A
female
age
36-40,
*ez7
writes:hello,Me and my boyfriend have been together for just over two years. Recently he asked me to leave because he needed time to think about what he wanted. He has asked me to leave and come back various times in the past aswell. But this time i came back to my family home and he is staying in his flat.We stay in touch but its hard to visit as we live about 3 hours away and neither of us drive.Now the main issue is this indecisiveness has happened too much, and has been upsetting. Plus i had to pay for everything to be moved and leave my job etc because i could not have supported myself alone. I'm ok with this, however he is now asking me back and saying he has sorted himself out. But i have said im not moving back there in case it happens again, but he is welcome to move here with me into a flat i find.I guess my question is, is what ive said the right thing?I love him very much and am happy to be with him, but i dont want history to repeat itself, and feel better if he comes to me instead. I know he may not and i understand that.Thanks Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Tez7 +, writes (26 July 2012):
Tez7 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks so much to all who replied, what you have said has made a lot of sense, and now i can use your advice properly.
thank you
A
female
reader, BondGirl72  +, writes (26 July 2012):
 You have done the right thing except I would not be so quick to invite him into your home. He has proved with his hot/cold and indecisive nature that he can't be trusted. Being together does not have to mean living together. He could still move to your area, you could still date, and see where things go. But from my experience, most men do not change.
You need to take care of yourself and make a life for YOU.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (25 July 2012):
 If you can't deal with a yo-yo relationship, maybe it's time to call quits. Obviously, he won't stop this behavior, since he gets what he wants.. for you to go away when asked and return when asked.
You have to ask yourself WHAT am I getting out of this relational? And is this what I really want? Is this something I want to do long term?
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (25 July 2012):
 Yes I think you have done the right thing, he keeps doing this to you, obviously there is something about the relationship that is making him uneasy when he always need time to sort himself out. Maybe he is afraid of commitment, I guess that's for both of you to talk through.
But you have now moved your life back home and have settled in, he needs to know that he cannot just click his fingers and you will come running or else he will always keep doing this. So now you are standing your own ground, you are giving him another chance but on your terms. Good for you. Remain strong, at the end of the day if he really cannot be without you then he will make the move, do not let him talk you around or else he will think you are a push over and continue to treat you this way. Good luck and I hope it all works out for you.
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A
male
reader, Ted-ster +, writes (25 July 2012):
Did you say the right thing? Partially yes. You are correct to say that you will not move back in with him. You are not correct to ask him to move back to your new flat. You need to find another BF. Move on. You need to make investments in people who are better for you. That doesn't mean you can't be civil. It means, however, that you need to move on, have new adventures. Don't be friends with your ex. Don't be lovers with your ex. He's just horney right now. Find another guy who will love you and treat you right. Good luck.
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