A
male
age
41-50,
*amarpan
writes:we are coworker (college friends) and she is married, i love her truely from the heart still i think about her 24hrs may be she will talk to my like a close good friend (not expected kisses etc) but close friendship as she earlier have with me .sometimes i think she uses me becoz after her boyfriend marriage she make me her alternative or now after her marriage she has other option of her husband.I mean she needs someone to share, joy, or love her. i must also say that she is very good friend and very kind at heart.It has been 3 months since i have not contact her keeping in my mind that I should not come between him and her husband.. i m missing her very much , i did not even try to mail her but i still love her.Although she has mailed me twice (no talk on mobile) during this period asking about me and the work. I have not replied to that. Is this the right way of not replying or ignoring her mail without telling her that i m moving although i do not want that really.I m a good person but I m not able to control my sadness ,i m sure i can be her good friend but people on this forum says u cannot be her good friend becoz u have feeling for her.even if i have a feeling i have respect for her and her husband also i can be a good friend to her really i m not saying in desperation that i want her back or something...should i reply or not...???
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2012): No you shouldn't reply. it's hurting you more than her for you to 'stay friends.' She has her husband to go home to and to be happy with and share love and joy with. She doesn't think about you as much as you think about her. She is not hurting like you are.if you want to control your sadness you should move on mentally and that means completely erasing her from your life. That means no replying to any messages from her no matter what.if you reply to her messages then you're making the choice not to move on so you'll continue to stay sad.Under other circumstances not replying to people's emails is considered rude. But honestly I think if she takes offense, so what? She used you so it's perfectly fine for you to "drop" her without a word.
A
female
reader, itcantjustbeme  +, writes (22 February 2012):
 I think if you truly believe you can hold yourself by the honor of there relationship, I think it may be in your best interest to stay friends with her. If she makes you happy and you do not concider trying to pull her from her husband then I don't think you're doing her or anyone much harm.
What you should concider though is the fact that she has found her life mate and that is not you. As well you need to find yourself a life partner and it may not help having her as a friend still because you will still fawn over her. You may compare likely suitors with her which wouldn't be fair.
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