A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am at a state of confusion . I am 23 weeks pregnant on bedrest . The baby's father broke up with me a month ago and I hear from him rarely until recently . I was sent to the the hospital for possible term labor ( false alarm) mutal friends left him a message where I was . he called me later after I got home , ( he works nights and was asleep) He was shocked I seemed hostile and unfriendly towards him. when I explained I was pretty close to hating him his attitude changed I also said his behavior disgusted me. He once again seemed shocked.At this poit he request to be allowed to take to my doctors appointment the next day. ( I am unable to drive since I am on bedrest) after much talking , I agreed.He arrived promptly , the drive is about 20 mins durning the drive I made ideal chit chat about the weather. He suddenly reached over placed his hand on my belly and said " Thats our son growing in there" I was pretty taken back and replied "yes" At the dr's office he kept talking nonstop about work and asking if I was ok , Out of the blue asked if was getting my tubes tied , I told him this was none of his concern . Durning the visit with the dr she told him to take me out on an outing and to a nice lunch since she wanted me to eat . ( ive lost 20 pounds in the past month) He did just that took to the store and spent 100.00 on craft stuff to occupy me while on bedrest, while in the store he kept putting his hand on the small of my back tried several times to put his arm around me . Told me several time pregnancy was beautiful on me . .When he brought me home came in for a while and talked played with my pets. he asked for a hug when he left. He kept hugging me long after I had stopped and he kissed me on the lips and blew me a kiss when he left. He has sent breif texts everyday since then asking about me or the baby .all this is after almost a month of no contact. I dont what to make of it .Is this because of the baby , does he want to see if I am receptive to wanting him back or is it all guilt.He is 35 and this is his first child . We were together almost 4 years.I want my child to have a family . I am just unsure what his intentions are . Please help
View related questions:
broke up, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI guess I am unsure how to talk to him . I want to think he is going to step and be the great dad I know he can be . I do still care for him . I am older by a few years . But he has never seen me as mother to him nor hv I ever babied or mothered him. I do know he wanted children at one point and he gave up that dream to be with me . I had not wanted anymore kids mine are grown . I was also told my birth control was almost 100% . So when I found out It was pregnant it was a shock to us both .I will sit with him and talk about this . Our baby deserves two parents even if we are not under the same roof. It would be preferable if we are.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2011): I think his intentions are good, and this isn't a child support issue, especially because you make far more money than him. People get scared when faced with big life events and responsibility. Having a baby will completely alter the two parents-to-be paradigms. It was unplanned so he probably got cold feet and it took a bad event, you falsely going into early labour, to make him realise how much he cared. I think he knows he's messed up and is trying to fix things. People deserve second chances. Obviously do not put up with his abandonment becoming a recurring issue.The best thing to do is to talk to him, rather than ask strangers (some of whom may be man-haters). Ask him why he left you in such a vulnerable state, ask him what role he plans to play in your life in the future. Get your peace of mind. Communication is key in any relationship. I hope you two work things out and your child does get the family it deserves. Best of luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2011): You may have been together for years but this guy doesn't seem in love with you. My guess is he will make all the right noises when you put your foot down but then go back to being his uninvolved self. I don't know if it's so he doesn't look like a big jerk or if he's scared you will hold him to child support if he stays away.
Are you older than him? You said you also make 4x his salary so he may see you as more of a maternal figure than someone who he is in love with. You can do better and I doubt he'll stick around consistently. I can't see how you'd be happy having to command him to be responsible and I can't see how he'd be happy and not resentful of that either.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2011): This pregnancy was a huge surprise. I was very careful with my birth control @ mamabear , I hv a good job and can support my child. I do plan to keep my child . In fact I make 4 times what the father makes.
...............................
A
female
reader, MamaBear +, writes (14 April 2011):
Oh my, after 4 years I wish you had realized somewhere along the way that this man doesn't really sound like family material nor the father type. And, what were you thinking getting pregnant when the relationship wasn't good? Did he break up with you when he learned of your pregnancy? I think you need to seriously consider having your baby, deciding if you want to keep the child, and then legally getting child support from the baby's dad. He may be attentive now - tossing a few crumbs your way - but from what you said, I just do not trust the guy. Right now, your main concern is your own health. You also need to be healthy during the time you carry the child, when delivering the child, and afterwards when you raise the child for the next twenty years. Who will support this child? It takes a lot of money for a child, and you will need to work. You never mentioned if you work or not. You owe your unborn child more than your wishing how things would/could be.
...............................
A
male
reader, macdubh712 +, writes (14 April 2011):
Well Dear, I think perhaps he got a little scared about the baby. You said he is 35 and this is his first child, right? If the baby wasn't planned then I think he just go scared and freaked out. I would take it slow with him but if you give it a little more time and he is still acting this way or he voices to you that he wants a second chance I think you should give it to him. It sounds like he loves you and, I'm sure you love him. I feel like you two will be just fine. Good luck with your pregnancy and enjoy!
...............................
|
