A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Pls help!.........?i used to be a charming girl. by charming i mean i used to use words like darling, baby, cutie etc very casually in my conversation with my male friends and female frends. one day i starting seeing this man and soon he asked me to stop using such words when talking with male friends. he said he felt insecured and something like that. after lot of emational torture by him for months i gave up using such words totally. after many years during a fight with my bf he asked me "what the hell you have done for me till today". after lot of cold war i said i changed the way i talk with people for your sake. he immedialty replied- " thats the way girls should be. you dint do any favour for me doing that! ". i dint know what to react to this. its been long but still i get really emotional when i recall this incident
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female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (26 July 2007):
 I hope when he asks you the "what the hell you've done for me today?" question, you ask it right back.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2007): think you are upset over this, because it sounds like he caused great emotional hurt in you by unecessarily "nagging" you for some time,back then. I do think it's okay to give something up that will 'help' one's love relationship flourish and become strong. Calling friends 'special' names was something you would've likely gave up anyways...over time as the relationship progressed. Most people do that. When we fall in love with someone, we quickly realize that making little positive changes, in order to make our dating partners feel secure, safe and trustworthy of us. He may have asked you to 'give this up' calmly at first. This is how we deal with issues that come up in relationships..we respect the other person by being loving and kind. Plainly, he got more aggressive as time progressed. He didn't approach this issue the right way, because you are deeply pained by 'how' he did this. perhaps his behaviors bordered on 'meaness'? While, I think it was the right thing that you did, giving up the intimate names for your guy friends...it appears your bf did the wrong thing by tormenting you over it. Sometimes when we feel 'forced or told' to make changes, for the betterment of the relationship, we feel put upon and deeply resentful. And that feeling can simmer inside...eating away at us for a long time. I think it's time to tell your bf how 'what he did and how how he handled this issue, did deeply hurt you, back then. Usually when women can't let go of painlike this, it's usually is because she feels she was verbally abused in some way. It makes a women feel like nothing and he has to own up to that. He should apologize and tell you--that in the future all issues that come up will be handled with love and respect, not anger and toxicity. If he has made a habit of doing this with other issues, you need to re-evaluate if this is what you want for the long term. If this was a one time thing that happened back then, you need to tell him how his behaviors made you feel and are still affecting you, in the present. Hopefully, discussing the 'way' he did this will make psoitive changes for the future benefit of your relationship. Be strong, dear and take care.
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