A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:met this girl a while back, had a great internet friendship going for a while, hung out with her and after one time she told me that she's seeing someone but does not want to miss the opportunity to get to know me.took her out a few times, and she admitted she was developing feelings for me but that she is involved with someone and feels that she's been selfish for wanting to hang out with me without considering me or the person she's with.i told her that from experience being friends in this kind of situation is hard to do and doesn't feel natural, so we shouldn't hang out anymore in the meantime but could remain friends online, but to note that i was just doing what i thought was the right thing, not what i want to do, which is steal her away. she agreed.so we sent some messages back and forth, i went on a trip and kept in touch with her. it's only been a few weeks but i decided to call her a few days ago and left a voicemail to tell her that i thought not hanging out might actually be a silly idea and to see if she would like to grab a bite with me this week.2 hours after leaving the voicemail i received a message online from her wishing me a happy birthday (my birthday had just passed). but no mention of the message/call. it's been 2 days since i called and i met this girl a while back, had a great internet friendship going for a while, hung out with her and after one time she told me that she's seeing someone but does not want to miss the opportunity to get to know me.took her out a few times, and she admitted she was developing feelings for me. but that she is involved with someone and feels that she's been selfish for wanting to hang out with me without considering me or the person she's with.i told her that from experience being friends in this kind of situation is hard to do and doesn't feel natural, so we shouldn't hang out anymore in the meantime but could remain friends online, but to note that i was just doing what i thought was the right thing, not what i want to do, which is steal her away. she agreed.so we sent some messages back and forth, i went on a trip and kept in touch with her. it's only been a few weeks but i decided to call her a few days ago and left a voicemail to tell her that i thought not hanging out might actually be a silly idea and to see if she would like to grab a bite with me this week.2 hours after leaving the voicemail i received a message online from her wishing me a happy birthday (my birthday had just passed). but no mention of the message/call. it's been 2 days since i called and met this girl a while back, had a great internet friendship going for a while, hung out with her and after one time she told me that she's seeing someone but does not want to miss the opportunity to get to know me.took her out a few times, and she admitted she was developing feelings for me. but that she is involved with someone and feels that she's been selfish for wanting to hang out with me without considering me or the person she's with.i told her that from experience being friends in this kind of situation is hard to do and doesn't feel natural, so we shouldn't hang out anymore in the meantime but could remain friends online, but to note that i was just doing what i thought was the right thing, not what i want to do, which is steal her away. she agreed.so we sent some messages back and forth, i went on a trip and kept in touch with her. it's only been a few weeks but i decided to call her a few days ago and left a voicemail to tell her that i thought not hanging out might actually be a silly idea and to see if she would like to grab a bite with me this week.2 hours after leaving the voicemail i received a message online from her wishing me a happy birthday (my birthday had just passed). but no mention of the message/call. it's been 2 days since i called and i just responded to her message without touching upon the voicemail i left her.i still want to find out how serious this "seeing someone" is and if i have a shot with her! i realize i should have just jumped at that when she mentioned it... what to do now? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, s0ph1ek1ely  +, writes (13 October 2009):
She clearly likes you very much as a person but not enough to carry on seeing you, even as a friend. by cutting it off is also a sign that she doesnt want to have feelings for you, even if she told you she was developing them.
saying happy birthday shows she still wants to talk, however, not let things go further. I think you should move on as its not a good idea to mess with a girl in a relationship! shes more interested and loyal to the boy she is seeing. if she liked you that much she would be with you and not him.
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