A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I've been dating this man for 5 months. Things have gone as they should and we've gotten very close. We spend every weekend together and see each other several times during the week. I have let him lead the relationship. It has always been him asking me to stay with him or to see him. I've never been forward nor have I chased after him. He has told me that he loves me and doesn't want me to ever leave him. I too, have the same feelings for him. I've even met his mother! Yesterday at lunch, he was acting a bit standoffish and I asked what was wrong. He then told me that he needed time away from me. This morning I received a text telling me that he loves that I care for him and that he cares for me and wants to do things with me. That we should just play it by ear and see. I know for a fact there is no one else, so I don't get what happened. I have things of his and he has things of mine. I don't know whether to give everything back or just wait it out. Anyone that can give me any advise I'd greatly appreciate it.
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female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (13 June 2013):
 Him offering friendship but saying he doesn't want to be in a relationship (after intimacy) is a bit like having the cone but not the ice cream...it's shabby and not acceptable and men should get it into their thick heads that when they dump a lady...she don't want to see them again...EVER!!!
You now have the perfect opportunity to cut him off and say good riddance! Him keep showing up is like torture and he needs to be made fully aware that from now on, all bridges have be burned!
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (13 June 2013):
 Did you ask him why?
And with what you said I would just cut the contact, no movies no coffee. If he doesn't WANT a relationship with YOU, he "can't" have you as a "friend" either.
Though I think him saying "could have a movie" but understand if you don't want too... that is a "gentle" let down. It may not mean he actually WANT to see a movie (or whatnot) but he is giving you the option.
Just cut him off.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (12 June 2013):
 Ohhh NO NO NO don't let him get away with that!
He's pretty much wanting Friends With Benefits. He wants the "Girlfriend Experience" without having the responsibilities of actually being in the relationship.
You're no naive young girl who would actually fall for crap like that! You've been around the block to know when someone wants to play games with you.
You tell him you're in this all the way, or hit the road. This whole "I want to hang out, have sex, do things because I care for you, but I don't want YOU" is an insult. You're worth more than to be treated like that.
I'd tell him to go find a blow-up doll, because you deserve to be with a man that makes you feel NO LESS than CHERISHED.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (12 June 2013):
Five months isn't much time to be in a relationship. When he said he needed time away from you, did you ask him why?
It sounds like his baggage is interfering with his ability to be emotionally intimate. It could mean that an ex has contacted him and he wants to hedge his bets to see how things go with her (no, you don't always know if there is anyone else or not). It could also mean that his past has damaged him to the point where his feelings make him nervous. That usually happens when there was a really messy divorce or he was cheated on, and you could have demonstrated a mannerism that reminded him of a past hurt. In that case, there's nothing you should ever do to "atone" for his own past baggage.
Or, he could simply be immature, and not want to commit, and feelings of seriousness make him want to run. He could also be getting advice from kids or family thinking that you're some sort of threat to their inheritance or whatever.
It could be a lot of things...totally impossible to know without more information. I think you should give him back his stuff, get your stuff from him, and tell him he owes you an explanation as to what happened. If he gets cagey and doesn't tell you, then let him go. Do not let him waffle back and forth with texts and stuff. Tell him that you're not interested in game playing. He's either into you, or he's not. His baggage is his own affair.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell you both right...I just received text telling me that he likes me but doesn't want to be in a relationship with me. Maybe we could do a movie or dinner sometime but he'd understand if I didn't want to. WOW I'm totally blown away
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (12 June 2013):
The most damning piece of evidence is that he has said he needs time away from you...sadly that means you are not top of his list and he has other things on his mind.
Saying he cares about you and wants to play it by ear is non conducive with asking for time away from you...it doesn't fit, so it's fair to say he's just being kind to spare your feelings.
Don't assume you have done anything wrong, you most likely haven't. It seems he's just changed his mind and like Sage said...he's probably found greener pastures and wants to move on...
No wonder they say all in love and war is fair...but sometimes it just don't seem that way :-(
Put his stuff to one side for now so it doesn't bug you, if he wants it, he will let you know.
I am sorry this happened to you, as with everything else, there are no guarantees things will work out and some people are happy just to share a few months before they move on...that's life xxx
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (12 June 2013):
 I'd be skeptical of the "fact" that you know......
When a guy (or girl) in our age group finds a great partner, we tend to cleave with them and want to spend time, and stay, together..... The primary reason(s) for that NOT happening is because one (or, both) of the parties believe(s) that they either WANT to keep checking for "greener grass".... OR, they think they have FOUND "greener grass" and have to make sure it (the greener grass) isn't just a patch of dandelions.....
Good luck....
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