A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:This situation is tearing me up inside, and I am probably going to be judged for my words but I don't have anyone here I can talk to about it! What do you do when you have been in unrequited love a series of times, finally find someone, fall for that person... but there are problems: He has a girlfriend, but you can't move on because you KNOW that no one else is gonna mean as much to you as this person. I'm from Ireland originally, but right now I'm in Mexico City, where I'm studying music and teaching music and English. I love my country and miss Ireland a lot, but Mexican guys have my heart and I always dreamed that one would fall for me. But ever single one I've loved has always gotten snatched up by some Mexican girl! Well, the last time my heart was broken and I almost died of a broken heart... but now I've fallen for a Mexican guy and he's snatched up by some Mexican girl! I'm not racist but I get sick of being the wounded heart, and this time I KNOW that I won't feel this way about anyone else. It's killing me inside and my heart won't stop breaking. No one else will ever mean as much, and if someone ever did, some little Mexican girl would come along and snatch him up, all over again. I'm not racist and mean no offense to anyone but it makes me angry to see them snatching up all the desirable guys. And they won't give a girl like me, from Ireland, a chance. Frankly I'm at the point where I'm starting to hate women as a group. My heart just can't take any more pain and it's full of rage and anger at the women who snatch up all these guys. I LONG to share my life but I don't want to be with someone I don't love. I can't bear the thought of spending my life with someone I don't love when there is someone I do care for, somewhere out there. It's torture! It makes me crazy when well-meaning people tell me that I'll find someone else. Even though I'm from Ireland (hence the country flag) I live in Mexico City right now. I love my country and Ireland is amazing, but I'm not attracted to Irish guys, even though some are great. I have always had my heart set on a Mexican guy. I went to college in Puerto Vallarta (Mexico) and Mexican guys have always held my heart. No offense to white guys but I'm not attracted to them. Furthermore, this guy is not only a friend of mine but I also work with him. If he knew how I felt, he'd probably hate me, not only for my feelings but for hiding them. If I told him how I felt, he'd probably hate me too. I have constant contact with the girlfriend and I'm constantly seeing her get joy from him and it makes me want to break her face! I feel that it should be me. This person is like the guy version of me, except that he doesn't have ginger hair or freckles. All my life I've searched for someone with these qualities, who understands me. I sing and play the guitar and always dreamed of someone who understood my love for music. He plays the piano and the cello and loves classical music and before he got the girlfriend he used to play the piano to accompany my guitar. Once she came into his life then he abandoned his music, she is his whole world. I've always wanted someone who can dance (he's really good, I'm horrible but he has taught me some things) and talk to me in Spanish. I love horses, grew up with them and always dreamed of a guy who was into riding too. Even though he lives in Mexico City now, he grew up in the country and is an accomplished equestrian... he's even better than me. All the guys who have been interested in me are white guys who just wanna watch American football, don't care about my music and are afraid of horses! But this guy is absolutely headless... I would be a great girlfriend and he won't give me a chance and I feel like my being Irish and ginger is a factor... it's not fair. I'm going crazy because I've never had a loving relationship, because no one has EVER returned my feelings. I've never experienced sex with a man and I'm dying to know what it feels like to be held and experience physical love from someone you love. I'm 30 years old and so sick of my virginity and want to lose it but I can't bear the thought of throwing it away on someone I don't care for, or someone who doesn't care for me, after all these years. I'm at the point where it's starting to affect me and I KNOW that time is running out.I am overcome with rage at this whore for snatching him up. I look at her getting joy from him and I feel overcome with rage and the desire to break her face... at her selfishness for snatching him up. It makes me crazy that someone that means so much to me is snatched up by someone else. I'll probably get harsh words here on this site. But, he has actually spoken some hard words to me in the past, that really hurt me and I reached out to him offering my friendship and I care about him more than I can admit. Then he says loving romantic words to another girl, right under my nose. While she's getting love from him, I've cried so many times for him and nobody has any idea that I have, except for my cat, who can't talk (thank God!). And the God who doesn't answer my prayers. This sounds like I'm feeling sorry for myself, but this problem is tearing me up inside! I have all this love in my heart and I long to share my life with someone who returns my feelings. It makes me crazy to see some wonderful guy get snatched up from some whore. It makes me sick that the world is such a cold place and other women are so selfish.I feel torn with guilt because I KNOW I have things to be grateful for and it might not always be this way... one day these blessings will be gone and I realize that I'll look back and wish with my whole heart that I'd cherished those things. I keep thinking about how much I love my mother and father, and how much I love my dog, and a few close friends. I love them enough to give my life for them... and some people never own a pet or meet their parents. I think of those people and self-flagellate in my mind for being so selfish. I just want to get over wanting to have a mate and share my life and just be grateful for what I have. But then I look at him being loving and romantic with her and my rage tortures me and I fantasize about breaking her face with a metal bat. I've gone crazy, is that a BAD thing? I haven't ACTUALLY broken anyone's face but I keep having fantasies about doing just that.All my friends in Mexico City are close to the situation, so I can't tell them. My parents are still in Ireland and I don't want them to know about my suffering because they can't leave Ireland now and it would just torture them. I don't have any brothers or sisters, either. I've written a series of songs about him and only my guitar knows about the tears I've cried. No one knows how much this is tearing me up inside. I keep longing to know the joy of loving someone who returns my feelings. I can't make you love me... like the song says. But I refuse to settle for some guy that I don't love with my whole heart.Is there any hope that this guy will ever see that I'd make a wonderful girlfriend? Or do I just need to accept that my destiny is to be some old lady with cats... and just be grateful for the cats? My heart won't stop breaking, and I feel helpless. Thanks if you have any words of advice. I'd love to just deal with the fact that I'm not meant to have a guy and long to tell him how I'm feeling but he'd probably hate me and I worry about my job. I want to go back to Ireland but won't because I promised to stay in Mexico City for a contract and I don't believe in breaking promises unless you can't help it.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2011): I get where you're coming from... However, you'll later realise this ain't a healthy way of looking at your situation. I'll explain...
I came back from Europe three years ago with a broken heart, after a 2 year relationship with the most lovely italian girl, the woman of my dreams... and yes, the break up crisis (or in your case not feeling regarded by a person you care for) is devastating. I'm now back in Mx city, it took me a while to insert myself back in mexican life, as it is very different from the UK (where I used to live and met her).
At first when these events are recent one feels there's nothing that can put you back on your feet... but eventually you'll heal and belive back again in the potential for happiness, specially if you understand that happiness materializes as "moments" and it's never a state to be reached, but a decision from within, in which you decide to be happy with what you have in whatever way you have it...
I'm still finding myself thinking of her, but now I smile at what we had and enjoy the memories, we have becomed friends and we cherish our friendship... please Believe me when I say that your soul will find it's path, and what doesn't happen was not meant to be, simply because there's something else waiting for you, destiny? Fate? I belive there is such thing but also you widely control it's direction not only with your actions but mainly with your attitude towards life.
Eliminate the jealousy you've for the girl that's dating your dream guy, instead wish them well... If you truly care for him, don't you wish him to be happy?
This is just my opinion...
Btw I only replied because I'm a musician as well, so I found it curious how close to my experience was your situation. As someone that creates, you'll find these period of intense feelings quite productive... I know from experience, the best material I've ever wrote came during these three years in which I thought I was lost. It turned out I wasn't, I was just re-drawing the map... there's a difference.
H.
A
female
reader, danii_rockz  +, writes (9 May 2011):
First of all, this girl or "whore" as you so rudely described her was there before you were and this is not her problem.
Instead of hating women as a whole I think you need to learn how to control your emotions and put things into perspective.
One of the best pieces of advice I've been given is that just because you feel doesn't mean it is. Meaning whatever is going on in ur little world inside your head it doesn't mean that is what's really going on!
We all want to find love and a good man who loves us and who we love. You're not alone in this situation. Thousands of women feel like this. But it does no good for you or anyone to take it out on women who I perceive you are just gettin uncontrollably jealous off.
Imagine if you were this girl, really happy in love and them some jealous girl comes along and wants to ruin it all for you!
Please don't start hating women. We are not all intent on snatching other peoples boyfriends or causing misery to other women.
You are upsetting yourself. I think maybe you should try to find some extra activities to do to meet other people and get over this guy. While he's still in this relationship you have no chance and what good is it to sit around and wait?
Also, love doesn't care about culture, race, sex or religion. I wouldn't not date a guy because he wasn't my usual type...you never know who you're heart will fall for :) Please look after your heart, don't blame the women and get out there and enjoy the wonderful country you have been blessed to reside in. Good luck!
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