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*roundsman
writes: I have had a real hard time with my girlfriend for the past couple weeks. We've been dating for 2 years now, and I think this all started though because she started hanging around her friend more who likes rap music, goes to parties, and is independant because she isnt "held down" with a boyfriend. We are both under 18, her 16 and I a few days ago turned 17. We were going to meet her mother at her friends football party. We drove separately because I didn't want to have to watch her smoke because I hate when she smokes. I arrived to the house and I went inside. Her mom asked where my girlfriend was and I told her she was finishing her cigarette. Her mom already knew that she smoked, but when she got there, her mom ran outside and confiscated a pack of her cigarettes. I meant no harm or for that to happen, but she sees it as I did that because I didn't like it and did something about it. She told me she doesnt love me because of who I am, but because that weve been together so long that she is scared if she let go. She said she needs space, so I have laid off trying to be a boyfriend. It has been really hard, even though I did kiss her on the cheek once in a while. Today, we went to the mall and I didn't touch her in any way showing affection. I bought her her starbucks and I helped her with her dresses that she was looking for for homecoming dance. We got back out to the car after buying nothing and we left the mall. On the way home, a car with two guys pulled next to us at a stoplight. She saw them, nudges her friend(The influence) in the passanger seat to look at them, and then she waved like she was flirting. I know with all of my heart that she does not want to "Cheat" on me (cheat in quotes because she said were not dating anymore) and because she has told me so. Also, she has an old friend that is our same age whom she goes to his house a couple nights a week at either 11 or midnight. I have talked to him, and her and I dont believe that anything is going on. You're probably getting tired of reading so i'll wrap this up. She wont answer her fone for me now, and if she does, its someone else. Her friend did answer the phone tonight and yelled at me for not giving her her space. My girlfriend originally told me that she wanted space from our intamacy, but apparantly, she wants space alltogether. We have worked out through many major problems before and I believe we will through this one. But shes starting to show signs that she doesnt want that to happen. I cant find someone else because I would never forgive myself for not trying to fix at the best thing that has ever happened in my life. Do you think that she will still want to be with me when she comes to a realization? or do you think that she will want this to be the end?...
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2006): Hi there, you and she are very young, and you may get tired of hearing that, but you are going to go through this more than once on your path to love...and just consider it that, a journey. You sound like a very good boyfriend and I don't think you did anything to cause her to loose her feelings for you...as you mature you will come to realize that real and lasting love is not a feeling really, it is a commitment to a relationship and being the right person for your beloved, a loving and caring individual who is willing to protect and put the other person ahead of yourself most of the time...you are well on the road to being that type of person, and she is not....she just hasn't a clue what love is yet.
Also, I hope you are practicing safe sex and wearing a condom when your penis is near her vagina, as sperm can swim and is in your pre-ejaculate...be careful with that and you have a mature attitude so you will be fine I think
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male
reader, Groundsman +, writes (28 September 2006):
Groundsman is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have yet new news. Tonight we have conversed finally and I got some answers. She had told me that she fell out of love with me about five months ago. She held on because she wanted to see if things would get better, which thay hadn't. I had no idea she was feling this way because she always lied and said that nothing was wrong and she kept telling me that she loved me. I always asked her seriously if she was sure and she always said yes. She says it has nothing to do with what I do or that I didn't want her to do things that are usually considered obscene. She states it just has to do with her feelings for me, which only by my or her actions, would cause feelings such as these. Actions cause feelings. I asked her many questions regarding other things in a relationship. We started dating when I was 15 and I told her I wasn't going to have sex until I was at least 16, which I felt as if I wasn't ready then either. She told me tonight that she never wanted to wait to have sex because theres nothing to be ashamed of it. She is still a virgin and so am I. I was waiting to be fully in love to proceed for the first time, which she made me believe, so we started to prepare for it by just penetrating so the pain for the first time would be gone and it would be enjoyable for her while being sensual between us. She then the next following days wouldnt kiss me because she said she wasnt comfortable. She then tells me that she hasnt loved me for the past 5 months and she wanted to have sex because it would be a pleasureful experience that she wanted to begin with. I came to an agreement with her tonight. I told her that i still and always will love her and I will be faithful if she ever would come to loving me again. I know it sounds stupid to wait for love and everyone will say I can find something better. but... since I love her, why would I want to get over her to end up falling in love again, and start the whole thing over again? I love her for who she is, how she thinks, and the respect she has. She has changed my mind in a lot of positive ways and is the most unique woman that I have ever met, and even if we do not ever return to a relationship, I know that I have had the greatest experience with the most honorful and wonderful person in my world, Samantha N. Beake. Forever and longer, babe. I love you to death and I will do anything for you because of the amazing person you are. With all my heart, I hope you fall in love with me for it to last a lifetime and beyond.
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male
reader, Groundsman +, writes (24 September 2006):
Groundsman is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe situation has been updated.
We have talked for a little bit, and i have got out of her that she says that she just wants her space because weve been together too much. (Almost every day after school, and during the summer when I wasn't working.) She says she definately wants to get back together but she just needs her space right now. She also told me that she TRIES to avoid hanging out with me recently.
Anyway, tonight, Saturday, the guy that shes been hanging out with a bunch at 11 o clock had a 17th birthday party tonight. She went whild I sat on my ass at my house plating Saints Row. I was fine and I was playing my game until something made me mad in the game, so I stopped playing at 1:00 AM. I called her to leave a message for her saying I was going to bed and that that i hope she was having fun. The odd thing..... She answered in the second ring, and the background was completely silent. i asked her why it was and she said that she walked into his bedroom so she could hear me. I heard noting in the background still. I said ok, have fun, call me later, then hung up. I felt really crappy and heartbroken inside, because she was in his bedroom, it was silent, and she answered so quickly. When you're at a party, you dont answer on the second ring while still having time to run to somewhere quiet. I called again because I was worried, but I asked her if she was going to stay over there to hang out with him tomorrow, or if she was coming home tonight. She answered on the second ring again, and she was still somewhere silent. She said she went in the bedroom again. She told me that there were about 5 people left there. So what I was wondering was..... If there were only 5 people, and there wasnt any music in the background, then why did she have to go to a secluded "Bedroom" to talk to me?
I am really scared now, because I had just read on another site that some girls cheat because their guy is too nice and not enough of a badass. It said that they didnt really want to tell them that something was going on between them and someone else, becaus he's too nice and she didnt want to do tell that to such a nice guy. I am considered a nice guy and I am so scared of that being true to me. I don't know if shes lying to me to not hurt my feelings, or she is just there with friends to have a good time.... Has anyone else been in this situation before? Ladies, what would you think in this similar instance?
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reader, ogga +, writes (17 September 2006):
she doesnt want to be wih you, she is clinging on to you so she has something to fall back on, soon enough she will be "cheating" on you without your knowledge, let go of it as she has changed and moved on mostly and soon enough she is going to ditch you completely, i would move on from her and get over her shes not worth it treating you like this
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reader, james_ellison +, writes (17 September 2006):
Ok, I don't have many answers for you because I only just posted a question quite similar to that a couple of minutes ago. All i want you to know is that this won't matter in a years time because she will come round to her senses or you will have moved on. she is a teenager and is insecure about who she can attract. you are very sweet to her and she is a rebelious teengager. you're also more mature than her. I have recently got myself into a similar situation of somene wanting to hurt me but she actually went the whole step of kissing someone else. I dont know what to do either so hopefully someone else can answer it for you but i just wanted you to know that people our age go through this all the time- when one partner wants to hurt the other and explore who they can attract. Good luck and youre not alone! and I will keep reading what advice people have for you. take it easy man.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2006): at your age i think that sometimes a break up is what is needed and if there is really a true bond between you it will make you both realisethis is obviously tearing you apart so you should make the break and if she really loves you she will come back i only give this advice because i went through the same thing myself years ago and i am now married with two children and we only split for three months.
good luck babe
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reader, Astrid  +, writes (17 September 2006):
 I think you should ditch her, it's hard but you deserve fun and love
good luck
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