A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:First of all, I thought that at this stage of my life things wouldn't seem so bad. But Then again, maybe I'm just looking for problems like my bf says to all the time....that and I'm wrong!!! We've been together for almost a decade and have two kids together. I found out when I was in too deep that he doesn't want to marry.....me or anyone. Why? I've asked him and he says it's stupid. I've agreed with that for a while and now I'm thinking that I want to be married....the legal way. I don't know why. Maybe for the security. Everytime I bring up the marriage thing he just quickly changes the subject. We've been through alot together and been together for so long and he still doesn't want the full committment. Should I stick with it or move on?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2009): Same thing for me, two kids and 5 years. Mine has financial reasons, the finances have changed, so the reason adjusted as well. Bottom line, they aren't sure about us, think we'll be good moms, so have kids with us, but not good enough to marry. It's like when we were younger and no one would commit to plans on a Friday night, just in case something better came along. I recommend the book Too Bad to Stay, Too Good to Leave. It tells you exactly what to do in various situations.
A
female
reader, ilovebowsandcherries  +, writes (22 May 2009):
 don't give it up
i mean he's been faithful and you've got 2 kids together that shows a sterdy ground there i mean you've been together 10 years!!!!
that is pretty damn amazing!
why would you waste all that time to try and find someone else when there is nothing to give up!
he's committed to you.
maybe he does want to marry but trying to put you off so that he can surprise you!
who knows!
maybe he doesn't feel ready just yet but as he knows you are he will come around to the idea.
there are so many reasons as to why he's like this but you never know he may pop the question when you least expect it i mean look at Friends with Chandler trying to put Monica off? i know it's a programme but it can happen and then that way they know you'll never expect it and it will be the most perfect amazing surprise maybe he just wants to surprise you and take your breath away.
Hope this helps.
x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2009): I would suggest you do everything in your power to get him to marry you. I agree with the love aspect that everyone has mentioned and that you should make sure of that. But that's largely a non-issue am I correct? If he just won't agree, try raising the point of what kind of example his actions will set for his kids. Wouldn't you yourself like to see your kids married someday? Does your boyfriend not ever consider the welfare of future generations of his own children who might be affected financially if they too were to fail to get married? Have him recognize the importance of the influence of his actions and that not all people can be as commited as he is without a marriage.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2009): Turn the question around...do you want to be without him? The answer to that will tell you a lot about your question.
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A
female
reader, 48years  +, writes (22 May 2009):
 I dunno... I think you're already in a lifetime contract with the guy (kids together=weddings=grandkids, etc) and I think you should do everything you can to FORCE him to marry you for the sake of your kids. Does he really want someone else to raise them?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2009): That is a decision you have to make. No one can do it for you. Do you love him? Does he treat you well?
A marriage license is not a garauntee. My relationship with my son's father lasted longer before we were married than after getting married!
The security issue is another matter, however...I understand that. Especially considering you have children together.
It concerns me that you didn't mention love or even happiness in your question...
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A
female
reader, summerain +, writes (22 May 2009):
I think the only thing you can do is weigh the pros and cons. You certainly don't want to marry and man who doesn't want to marry you so don't force the issue at this point. Consider on one hand what you have to lose if you end the relationship and once you have done so think about if it is or is not worth it. Only you can decide if you are willing to let go of the commitment you want and just enjoy what he is willing to give of himself or break it off with him and search for a man who is willing to put a ring on your finger. Good luck to you!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2009): well, people change and things change. You want the full commitment and he still does not.. there is nothing wrong with either... you each feel what you feel. The question is-- can you live with not being married?
You obviously have so far so why the sudden change?
Has your relationship been full of everything you wanted until now?
I think if you went into this with the known fact that marriage was not a possability then you are in a sticky spot. He sounds as though he does not want change and has made the fullist commitment he can or is willing to.
the question is my dear, is a piece of paper (not putting marriage down or how you feel) worth your relationship?
can you give up 10yrs of happiness for the idea of finding someone else, and Maybe getting married and trying to find happiness with that new person?
If being married is that important to you then you must do what your heart wants.. its that simple nothing else will sufise. ( i completely understand that also)
but, if you can live without it and have a full life with this man then thats what you should do..
good luck
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