A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:so i'm 21 and have been with my bf (who is also 21) for almost 4 years. about a year after we started dating I went to a guys house that I worked with and made out with him, the next day I told my bf what happened (but not all the details) he decided to forgive me and work things out eventually I did tell him the details. But this past weekend I found out that he had been expressing interest in his sister's best friend who is 18, by texting her and talking to her over the phone. I found this to be disgusting (btw let me mention that he lied repeatedly about the exact details when the evidence was obvious by what was on his phone) because I was pretty sure that he had thought of her like a little sister. so I know i'm rambling on but i'm in the process of forgiving I know I wasn't perfect and i don't expect him to be. I think things can work out for the better but my problem is that I don't know if i'm still in love with him can someone help figure out if I am? How do I know?
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female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (26 August 2009):
 Well to put it simply if you ever loved him then it would have never crossed your mind to even go back to another man's house, let alone make out with him. So you didnt love him enough back then to refrain from cheating, so do you feel more or less for him now? If you feel less for him then love definately isnt part of the equation. But if your feelings have grown stronger for him since your mistake then maybe you do love him and there is hope for you yet.
I think you need to have a proper talk with your boyfriend - what was he trying to achieve by texting this other girl? Does he have feelings for her? Would he leave you for her if she wanted him?
This relationship is not looking too good from where I am standing - there is very little trust between you both and you have no idea how you feel about him. You need to have a long hard think about this - what do you like about your boyfriend? What do you dislike? Can you imagine your life without him or is the relationship worth saving? Make a list if it helps - write down all the good and bad things about him and your relationship, and see what comes out on top. But you need to know how he is feeling too - he might have already given up on this relationship and is looking for a way out (i.e. this other girl).
I hope this helps and good luck!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2009): Um, talking and texting her about what though??! If he's saying to her "I like you and I'll ditch my girlfriend if you like me too" and then he's lying about this to you, then you should run as far and fast as you can, regardless of whether you're still in love with him or not. If he's just been talking to her, then you're overreacting big time. Give it a bit of time to work out if you still love him.
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