A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:How can I stop dwelling on my past?I had a 2 year relationship which ended last summer. Since then, not a day has gone by where I don't dwell on the fact that my ex doesn't want to be with me anymore. It's been almost 8 months now, and I'm sick and tired of this obstacle being in my face at every waking moment.I think it's all starting to affect my happiness. Instead of just being happy, I worry about things in the future, even though it seems so irrational. I worry about something happening to one of my parents, and as far as I can tell there is no need for it. I'm worried about never finding somebody new, even though I'm very young.How can I end this misery? I'm suppose to be having the time of my life, and I only feel truly happy when I have a girl on my arm, and this ISN'T HOW IT SHOULD BE!!!! What can I do?? I do things I enjoy often, and I go out with friends atleast twice a week after college, but it just doesn't take away the pain of my girlfriend leaving me, even though it was such a long time ago.Please, somebody tell me what I should do. This got out of hand ages ago, and yet, it doesn't appear to be getting better. What should I do?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2008): dude, I'm dealing with the same kinda thing, except ive made a little more forward progress, and also taken a few steps back as well. You will find that "having a girl on your arm" is a really quick fix, but i think girls catch on to that in a way. It's called rebounding, and it's really easy to fall into. I want to warn you about that from my experience. I fell head over heels for a girl about 3 months after breaking up with my girlfriend of 9 years! It was pure heaven, took away all the pain and gave me invincible optimism. Well that shit went up in smoke when the girl started losing interest as I started falling in love with her. I wasn't hurt like my ex hurt me.. but how fast the ex's pain and the new girl pain started creeping back at me. That all happened because I didn't give myself time to get over my ex and was looking for that band-aid. I read a lot of places about learning to be happy alone and content with myself. well to those of you who can do this I applaud you, cause It's a tough road for me. Feels like human nature to want to feel needed and loved. I think some people are more predisposed to hurt than others, maybe its in our genes or something. You might not be making as fast of progress as you'd like, but you are making progress. Ur better today than 3 months ago I'm sure. You probably agree there are good days and bad days. All we have is today, but believe me, sometimes when god doesn't answer prayers, its for a reason, and that might be for a better tomorrow. And you'll know it when you meet the girl that puts a smile on your face from ear to ear about 100 times a day just thinking about her. It will happen. And if that girl walks out on you.. it was for a reason too. You have to appreciate what you have when you have. the bottom line. cause that girl might not be around forever. No kicking yourself over it.. just learn from it. Appreciate whats under your nose. I know it's soo hard thinking about what you had and second guessing everything you did. But that is what life's about. Live and learn and you'll have more to offer the next girl. Life experience. You're living. ...all those crazy emotions are part of the deal. Good with the bad. Enjoy all of it! The advice I give to myself is that the days I dont have a girlfriend.... be preparing for one. Meaning that it will happen, and try to always be ready to put your best foot forward. Get your ass in shape, throw a few more pounds of muscle on, get some nice clothes, work towards your own goals, improve yourself. There's nothing better than being prepared for the girl of your dreams.. so start preparing cause she's somewhere down the road. Be ready!
A
female
reader, O Connor  +, writes (16 February 2008):
 well you need to figure out why you are really feeling like this - is it because of the rejection, do you love her still, or do you just miss the idea of having a girlfriend? you need to figure this out, when you do, you will be closer to getting over whatever you are feeling and why. the thing is you are young, you should be having the time of your life so get out there and try and do it. was she your first girlfriend? maybe your just not used to this happening to you, and you are letting this consume you. the fact is, you will meet someone else, and you will be happy again, try not to dwell in the past and think about wat else is out there, who else is out there you know? sitting around thinking about what could have been is not going to change anything that happened, and your certainly not going to feel better. stop thinking about her, and try and move on, concentrate on all the good things in your life that will always be there for you and will last longer than 2 years. if you really think that this is something you cant get over that easily, then maybe you could talk to someone, to help with the anxiety that you are feeling aswell. i hope this helps somewhat, good luck hun xxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2008): hey ,your situations a bit simalar to mine in fact i swear if i didnt know anybetter id think this was my ex gf trying to get advice on how to sort me out haha, so you aint on your own man happens to all of us.
hang in there bro n ul be alrite,the parent thing is nothing to do with her, although its added stress and worry on top which contributes to you feeling down ,in my case i got an old man doin hard time in the states so it is a real worry, but in your case if theres no health risk or serious danger, i dont really understand, maybe a security thing or summint i dunno ,Learn to seperate the two.The only way to beat feeling down is figure out what it is gets you down and deal with it piece by piece.
you dont need a girl to be happy man i dont, but unfortunetly there is always one girl that stands out in your mind for one reason or another,its natural to want to try and understand what went wrong and ways to put it right, but unfortunetly who ever said true love prevales and all that crap didnt know what the hell they were talking bout lol,cos it doesnt, its a two way thing and about compromise,if shes too stuborn or doesnt want to understand then theres nothing you can do,
all good things come to an end man, look at it this way, it had to end someday, let that day be today for you, cos youl only progressivley get worse if you keep at it, your young theres gonna be plenty more out there, the more time you spend missing this girl, the more girls your gonna miss out on cos you wont notice the next one till the last ones out of your system. hope this advice helps bud ;)
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (16 February 2008):
 You need to stop talking about your ex.Do not talk to your friends or for that matter anybody about your ex.
She is history and you need to forgive her and expunged everything about her from your mind.This will be the last time , you will mention your ex here.
Time is a great healer. Take control of your life and tell yourself that no one can give you happiness. You create your own happiness.You don't have to depend on anyone. You are only responsible for your own happiness.
Find out what is your aspirations in life . Focus on this aspirations and whenever her thoughts popped up in your mind, think of your aspirations and what you want to do.If you do not have any aspirations , then focus on God.
Let go of the past and live in the present. Take each day as it comes.
Do not be too judgmental on yourself and forgive yourself for all the wrongs you did.
Make peace with yourself and your surroundings and you will find peace in your heart.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2008): Hi Hunny
Oh sweetheart you will feel better one day dont give up hunny...All this pain, You need to disconect from your past to the now, Its not easy I no but imagine you are looking at yourself from afar and see the person as another.
That was then this is now, You seem so nice and kind hunny you will most definatly meet someone else oneday and all these experiences you are having have to do with loss, A breakup can be like a grieving experience love. You have lost someone special to you so you worry you are going to loose everyone around you that you care about. Im sending you a link sweetheart and if you need a chat message me
http://www.snzeport.com/dlarticles2/breakup-depression.htm
I do hope you feel better very soon always remember you are strong and have faith in you as a person TAKE CARE LOTS OF LOVE AND PRAYERS MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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A
female
reader, ZoeElizabeth +, writes (16 February 2008):
hey
at the moment it may seem like your only happy with a girl on your arm but mabey all you need to do is go out a bit more and spend some more time with your family. think about why you feel like this, is it because you was in love with your ex lover or is it because you miss the company? there are lots of ways to fill your time. why dont you try doing some more exercise as this is good for your mind and your health it releaves stress in a more positive way. also being around more women and mabey finding a new love interest might help you leave your past behind and consentrate on what you may be missing now.
good luck
Zoe x
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