A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ok so recently I have been seeing this new guy and he is 5 years older then me. which I dont care about but we are doing long distance right now. Im totally happy and I know hes happy too. At the same time Im totally questioning everything..like why does he like me and I know I have some emotional stuff to get through since the last guy I dated I lost my virginity to and then he left me. Im afraid to get hurt again so I keep making him reinsure me that its not going to happen. I keep getting all "sensitive" on him like sharing my emotions. He doenst get mad he just tells me its ok and im over anylizing. I know hes deffintly right but I cant get over the fear and Im afriad if I keep doing what Im doing hes going to get annoyed. I need help emotionally..like advice to maybe understand it and get over the fear,,and I want to know what hes thinking or maybe thinking and his actions he may take towards me...if that makes sense..im totally confused but I love him so much..help?
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male
reader, mlperry90  +, writes (21 July 2010):
if he is a good guy which he sounds like he is he will take it semi slow knowing you (excuse my words) damaged. im one of the good guys ive talked to people who have emotional damage and i helped them through it. you may be overthinking it just like he said but even if you agree it wont stop you frm doing it. its a day by day process and this guy just by being there is helping alot. wish you the best.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2010): I think it is understandable that you have these fears, since you was hurt by your last partner. It must have been very painful for you, so no wonder you are worried incase it happens again.
I understand your worries. I am currently involved with someone, and I ask myself the same things. Why does he like me? What if he just walks away like my ex? What if... I think it is good that you are open with your boyfriend though, and tell him your worries. It is better to be honest about how you are feeling. When we try and bottle things up, they grow bigger and bigger, and can become a problem. So the fact that you try and explain how you feel is a positive thing in my opinion.
However, I understand what you mean, about worrying that he may start to get annoyed. We all have insecurities and fears which we need to share, but if you are finding this a constant thing, then it may start to get to him if he feels you are struggling to trust him. Do you think you could maybe try and focus on all the things which prove things are different this time? What does he do or say to show he cares? Keep reminding yourself of those things, they may help ease some of the fears.
You could also ask him how he feels about all of this, so you will know and won't have to keep worrying about it. He may be more understanding than you think. And remember, no matter what happened in your past, everytime we get involved with someone we take a risk with our hearts. We make ourselves vulnerable to being hurt by that person. Every person has that, it is a risk. But why let those fears hold you back from what could be a great relationship? He is taking a chance with you too. And from what you have said in your question, there is no reason I can see that he is anything like your ex.
I know these fears are not that easy to get rid of though. If only it were that simple! Over time though, you may start to trust him more, and these fears may fade. Especially as you get to know him more. But if you really do think that this is something which may hold you back, perhaps you could speak to someone about it, like a doctor? They might be able to find someone you could talk to about all of this, who will help you release the past and become more secure about the future.
We all have doubts, fears and insecurities...but try not to let them get in the way of your life. It isn't easy, but you can do it! Good luck. x
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