A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:This is not really a question, exactly... just that I've been having really bad luck with men for the last year. A few one night stands, loads of dates, but somehow from the guy who already had a girlfriend to the commitment phobe and the one who was perfectly nice but I just didn't have much in common with--none of them worked out. I'm starting to lose my faith in men and in ever managing to have a fulfilling relationship. I decided to move abroad about a year ago and I love it. But everyone thinks I should move back home, that it would be easier to meet guys or that I should move back and settle down with my old boyfriend. It would be easier, I guess, but I just don't want to. But still, it's hard to believe I'll ever meet someone and that things will work out. My confidence is getting lower and lower and I've started to feel, if not unnattractive exactly, like I'm invisible.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks very much guys. You've made me feel loads better. Great to hear other people have been single for a long time as well and that it doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you or that you'll be lonely for the rest of your life. The advice about the grass not always being greener was really useful as well. I've decided to stop having one night stands with people I don't really fancy and it's helping. I've realised that it's actually not the end of the world if I don't meet someone and doesn't make me any less of a person.
Thanks again for taking the time to write, it really helped.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2011): Hi there. Firstly I can identify, i've had a series of bad relationships too, and i am considerably older than you. I hear what you are saying and what i would like to say to you is this - try not to become victimized by your experience. i know you feel bad but i am a believer that whatever happens to you in your life it is still really important to stay positive. You could try some books on spirituality, any books on Buddhist philosophy are particularly good as they can focus on our attitudes and cultivating an attitude of love. Meditation is really, really good too. You could find a class or teach yourself?Lastly i would like to point out that the majority of people are in or have been in your situation; many people never get to meet Mr/Mrs Right and even those who appear to be in happy marriages, well, those relationships have unseen difficulties, thats for sure. The grass is not always greener, you know?Let go of meeting someone, if you go out there desperate to meet someone you will attract the wrong kind. I've seen those men/ women in pubs and nightclubs, and they reek of desperation. That is only going to attract other desperate people or people who will use them. Accept that you are single, it's okay and it does not mean that there is anything wrong with you. when you let go and become okay with this you will probably meet someone. I was single for two years after 3 bad relationships and a few one night stands (all bad) after that. Then i met someone and he is the best partner i have ever had. We have our difficulties for sure and i'm not sure if we will last but the point is that when i gave up on the idea of meeting anyone, i met him. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, skoolof life  +, writes (8 May 2011):
 Your still very young, you also sound like its your main mission - to find a man - your in a new country and have only been there a year - lucky you to have been able to make the move and have a fresh start, it must be amazingBut why did you leave the old place ? Was it purely to find a boyfriend?!The fact your single seems to bother you, but it shouldn't, have a look at you, ask male friends or relatives to give you an honest opinion about you - and your personaA desperate woman is not attractive, a carefree happy and busy one is..we ALL kiss a lot of frogs then one day in your new busy life, when you least expect it - wham, he's there in front of you
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