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male
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*ingle20'scanadian
writes: Dear CupidHi. My name is Scott, I am 26 years old, and live in Ontario Canada. I have a problem, and have been trying to get as much advice as possible, before making a decision. I have been friends with this girl I work with for about 5 or 6 months now. We have had a lot of good times, and when I first started hanging out with her, she had a boyfriend of close to a year. We spent a lot of time together despite her having this boyfriend, and we both really seemed to enjoy each others company. She just recently was dumped by this guy, and so she is completely crushed, and has needed me to help her get over him. I have been spending even more time then ever before with her, and unfortunately this has caused me to really take a liking to her. I am so wanting to let her know how I feel, but am worried that it might ruin our friendship, and since she just got out of the relationship with him, she definitly won't want to jump into a relationship with me. I had one friend tell me I should just wait it out for a couple months or so, then let her know how I feel, but I'm not sure if this is best or not. Please help a love smiten Canadian out with whatever advice you can offer. Thank you. Scott 26
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2005): Dear, she has just lost a love and she's feeling great sorrow and heartache. She might be experiencing the sense of failure, hopelessness, loss & despair. So it's so critical you don't pursue anything other than a caring friendship with her at this time. She needs time and patience from those closest to her..to help her through this and you need to respect her pain & loss.
Everyone has a different way of handling the heartache of a breakup. Healing/recovery after the loss of love must happen and usually does in time—but usually not by seeking it, once again. This painful breakup will offer her an opportunity for her to become stronger and healthier. You owe it to yourself to realize that you want to be with someone, who is not constantly thinking of some other guy. Allow her to heal, because not everyone makes sensible use of this opportunity for self-transformation, but instead, many choose to get into another relationship far too soon to mask the pain and they carry painful baggage into the next relationship. That would be unfair to you...you deserve someone who can give ythe best of herself in building a great relationship with you. She simply needs to recover and make sense of what has happened to her. So don't push for anything other that friendship, right now. When the time comes-you will know when she is ready for another relationship. But remember dear..there are no guaruntees in love-you can't expect her her "just fall in your arms" when she is ready. Don't be friends with her..simply because you want the "prize" at the end of her healing process. That is selfish and disrespectful to her. Be her genuine friend because you care for her as a person, irregardless of this plays out. I think your friend gave you good, sound advice. Give it time before expressing your true feelings for her. But inevitably, to date you when she is ready will be "her" decision. Love is always a risk-just prepare yourself for that. I hope it works out for you and good luck!
Hugs,
Irish
A
female
reader, Stewart Terrace +, writes (13 October 2005):
One thing wait for her Then when she kinda get's to know that you like her that way let her make the first suggestion. You live in a wonderful place take care.
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A
reader, pops +, writes (13 October 2005):
YOu have be given good advice. Give her time. Use the time to really get to know her. Its one thing to be a good listener to someone ending another relationship, and quite different to change the focus of conversation to doing things together. Work on that, and see how it goes. She needs time to sort out who was responsible for what in the last relationship before starting a new one with anyone. If she cares as much about you, you will know when its time to tell her how you feel.
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