A
male
age
36-40,
*ndy00
writes:Hi, only me again.Just wanted to repost my recent update as a question, because there has been some development with my situation:(Also, quickly for those of you who don't know me: I was in a long distance relationship of 240 miles for 2 years. We would meet up every college break, which is roughly every 7 weeks or so. The two of us met up on 13 different occasions, which included us spending about a week or 2 together at a time. She broke up with me just over a month ago now, due to the fact that she is going to University in September and believes that will we have even less time to meet up. She also said she has found putting up with the distance difficult recently, and thinks it's best that we part. While I respect her decision, I feel like what we had was too good to just let finish, especially now that summer has arrived, and we could spend the rest of it together.)Anyway, here's the development: She text me last night, out of the blue after a week of us not being in contact at all.She was just asking how I was doing and asking if I have been affected by the floods. She was also telling me that she was in bed all day with a migraine. I replied telling her I'm doing ok, not been affected by the floods and also said "It's wierd not being in contact, in't it?" And lastly, implying that she got the migraine from drinking. She replied, sounding pretty upbeat, but there was no comment on the quote above. She explained that she started to feel ill the day before, while at a shopping center. Then she said that she was going to sleep, and that I was to sleep well. The final text of the night was by me, telling her to sleep well, and I'll get in touch with her soon.So, the end of the story gives the feel that I now have control. I told her I would be in touch, and now I get to decide when that'll be. What does everyone think?I'm not sure what to do. I would like to contact her in less than a week. If I leave it till Monday or something that could be good. Or Sunday night I could always suggest that we talk in the week, or something. I really want to ask her how things have been without me, and if she'll maybe even reconsider her decision. I don't know if that is a good idea, but what I do know is that it's not too late for us to have a great summer together.I will now quickly say, my hopes are not up, but I would like to believe I will feel better knowing that I tried one last time.I know these are decisions I must make, but if you could give me your perspectives of it, I would be greatful!! Thanks to everyone.
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broke up, long distance, text, university Reply to this Question
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female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (29 July 2007):
 Oh Andy, my poor friend.
A
female
reader, Oblivia  +, writes (27 July 2007):
 I'm so sorry to hear what happened, that you must feel so much pain again. I feel so much for you, what you are going through. Don't worry about having set-backs, there will be hard times. And this was a tough one for you; her describing her dress and all. It feels more like you being trapped there than her. Like you said, you must take back some control over the situation, but I'm afraid you will not be able to find the control and power you need through contacting her; you must find it by distancing yourself. Do fun and interesting things, like eyeswideopen suggests, so that not only she notice that you can have an interesting life without her, but so that also YOU notice that you can. Give yourself some space as well as her. You say you planned a trip to go and see her; maybe you can use that time off to go somewhere else? Do you have some friends in another town or maybe abroad that you can visit during this time that you had first planned to be with her?
I had planned to spend the summer with my ex who called it off two months before the trip was supposed to be. I rearranged plans for the vacation and went to see a friend abroad. Every day I fantasized about how much nicer it would have been with him around but it was still a lot better than having fantasies about being around him when sitting at home. And I did send him a short, casual postcard ;-). Is there some place nice from where you can post her the birthday card...?
Take care!
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A
male
reader, JustaGuy +, writes (27 July 2007):
Hey,
Doh! No need to apologise, when it comes to love and relationships I've found that its sometimes hard to think straight half the time, you do things you know are a bad idea in the back of your head - but you do them anyway! Thats the effect girls (and guys) have I guess.
You didnt say whether she messaged you first or the other way round. Was she just being polite in replying?
I guess i would say the same as before, keep the contact light and give her some space (I hate that phrase). She now knows that you are thinking of her and that you want to see her, but she made it clear by the sounds of it that she wanted to be alone for the time being. If space or whatever is really really what she wants then you should give it too her. You dont want to turn into that clingy guy, you need to remain happy and cheerful, at least when you speak to her, remind her what she's missing out on kinda thing.
I know what you mean by the powerless thing, I'm waiting (hoping) that my ex will get in touch with me, feels like I should be making more of a pro-active effort or somthing. I think the phrase 'I need space' should be banned from this earth!
good luck.
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A
male
reader, Andy00 +, writes (27 July 2007):
Andy00 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Hi everyone.Just wanted to update you all to say, I think I've let you all, and myself down.Tonight she came online via MSN which took me by surprise. We had a nice chat to start with, but then some things started to get me a little emtional: She was telling me that she's started to order an outfit she'll be wearing for her 18th birthday party next month. She was describing it, and I could do nothing but picture her wearing it, and thinking; I'm not going to get to see her.This ran around in my head like an olympic athelete. And soon, I just kept thinking; You've got to do something! I guess I wasn't thinking about the consequences but I went ahead and asked her if I could go and see her in a week or so (as originally planned before the split) She said no, and that she was sorry. But she didn't stop there, she started asking "Why do you do this?? We have a nice convo and then.. suddenly.. you guilt trip me" From there I reassured her that I wasn't intentionally guilt tripping her, I just wanted to ask one more time, I'm sorry, and it was stupid.After saying it, I immediately regretted it. I felt like I lost the control I had, or atleast some of it anyway. I'm still going to hold off before contacting her of course, but now it seems like I have even less.. power, so to speak, and I didn't have much of that anyway.Despite all this, I'm looking ahead as I was before all of this: The chances of us getting back together anytime soon are microscopic. I will continue to contact her every once in a while, and hopefully she will do the same. From there I'm not sure. If nothing else, tonight I found out that I will definately not be with her this summer, as predicted.If you could tell me how things are looking from your point of view, I would be grateful, but I'm very ashamed that I asked for your advice, and didn't follow it. I put it down to emotion and surprise, but that is no excuse.I'm so sorry everyone.
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A
male
reader, JustaGuy +, writes (26 July 2007):
Heya me again.Well if it was me in that situation (wish it was :P) I would contact her maybe monday (no drunkard ringing over the weekend confessing your eternal love!) and just have a casual chat, you know, how are you? what you get up to over the weekend?. I know I would be tempted to immediately bring up the relationship and ask her to reconsider - but that might put her on the spot and scare her off. Perhaps over the week maintain light contact and maybe and if you feel her responding warmly bring up the relationship.I think the fact she made contact is good, she's still thinking about you. Those feelings she has for you wont die overnight.take care man.
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A
male
reader, Peterk5699 +, writes (26 July 2007):
 I was in a similar position as you a while ago. You should continue to text but don't leap straight into it cos she'll think you're desperate. You couuld try catching up on the good times and finally ask the big question of "Restarting" the relationship.
Good luck!!
Pete
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (26 July 2007):
If you decide to contact her on Monday I certainly hope that you don't suggest to her that she reconsiders the breakup. What would be cool is that you do something really, really fun and interesting this weekend and when you talk to her you tell her all about it and how much fun you had, just so she knows that you are doing things and having fun without her. She shouldn't know that you are sitting around broken-hearted. How's that plan, Buddy?
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