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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: Just wondering what people's idea's are on an acceptable 'moving on' time period after a long term relationship ends. I broke up with my boyfriend of 4 years 6 weeks ago as I fell out of love with him and now I'm in another relationship already which is getting quite serious. I worry about what people will think, especially as most of my friends/people I know are good friends with my ex too! But I really like my new boyfriend and want to fully let him into my life, introduce him to friends etc but part of me is holding back due to people's perceptions. Is 6 weeks normal? Or is there no such thing as a 'normal' moving on time. I know I care too much what people think but I can't help it!
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female
reader, heatherrrrrrr  +, writes (31 July 2008):
 If you are happy, your friends shouldn't need any explanation. My current boyfriend separated from his wife only a couple of months before we met, and we kept our relationship on the downlow for a long time before deciding to make it "official." Now everyone knows and I don't think they ever really cared anyway.
A
male
reader, Shipwreckd +, writes (30 July 2008):
 It depends on the person, but I've heard it's normally 4-6 months of recovery for every year of the relationship.
...that's just what I heard though.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2008): I think it depends on the person. I have known people who have never been single because they literally jump from one relationship to another without taking a break in between. Its not that uncommon really. In fact, oftentimes they even set up their next relationship before they're even through with the first one. For me personally, I've usually been single for a year or two or more before getting serious again. Of course I've dated the whole time in between but nothing too serious. That's just me. I actually like being single.
But I agree with you and see where you are coming from in terms of feeling inappropriate about moving on so quickly especially since you both have friends in common. Of course people will have their opinions about it, especially if he's still grieving the break up, they might think you are insensitive, especially if you're very loud about it. I mean, if he had been the one to break up with you, and six weeks later you were up and about with your new super cool guy, then you would be everybody's hero. But since you were the one who broke up with him, then I guess out of respect you got to keep it a little more low key, so as not to appear like you're completely heartless.
An "acceptable" moving on period is different for everybody. In general, I'd say that out of respect, you can go ahead with your new relationship, just don't be too loud and boastful about it for the first 3 months.
As for friends are concerned, if they were YOUR true friends, they wouldn't care either way. They'd side with you and would be happy for you no matter what. So obviously if they're not that close as to side with you, I personally wouldn't care too much about their opinions. But if these people are so concerned about his well being, and it matters to you, then you may not be able to be completely open with them about your new relationship. Just tell your closest friends about it, for now.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2008): When I broke up with my boyf after 8 years it took me nearly a year before I was interested in meeting any one new... I wasn't looking to meet anyone when I met my new guy but I've never been happier and its 2 1/2 years later we're stilly happy and togetherEveryone is different on how long it takes them to move on with their life. If you feel happy and comfortable with this new guy - I say go for it!!
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A
female
reader, lexilou  +, writes (29 July 2008):
 If he feels like the one then dont make excuses, you werent looking for love and thats when it often strikes. However there is the danger that you are one of these people who doesnt like to be alone and have met him on the rebound. Only time will tell but dont let anyone else make decisions for you, its your life x
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A
female
reader, aphexinfinite +, writes (29 July 2008):
 some people jump from relationships delve themselves than give them time to heal my friend she doesnt have much time in between but thats how things happen some people move on easier or hide their feelings by pushing themselves into something new.. i myself ive had a year between relationships rediscover my self after what i have learnt from my relationships and recovering from the heartache it caused and thats just how its happened im not one for jumping into another relationship because i am maybe to wary.. their is no right and wrong. some people may think otherwise..my normal advice would be give yourself time in between relationships dont be to hasty let you heart and my heal. but if you think you have gotten over your ex and it wont bother things in the future then go for it see where this new road takes you.. best wishes aphexy xx
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