A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:i have been going out with my g/f for 7 months now. I love her to bits and am thinking of proposing to her. We communicate really well and one day she told me how many one night stands shes had and how many partners she's had. I even know some of them, and they didn't deserve her. I have heard rumors that she cheated on me, but its a case of this guy sayin she did but nobody else saw it, if you know what i mean. she said she didnt, So i believe she didn't. But now i cant help but think, she's had all these one night stands, did she really cheat on me? its driving me nuts because i love her to bits. I dont want to keep asking her because she gets upset
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cheated on me, one night stand Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2008):
We need to know more about this guy who has said she cheated on you. I mean people don't usually make that kind of stuff up, neither do they usually go around telling people even if it is true.
I would say there is no smoke without fire, but it might not be as it seems. That said, there must be something going on with this guy for him to have said this about her.
I think the greater issue is your insecurity towards her past. Maybe you should hold off thoughts of proposing to her for a while, as I don't think you have as strong relationship as you think you do and this is something you need to tackle before you can look forward to a long and healthy relationship.
You need to be honest with yourself and not make this all about her; because I think a big element is your trust and insecurity issues and if so, you need to deal with them independently of her, rather than bringing up the past and upsetting your girlfriend. If you keep doing it, she'll eventually grow to resent you and there will be no going back from that.
A
female
reader, lexilou +, writes (29 July 2008):
 I had one sexual partner before my first hubbie, we were then together 17 years and I cheated on him when I couldnt take the physical abuse anymore.
I then had my first one night stand after leaving hubbie at the age of 32 and went on to have several more before I met my new hubbie. I have never cheated on him or even wanted to despite these one night stands.
So first of all having one night stands doesnt mean you are likely to cheat and secondly what happened in her past is in the past so move on and dont give it a second thought. If you believe and trust her then you will have a good relationship x
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A
female
reader, bemused  +, writes (29 July 2008):
 Hi there.
Bit of a double standard at play here I think. If your girlfriend had some one night stands before she met you, that is her business and you should not judge her on it. How did the conversation come up with your 'buddy' that she had cheated with him. It sounds to me like a bit of smear campaign. I can understand why this news would be really unnerving and now you must make a call on who you trust...your buddy or your girlfriend. Did you split at any time in the duration of your relationship which is when this could have happend. This is the thing you need to come to terms with. Perhaps you fear that if it did happen and she was not honest about it...that is really serious. I am assuming you have been true blue to her. If your communication is rock solid I would continue to talk to her about this and get a sense of the vibes when she anwers you. If people are above board, I think you can feel it. Tell her that this is a large enough item that it could and should jepordize your relationship.
It sounds like your girlfriend has lived life a bit and she honored you enough to tell you. It does not matter, that in your eyes, some of these one night stands did not 'deserve' her...perhaps to be honest it was not a full blown relationship she was looking for when it happend.
I urge you not to make value judgements on her lifestyle before you met her. Telling you what she did no doubt made her vulnerable which is unfortunate.
Good luck
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A
female
reader, aphexinfinite +, writes (29 July 2008):
 plain and simple your conscious dont trust her and trust me marriage should be the last thing on your mind because if you cannot get over the trust issues you are heading for disaster..you can either believe what she says or dont but in the end its your choice. if you dont believe her then no point being with her..lots of people have one night stands doesnt mean they are cheaters just they did something stupid and most likely regret unless they like that sort of thing anyway back to the point..in this day and age we rather believe what people say than listen to our partners seems we always have to pick the bad rather than looking at the good..right now your choice is to have faith in what she said and try and remove these thoughts.. if not then im sorry to say this wont end well.. hope that helps aphex xx
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