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female
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anonymous
writes: My ex-boyfriend dumped me a while ago with tears, saying this might be a big mistake, etc. He was honestly such a wonderful boyfriend and I was so in love with him...even though we were young I really thought I had found something real. The farther away it gets from the time, the more I realize how special it was. About 3-4 weeks after the relationship was over, he entered into a 3 month relationship with someone else and said he had moved on and would never enter into a relationship with me again but would like to be friends. I said I needed a lot of time, but maybe. Several months went by and by some freak concidence he moved to where I live (we were LDR). When I found out he was moving here, I asked if we could talk and I said i was ready, not necessarily to be friends, but to talk as at the time I was dating someone else and so was he. He said there was no need to talk and things would be fine. A few weeks later we had a conversation where I said I was glad we had broken up and he just kind of sat there not saying anything. Now that he lives where I live, we see each other several times a day. Things were fine and he was talking to me, although rather awkwardly. People said they noticed that he was often staring at me but not saying anything and would talk to me if I initiated it, seeming relieved that I had. There are a lot of circumstances involved in this and for several reasons I can't date ANYONE right now, which he knows. And taking him back would require gaining back a lot of trust issues. So at this point and this far away in time, after having been over it for so long and having dated and broken up with someone else, I don't see how this is a problem.After I said I wanted to be friends, he stopped talking to me completely and seemed rather flippant about me, although our friends would often notice him staring at me. He will smile and wave at me when it comes down to it, but he will not go out of his way to talk to me, etc. The tricky part is that we have been making a lot of mutual friends. His best friend and I have coicidentally started hanging out and he has started to hang out with girls I am friends with. This guy I'm taking to a dance happens to be his mentor and so on...all of this completely coincidentally. But my problem is, how can I make this comfortable for me? He probably would talk to me if I confronted him face to face, but over the internet, phone, etc. will probably not work at this stage in the game. It was working before we saw each other everyday, but now he's become...weird.I guess my issue is I don't understand how some people can be fine with their exes, even be friends with them, and my ex its like pulling teeth to get him to be around me even. If he's over our relationship, he shouldn't be this weird about things, he shouldnt spend his time staring at me, etc. He is also friends with my friends, but will not show up at anything I will be at, and like i said, if he is there will spend the bulk of his time staring at me and if he talks to me, he will give me a sad smile and a wave and ask how I'm doing. I can only infer he's having issues with this too because a lot of people have questioned his sexuality saying he hasn't said ANYTHING about any girls besides me since he's been here. And recently, hanging out with his friends, has made me realize I sort of miss him...and it hurts my feelings to think that maybe he just doesn't care about me...but he's clearly uncomfortable. Is there anything I can do to make myself at least feel better? I thought about talking to him, but I feel like he's going to say he feels so incredibly comfortable and there is no issue.Can you infer what his issue is or how I can fix this for all of us? Or is resigning myself to it and ignoring it the only thing I can do at this point?
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reader, pops +, writes (13 October 2005):
Ignor him. No one can guess what he's thinking about. You could ask him, but you have no guarantee that he will talk to you,now. You can't make someone like you, or re-like you, if he doesn't want to do so.
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