A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I really don't know what to do I've been with a guy for 2 years now and he still tells me that we not ready for a relationship even though we act like we going out. Should I stay and wait till he comes around or walk away? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, mami18  +, writes (11 January 2011):
 girl dont wait around for a guy or youll end up just very upset go out have fun and try to meet new people you dont want to think he's gonna come around then he never does and then you find out hes already with someone else
A
female
reader, xanthic +, writes (11 January 2011):
 He's not ever going to commit to you, and you've given him more than enough time to do so. It's been two years and you're not even in an exclusive relationship, all that tells me is he wants the freedom to date and sleep with other women while having you around on the side. He's leading you on and wasting your time. Drop him and find someone that's sure he wants to be with you for you, not someone that's with you just because it's convenient.
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (11 January 2011):
 If it's been two years and you choose to wait, be ready for another two years.
I'm about to use one of the phrases I most loathe, but this guy needs to shit or get off the pot. If it has been two years then he has obviously found that he can have you, not commit to you and you'll still stick around. Don't let him have his cake and eat it too! (Apparently today is Cliché Day).
I'd walk - maybe it will kick him in the butt and be the incentive he needs to make it official. And if he doesn't come running to you, then he was never 100% yours. Good luck, sweet thing!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2011): Well, what does he think he's been having for the last two years? Have you asked him?
By the sounds of this guy, he wants to have ALL the benefits a relationship would afford him, but has the 'one foot out the door syndrome' meaning by telling you you're not both in a relationship makes you feel less secure, self-confident, wrong foots you, with a tendency to want please and keep him on-board. And ultimately for him, if and when he decides to hit on another female, he can quite blatantly turn around and say " I did tell you I wasn't ready for a relationship "
Very manipulative tactics - and sadly for you, really, really not nice, you deserve a lot more. I feel quite, 'how dare he say he's not in a relationship with you after two years' when obviously you and him are intimate physically. How dare he try to knock your confidence and keep you emotionally vulnerable feeling confused. Of course you are confused, because he acts one thing, and says another!
I'm a woman who advocates all females to build their self confidence, and their belief in themselves as people, and not to accept or allow any man to undermine this. I always encourage my female clients to build confidence and take full responsibility for they sometimes end up being treated.
And sometimes, just like now, this young man needs showing, you are a strong, confident young woman who does not put up with a man dating her, having intimacy with her, unless HE acknowledges they are in a proper, grown up loving relationship. If you do, I'm afraid you are leaving the door wide open for him to play this very underhanded 'controlling' tactic, where you will be constantly hanging on his every word and action, wondering IF and when he might deem you good enough to be in a relationship with, or if he's looking out for someone else.
ONLY YOU can take control of this, and that means you would need tell him, if your not ready for a relationship, then you will find someone who is.
I know this is difficult, as your emotions are involved, but please, if you allow him to get away with this, it's not going to get better, as he will know he can control you, and you'll stay around.
So sorry you find yourself with such a guy, but I know you can do better - YOU just have to believe it!
Jilly x
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A
female
reader, Adelaide's Agony Aunt  +, writes (11 January 2011):
Dear Anonymous;I am concerned by your letter for a few reasons. Firstly, at the age of 16-17 in the full span of your life you are in the young love phase and young love with it's first experiences and awakenings deserves to be a tender, positive and confidence building experience not leaving you uncertain or unconfident. It should boost you, give you a spring in your step, not the other way around and it will for better or for worse set you up for how you approach relationships in the future until you do a little reality check.Has being with this person for the last 2 years eventhough he says you are not in a relationship been a positive in your life? And how? What have you learned about yourself in the process? Does he fill you with joy and confidence or leave you doubting or questioning yourself? Does where you see it going match where he says he sees it going? What do you think you deserve from a relationship? Does he match this list?Sometimes when we are "emotionally invested" in something or someone our objectivity is clouded and we owe it to ourselves to take a moment to be objective (no emotion involved) and really asses the situation; I think from what you have said that time has come for you.In taking the private time to do this consider listing everything you do want from your ideal partner and relationship in the different phases of your life as well (i.e. teens, 20's,30's etc.) including what you want to achieve for yourself in those phases of your life and decide if he fits what you want and desreve.Lastly if someone wants someone bad enough then you usually take steps to get them not leave them dangling.Good luck on your love journey, Remember you are the ship's captain and you decide the journey you want.A.A.A.
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A
male
reader, Welsh Uncle Dave  +, writes (11 January 2011):
I find it strange that you've been with someone two years and only now he's saying neither of you are ready for a relationship.
Sounds like he may be losing interest and you should prepare yourself to go your separate ways.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2011): If you have been going out for two years you are already in a relationship. Are you after further committment? That may be the issue. Maybe he just does not want to take things to another level. You either wait or not. You are quite young so I would question what you want to happen. It could be that his lack of a desire to verbally say he is committed to you is due to youth. If it bothers you, move on.
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