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female
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anonymous
writes: i have boyfriend troubletheres this guy i have being going out with for a few weeks now and alll of a sudden he has become very possesive and phoning me every 10 minutes what should i do i dont want to loose him or carry on with the phone calls that i get every 10 minutes Reply to this Question
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female
reader, claire_x100 +, writes (18 September 2006):
 Explain to him that he has changed and what has bought it on all the sudden. Tell him that you wona stay with him but cant handle the calls, he may of had a previous relationship which was unfathful. Make sure you hear what he has to say, sometimes its just a fase so make sure he knows that your not going to cheat or go any where. Good Luck.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2006): Tell him to cool it. I know he really likes you but this is absurd. It's highly ridiculous to be phoning someone so often. The below anon reader is not far off when she says to be careful. He is displaying signs of control and you could be getting into what could become an abusive relationship so I have to wonder why you are afraid to lose him. That's exactly the worst way you could think and as a result, you may be emotionally blind to the nightmare you are walking in to. Being afraid to lose a potential abuser, tells me a lot about you. You have to be strong and always protect yourself. Learn to discern a man's charqacter by his out of whack behaviours. It sounds like this guy is unable to trust. His phone calls to you are a form of control and possessiveness. And remember, no one "owns' anyone, in a relationship. . When someone like is that controlling, he is filled with fear and some guys will try and convince you that his jealousy is a sign of love. It's not love...it's a form of abuse. This is not healthy, hun. As the other reader pointed out, watch for further signs of dysfunction and potential abuse. There is a whole bunch of good websites on the net that tell you what to watch for. Research this and draw your own conclusions. Respect and Trust is the most largest key component of a healthy relationship. Is he respecting your space? No. Is he trying to build solidarity and trust with you? No. So take these signs and use your head, hun. And please, be careful. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2006): TRUST ME - it's only going to get worse from here. i've worked in domestic violence shelters before, and i promise you, this is the FIRST step in it going extremely down hill. you may think right now that it's only phone calls and that it could be worse, or that maybe he will stop. but he won't. anyone who feels the need to call you every 10 minutes to check up on you has a problem. a big problem. especially since it's only been a few weeks. just please keep a very close watch on his behavior. if eventually you notice him isolating you from your friends, or getting excessively angry/jealous if you speak to other guys, or that he's buying you ridiculous amounts of gifts, this guy's got a problem. it's people who have an insecure attachment style that tend to do these things, and it's their way of controlling you. by calling every 10 minutes, he knows exactly what you're doing, where you are, and who you're with. and it gives him a sense of security as well as a sense of control. because that's ultimately what his main goal is: control. anyway, sorry if you think this is a little over-board. i just work with instances like this allll the time. please take care. and pay attention.
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A
male
reader, ogga +, writes (17 September 2006):
try telling him, perhaps he feels he's losing you and doesnt want to.
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