reaction or know what to do because you're the one in control of the conversation. You'll have the last word, not him. Consider this, You don't have any kids yet, you don't own any property. You were JUST married. You may be able to have the marriage annulled by the state. You will need to go consult with a lawyer to see if it's possible. Most lawyers don't charge for a consultation. Take time out of work to go see one.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2010): You don't need to go to counseling. You're unhappy, and shouldn't have never gotten married in the first place. If you are a no fault divorce state that is good. Get your stuff and move out. If you think he is going to be abusive towards you, or he has ever been abusive (physically) and you've called the cops try to get a protection order. There is likely an abused woman's shelter that can give you some advice, and point you toward some legal resources. But don't stick around... move on and try to find a better life, either by yourself, or with a man that will treat you like a princess.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2010): If he threatened you physically or verbally when you tried to leave and he "wouldn't let" you, you need to involve the police before you leave him.
Now, I can speak from experience: I was married at 17 to my first husband. I KNEW it wasn't right between us LONG before I said "I do". I spent the next 9 years being treated like crap and hating myself and my life. I look back and wish I had gotten out (or never gotten in)sooner.
Life is TOO SHORT to spend it miserable. And, whether he realizes it or not, he'll be better off, too. If he's not a creep that bullies you, he deserves a relationship with someone that loves him.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (13 September 2010):
 Well tinker, any chance your last name is bell? Just kidding.
Honey, if he's doing all this why did you marry him? Or did he all of a sudden change? If you're not happy, he's not allowing you to have friends, everyone needs friends, there's no love or sex, then I would tell him you want to go to marriage counseling because you feel this marriage needs to be fixed. However, if he refuses and continues to bully you around then pack your things in a suitcase just about everything you need, make sure you take some money out of the ATM, and while he's at work one day, make a break for it to your parent's house, or go to a relative's house. Tell him you will not come home until things change and he agrees to marriage counseling, or send him divorce papers in the mail. I'm not sure what's the time period that you can still get your marriage annulled. Check into that. As a married woman myself, marriage isn't easy and it does take time to work at it but it's supposed to be a balanced relationship. Your husband can't control you like he is, take back that control!
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