A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi thereMy BF and I are together for 6 months. I am 36 and he is 47.We met at online dating and since the begining we were very much attracted to eachother. Sex life is great and we get on really well. I have met his family and friends. We always have lunch or dinner with his family. He talks about everything in his life with me. We spend every weekend together, either at his place or mine. He treats me really well, buy me flowers, chocs and very attentive to my life. Calls me or text every day or other day. I feel we are very close. He said at the begining he wanted to fall in love, marry and have kids. He has no kids as in his long time previous relationship his GF could not have children and that added to the reasons they broke up. Last night I asked if he missed me from the last time we saw eachother, which was 3 days ago, he said he missed me a little. I was a bit disappointed as I wanted him to miss me more, then I asked if he was in love with me as we never had talked about that before. He said that he is not in love with me but that does not mean everyhing is not perfect. What does that mean? I said the I need to be loved that I want him to fall in love with me as I don't think it is healthy to hold our feelings and I can see I am in love with him. I told him that "How can I fall in love with someone that is not in love with me"??What is your opinion? My friends say that he is in love with me and you can tell by his attitude but he does not want to admit it as man is scared to do so. Not sure.. Would he need some more time to fall in love with me and if he is not what he is doing with me then??
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, d2001d  +, writes (6 June 2010):
Aye, Aye, Aye...this is why you don't hire women to tell you what men think.
I don't know who had control over the realtionship until now, but after this
fiasco, he does. You can easily figure out what the long term options are in this relationship by getting control back.
It is time to start pulling back. Don't call him unless he calls you. Don't initiate dates or plans for a while. Let him know you are willing to see other people if you guys are still uncommitted. Any way you do it, please realize that this man wants what he can't have, and now that you've made yourself totally available (and after 6 months, I don't blame you for what you did) and if he is going to play it that way, then the only option is to force him to see that he loves you by removing yourself emotionally for a while and letting him learn that "you don't know what you've got until it's gone."
Take control back. Make him chase you. Make him realize this isn't going to be as easy as he thought it would be. Tease him.
I don't love games, but it's game on now.
Good luck girl.
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (6 June 2010):
 An admission of love for a guy is usually much more than expressing an emotion. It's a declaration of commitment, and a taking of the relationship to a new level. You can't entice or force a guy to say that he loves you, and it's usually a good idea to let the guy say it first.
This guy has commitment issues. He had a long time GF he pretty much let go for a bunch of BS reasons. Now, you're feeling the lack of initiative in his commitment towards you, and you're responding by testing his affection towards you (how much did you miss me?) and pressing the love issue. He's not biting, and he's exposing his fear of commitment, and now you're feeling rejected.
What you do now has everything to do with your future goals. If you are set on a family and children, this man will waste your time. He will never marry you. If you are to achieve those goals, it will not be with him.
However, if you're happy with merely being with someone and don't care whether you marry or have kids, he'll do right now. Don't expect a declaration of love from him anytime soon, and since he's holding out for someone better than you, you'll never be secure and at ease with him like you would be with someone who doesn't have commitment issues.
It's up to you.
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A
female
reader, Waiting for an angel +, writes (6 June 2010):
You cant rush things. Some people fall in love in a day & others in a year. If its meant to be it'll happen on its own.
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