A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am hurt. Very hurt. After breaking up with someone 2 months ago after 3 years and 3 months of an on/off relationship (with no one else for either of us in the off time - the off's did not last long with him wanting to make things right each time) we finally ended it for good. We have a 6 yr difference and I do know that he is young and wants to figure out his life for himself, as I got the chance to do that at his age (21). But it hurts all the same. But then today, something that I did not see coming, came.I found out that he responded to an ad for a cougar party being held this weekend. These woman are fat, ugly, just YUCK (I saw pics). And he responded to it. He wants to go and part-take in what I can only imagine is a sex party with these women. I feel so sick. The last time we spoke was one month ago and I asked if he had an interest in other women and was it me, and he said "no, it's nothing sexual, I just want some time to figure out what path in life i'm taking". I understood and despite the hurt, felt that perhaps it could work later on. Now I feel so sick and sad as I feel I would never ever look past this and that we will never be again - the fact that he wants to do this, that he would prefer this than our relationship. I feel so sick and so sad and so alone. I have never felt this way before. It's like I mean nothing. This is not like him at all and in a way I feel sorry for him. What is he doing this for? Desperate? The loneliness or something... I don't know. How do I get past this and come out on the other end? Do I email him or call him to see if he is ok, as I feel he has gone off the rails! Why is he doing this? Fine, go get drunk and go home with someone, but THIS? I feel sick :(
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (23 June 2011):
 Are you sure that this cougar party is going to be such a den of iniquity ?... Chances are that it's simply a rather lame social mixer at some fancy-ish bar for women over 40 and men 21 to 35. Still a pick up occasion ,but far from an orgy.
You should not be surprised in the interest of your ex for older women, after all when you met he was 18 and you 24, and ,at that particular age,6 years is a lot older and age is not just a number, there's a big,big difference in stages of life, mentality and objectives.
You both have been very good at staying together for over 3 years regardless , but I guess at some point ... parting ways it was sort of inevitable.
Your ex is not lonely, desperate or gone crazy. Probably he is just exploring , being adventurous, trying to have some fun and to sow some wild oats- all in all, catching up with all the things he should have done when it was the right time for that- but he was in a relationship then. He has not gone off the rails, he is fine, he is living his life and , as hard as it is for you to accept that, it's a life that he does not need to justify to you, because he is your EX. Do not interfere, and do not breath on his neck. You may feel that in future you may be together again,-never say never- but right now ,he is doing his thing, and you should do yours.
A
female
reader, RedAthena  +, writes (23 June 2011):
 He is your ex. He is not your problem anymore.You had a dysfunctional relationship with a dysfunctional person who is still doing dysfunctional things.Go make YOUR life function and stay out of his mess of a life.Best Wishes.
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