A
female
age
30-35,
*cythe
writes:If you go on a few dates with someone new, and see them alot during the week, talk on the phone, go over each other's houses etc - would you be bf/gf?I was wondering, what is the usual amount of time before you should start assuming you are a couple, and if you should just assume, or talk about it?Personally, how long has this been (in terms of dates or time) for you?I haven't had very much experince in relationships (just one, to be precise) and I think I expected the wrong things, rushed it, and eventually ruined it.I thought it was best to just rely on what you feel, but this didn't really work for me.Any advice? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, sugar_sugar  +, writes (19 February 2008):
 I would never make that assumption personally speaking. After seeing someone for long enough/developing that emotional attachment I would have the inevitable conversation about being exclusive to each other.
If you're exclusive I would consider that boyfriend and girlfriend.
A
female
reader, Oblivia  +, writes (18 February 2008):
 Hi,
The exact same thing happened to me. I have since then thought a lot of this, like how do you really know that someone really likes you even though it seems very much like it. I think it is impossible to say and one reason is that so many things can happen within the other person that you can never have control over. It is up to what is going on within him. One can never be really sure what is going on the other person's head and therefore one can only make up one's own mind.
If it feels good with you and it seems like the guy feels good about everything too, the only thing to do is to be honest to one's own feelings and tell how it feels for you. From his answer you will hopefully understand how he feels and whether he will be worth spending time with or whether it is best for your heart to move forward.
Not such a clear answer, sorry, but I really understand how this feels. And what is even worse is that if you figure one out, then the next tend to work completely different. I suppose that is part of the charm too. :)
Take good care!
...............................
A
female
reader, O Connor  +, writes (17 February 2008):
 yeah i see what you mean, well to me and to probably every other girl, these signs would indicate that you were his gf at the time. but like i said wait a while, you dont want to try and put pressure on something that may not be there yet. just enjoy your time with him, the conversation will naturally come along wen you are both ready, stop putting pressure on yourself and be happy with wat you have!!
...............................
A
female
reader, korculan queen +, writes (17 February 2008):
Guys and girls have different views on the committment talk and most guys will run 100 miles in the opposite direction if you have THE TALK even if they are happy dating you. I say tell him that you care about him and you are happy to proceed with the relationship at a pace that is comfortable for the both of you. He will more than likely come around to YOUR WAY OF THINKING and want to define the relationship BUT if you choose to define it when he has not had any thoughts on defining it he will become emotionally distant. Enjoy the dating state your position and date without drama.
...............................
A
female
reader, scythe +, writes (17 February 2008):
scythe is verified as being by the original poster of the question To O Connor
I always thought you shouldn't need to talk about it, and so I just assumed me and my "ex" were a couple. I mean, we did all the coupley things, went on dates, went out with friends together, were intimate (not sex), he invited me over for dinner with his parents, went over each others houses, called each other, etc etc... Sooo I assumed that we were bf/gf right? But apparently, in his mind we just "went on a few dates" and "had fun" and he "didn't want a relationship".
So I was pretty confused and hurt about that, and I thought maybe I was doing something wrong - Like you have to wait until he calls you his girlfriend or something. (I mean his dad called me his girlfriend).
Anyway, thanks for the advice :)
...............................
A
female
reader, O Connor +, writes (16 February 2008):
why do you feel the need to label wat you are? if you feel like a couple, act like a couple and do things couples do, then its safe to say you probably are a couple. ive had a few relationships and it never once occured to me to ask whether or not we were a couple, it just happened, which in my opinion is the way it should happen. why cant you just go with the flow and take things for wat they are? a happy, fun relationship. no doubt sooner or later, he will refer to you as his girlfriend and you will be at ease. but to be honest, is girlfriend such a huge important name?!! im with my bf, never had that conversation, and 3yrs down the line were still here, so i guess we are a couple no? just relax, stop trying to define wat your doing. its not like things are going to magically get amazing if he does say you're a couple
...............................
A
female
reader, happytochat +, writes (16 February 2008):
Hey,
I dont think there can be a set amount of dates that says you are a couple now as everyone vaires. Some people like to just casualy date for a logn time before being serious, some like to become serious more quickly. So if you assume where you stand with a person you could be very very far from the truth. I think its best to talk about it. Assuming that you are a couple is a huge risk.
But personally for me, from the majority of my experiences, after a guy kisses me hes asked me to be his gf. However you cant always exchange a kiss for a relationship.
So yeh its best to talk about it, ask where you stand with him. If you just let things go then well you could end up in a similar situation as to what you were last time and I'm sure you dont want this.
...............................
A
female
reader, luna1212 +, writes (16 February 2008):
The best way to find out where you stand in a relationship is if you meet his friends for the first time and see how he introduces you to them. If he says this is my friend then maybe he isnt to serious with the relationship as you are. Girls tend to want that relationship much quicker than guys. For guys its great to have someone to hang out with and talk to cause they know that you'll be around when they need you. We are in it for the love and companionship.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2008): ohhhhh! sorry hunny
Im not awake properly, Just take it as it comes if you are having a good time when you meet someone then go slow and be happy let it take its course ive never really asked any of my partners the b/f g/f thing ive just gone along quite chilled and seen were it has gone unfortunatly it didnt always go the way id had hoped but thats life eh! hunny. finally though I got there, After 25yrs of practice but I got me a corker so it was worth the wait, Hope that was a little better hunny take care sweetheart love n hugs mandy xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
...............................
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (16 February 2008):
 There is no rigid formula for this as we are all different. Some maybe fast and some maybe slower and some do not mention it at all.It all depends on the individuals.
If you want to confirm b/f or g/f , then you need him /her to confirmed either verbally or in black and white. If it was not said , then it is unwise to assume that he/she becomes a b/f or g/f material.You become only unofficial b/f or g/f .
This is like you are in no man's land. LOL! To the South is a country called 'Friends' and the North called B/f or G/f . You are in the middle which is called no man's land or limbo land.
...............................
A
female
reader, scythe +, writes (16 February 2008):
scythe is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'm not refering to anyone at present, but about a past relationship that went wrong. I assumed we were a couple but he evidently had other ideas.
Just wanted some insight into what I should assume next time :)
...............................
A
female
reader, Dawnie  +, writes (16 February 2008):
 Well if you are going out on dates together then you can presume you are a couple. Why not say to your "friend" Are we going out? i don't think there is anything wrong in that, it's not as if you are suggesting commitment.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2008): Hi Hunny,
If you are happy just go with the flow for now, I never really asked my fella what he thought we were up to it just progressed to him never leaving. If everything is comfortable and you are getting on then hunny just enjoy and take it slow and be happy, I hope this turns out to be something great for you sweetheart with love and hugs MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
...............................
|
