A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:What if you and your boyfriend have been dating for 10 months then loose your virginity to each other and yet we still didn't say "I love you"? He believes to love someone you have to be with them for the rest of your life,but that was at the beginning of this relashonship,I know he has very strong feelings for me but I don't know what's holding him back, I keep trying to drop hints that I love him but hes so oblivious, what do I do? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2012): "He believes to love someone you have to be with them for the rest of your life,"
well there you have answered your own question. This is why he doesn't say it, it's because to him it means something totally different that to you.
"but that was at the beginning of this relashonship,"
So? it still means the same thing to him, why should his beliefs have changed in 10 months?
I'm sort of like him. With my ex-bf, he was very quick to say "i love you" and I couldn't say it back, and told him not to say that. because to me, when you say those words it means you are soulmates and are going to be together forever. Love is a very strong word!!! saying 'i love you', to me, leaves no possibility for a future break up. After all, if you tell someone you love them, then later you break up with them, that means you were a liar the first time round, right? That's how I felt anyway.
then when my hb and I were on the rocks, he would still say 'i love you' cos he didn't want us to divorce. And I just couldn't say it back because I honestly wasn't sure if I could stay married to him and I didn't want to get his hopes up by saying those words back to him because again if I said those words, that means that to leave him would have made a liar out of me.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2012): You could try saying that you love him...but not to worry because you arent expecting marriage! Then ask how he feels about you. Its not much to ask after 10 months together.
Dropping hints doesnt always work with some people.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (22 February 2012):
 I'd advise against you saying them first. The reason why is exactly because of what you said he places as meaning on those words.
The subject has come up before, or you wouldn't know that he thinks that declaring love is tantamount to proposing marriage. It's not the words themselves he fears, it's the commitment that he has attached to them.
If you start saying it to him, he will bolt, because you might be saying "I love you", but he might hear "I want you to commit" and feel pressure rather than a recipricating emotion.
THAT being said -- I think you should have a straight talk, because you're right, 10 months being together should be enough to know whether or not you love someone. You should let him know that to you, saying I love you conveys an emotional connection, not a promise to commit. Yes, it will take a relationship to the "next level", so to speak, so if he still can't say he loves you, it's quite possible that he doesn't.
Either way -- if you're an emotional person, this could be a compatibility issue. You just coming out and saying "I love you" first doesn't solve the problem. It has to be him saying it in your case, or you'll always wonder whether he says it to appease or not.
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A
female
reader, Blonde68  +, writes (22 February 2012):
I dont mean to appear rude here, but why do you feel the need to hear him say it first? Why can't YOU say it if that is how you feel? For all you know, he could be thinking along the same lines as you!
Is it really important that you hear him say it right now? Will it change anything?
If you do have a burning desire to hear those 3 words, then perhaps bring the subject up in a light hearted conversation.... you never know you may end up both laughing about it, and admitting that you were both too scared to say it.
You appear happy together so if I were you, I wouldnt worry about it too much.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (22 February 2012):
 why don't you just tell him.
dropping hints? that's a game.
you need to tell him "I love you" and I need to know where we stand....
but you need to be prepared for him to say "thank you"
and not "I love you too"
stop playing games and dropping hints.
some folks just don't say it...
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