A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi allI'm looking to hear from people who either have had a personal experience with a narcissist or have some psychological experience and can give me their opinions.So I've spent the majority of my adult life with, from what I've read, is a narcissist. I've just been googling the word, not knowing anything about it, and it says that a narcissist is someone who is incredibly selfish and self-absorbed.What happened was, I had this man in my life that always had an excuse for not committing to me. The first few years we were together, we got on like a house on fire.. but over the years things started turning stale, because he put a STOP on the relationship moving any further. He stopped being affectionate with me, he always seemed like he had this internal turmoil going on. I thought it was over his career (he had a very high powered job).I've worked fulltime for my whole life, but last year, I left my job, as I only have myself to support.. and I studied for a career as a beauty therapist. I did exceptionally well and was the top of my class. While I was busy on my course, my boyfriend seemed to change, almost overnight. He complained I didn't spend enough time with him and didn't fit him into his life.. and he was lonely "with no one to talk to." I felt guilty all year. Because he'd been my 'rock' during those difficult times in my life, the last thing I wanted to do was hurt that one person who I felt truely and wholly cared about me. Now I've discovered that he had another girlfriend all year. It had been going on not long before I started the course, yet he lectured me all year on how I was too busy to spend time with him. I look back now, and it was almost as if he had the affair, or let it esculate because he felt out of control or something? Like I was gaining independence and wasn't doting on him 24/7 with love and affection so he got pippy and went elsewhere?! His attitude changed immediately when I stopped putting him first in my life, even though I explained that my course had to be my first priority over the year. Keep in mind though, if you're thinking that sounds ruthless, I left my job to do the course, and still SAW him most days.. plus I had been pushed to the background for many years while he studied fulltime while also working fulltime. So I had lived in his shadow for years and decided it was time to do something for myself. Best thing I ever did. Now that I'm away from him, I look back and realise the dynamics between he and his family are wierd too. His parents fuss over him and pamper him and do everything for him. He never offers to help with anything, just accepts them treating him like a kid and he's pushing mid 30's! He had a high powered job, but recently resigned as he was getting a hard time from his boss, who suddenly took a real disliking to him and his work styles.Over the years, I noticed he would buy books regularly, autobiographies from rich successful people, like Richard Branson and Donald Trump.. books all about how to lead the world and how to make your millions.Do you think his behaviour and general persona sounds like that of a narcissist? When I confronted him about the affair he'd been carrying on behind my back, he laid the blame back on me. "Things grew stale", "you WOULD have gone nuts if you found out about it.. so I wanted to keep it from you until I sorted it out before burdoning you".. all this kind of crap, implying I was some nut case. This failed relationship has made me feel like the life I lead was so foolish. It'll take me a long time to recover.Let me know what you think about what I've said (if any of you are still awake of course) :)Thanks you guys.
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female
reader, melissaw  +, writes (5 August 2010):
I was with a Narcissist for a year of my life. Of course, I didn't know it at the time but coming out of it I was so mentally/physically raped that I needed answers. I googled all the things that I was feeling that he had done to me and Narcissist came to light. I never heard of such a thing. CaringGuy has got it right. Narcissists are far more extreme. I was controlled from the beginning and never knew it. He preyed on my weakness (or rather hardships I was experiencing at the time we met) to control my feelings and my thoughts, my goals, my dreams. He controlled sex. He manipulated and scammed for money. To make a long story short. He sucked the life out of me, soul raped me. He felt the world owed him, every one was against him. He was a mastermind -charming on the surface, a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. Looking back, when I first got away I felt as though my life had been sucked right out of me. I had no life left in me, no hope, dreams, ambition. I had been emotionally raped, mentally raped, physically raped. Built up and torn down. He had no conscience to anything he did, no remorse, no feeling. To me, I spent a year with Devil.
A
female
reader, Foxy4397 +, writes (22 February 2010):
I was invloved with a narcissist for 6 months. The first thing you must know is that it is a personality disorder and that no drugs can treat this condition--they are often the victims of some kind of abuse at an early age. They are compulsive liars who are constantly in need of validating themselves. They do not experience deep feelings and are incapable of understanding someone else's feelings. To test this--the next time you have a disagreement--ask him "how do you think this makes me feel?"
He will have no answer because other people's feelings are foreign to them. Leave now and never look back--count yourself lucky that you got out. Narcissists are like vampires--they suck the life out of you and they will make you feel like you're the crazy one. You can't fix this person--and in most cases they cannot and will not change their ways. RUN!!!!
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (20 February 2010):
He sounds like a spoilt brat to me. Narcissists are far more extreme in their ways. They create a whole new persona for places like work. And he would have moved you in with him and then controlled you. His boss would never have fired him because his boss wouldn't have known. My father is one, and it's as if when he leaves the house he's a totally different person. What you have is a very selfish man who has no act whatsoever.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2010): ive read about this quite a lot and no i dont think so. Just selfish and manipulative. I suspect his parents have created a spoiled brat.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2010): No to be honest it doesn't, people with high powered jobs are often misconstrewed as being narcissists, but his behaviour doesn't sound extreme enough to actually be able to accuse him of the condition at alll
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