A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am so confused by this mans actions and hoping someone can shed some light on it.I was in a relationship with a man for 9 months, we mutually decided we could not be together long term but he was adamant he wanted to stay friends. I couldn't initially as I felt too much for him but he made me promise to get back in touch as soon as I was ready. This was about 3 months ago and during that time hes contacted me a few times to see how i am/told me he still loves me etc. a couple of weeks ago I decided I was ready and so text him. I had no response so a few days later I called him. Again no response. I've since messaged him on Facebook and had nothing back. Yet he's constantly writing things on Facebook that I know for a fact are aimed at me. He was so adamant he wanted to be friends but now he's acting as if I don't exist. We were so very close and just a month ago he got in touch saying he misses me and he wishes things could have turned out differently and he can't wait for the day that we can be friends again. Yet now this.. Why?
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (18 November 2012):
 He REALLY doesn't want to be friends with you. It just sounds good when you break up with someone.
Forget about him. Being friends with an ex is not really a good idea for most people - friends are friends and exes.. well they are exes no matter how "friendly" they can be.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (18 November 2012):
 In my opinion, he was testing to see if you would be a SE*UAL friend with him... and when you wavered sufficiently, he felt that it was time to cut short the charade and get on to his "next" prospective conquest.
YOU may count your blessings that it turned out like this...and NOT after you were carrying his baby and facing a life as a single Mother.... or a wife with a philandering "husband".....
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (18 November 2012):
 Because he did not really mean it, at least not literally. "Let's stay friends " is a catchphrase, in the order of "it's not you, it's me " , it's a civil platitude said to look good and to defuse resentment and bad feelings. It basically just means, don't give me a hard time, don't act all spurned and upset, don't badmouth me, and let me keep " in touch ", so that I can call you up occasionally when I am bored, to kill time, to get an ego boost, or perhaps even as a viable "in lack of better " in between relationship.
It just mean " don't count me among your enemies ", which is different from " count me among your good friends ", you know, that kind of friends who actually care to be kept updated about what goes on in your life, your thoughts and feelings, etc. Those you can schedule regular appointments, which are actually respected and not cancelled at the drop of a hat, to go see a movie or a play, or to have dinner together, etc. He did not mean that kind of friend.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (18 November 2012):
 Some men would go to great lengths to seek two things: One, avoiding committment. Two: getting your attention. Sometimes the two stop in the way of each other. However, he is not even trying much. In extreme cases there are men who would buy plane tickets for you to see him only to say he's still not ready for a relationship weeks later. If he thinks an email of missing you is going to get you to love him, he does not respect women and only low esteemed women would fall for cheap attention like this. Knowing that you think about him is enough motivation for him to get up in the morning. It does not mean he actually wants to see you.
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